Tales From a Horrible Housewife

Do you ever feel like you are a less than stellar mom or wife? Well,  I am here to tell you that looks can be deceiving.  That woman with a yard straight from the pages of Better Homes and Garden… is secretly a hoarder. That women who makes desserts rivaling Martha Stewart… has dirty laundry up to her ceiling. And don’t get me started about those cooks you see on The Food Network! Those cooks haven’t cleaned their toilet in months!

Maybe this just explains my housewife blog, but if you could remotely relate to this full time housewife… you have found somewhere to belong! This is a place where mediocre is OK and stereotypical housewives are frowned upon, so embrace your flaws and pour some wine!

*CHEERS*

Serve your gluten free chicken stir-fry with garden fresh vegetables for a different dish each time. (One quick ingredient switch will make this recipe paleo.)

Gluten Free Chicken Stir-Fry

Do not click away before saving this gluten free chicken stir-fry recipe SOMEWHERE. Pinterest. Facebook. Bookmarks. I don’t care how you do it, just save it. You will NOT regret it. This is the SECOND meal I have enjoyed since May. Yes, May! Which also happens to include eggs. Eggs that didn’t upset my oh so …

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Living in fear due to spotting old blood after a threatened miscarriage.

Living in Fear

I am just going to write because I am not quite sure how to begin talking about the fear going on in my head right now. Today (8/11/14) I am living in fear for the fetus residing in my womb. I have reached the point of this pregnancy where I am emotionally exhausted. I am in …

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Grab the recipe for this simple cucumber ginger cocktail for your next party. #SweetNLowStars

Cucumber Ginger Drink Recipe

I made this cucumber ginger drink recipe with Sweet’N Low as part of a series of sponsored posts for Socialstars. #SweetNLowStars I am about to introduce you to the tastiest, most enjoyable way to consume the abundance of cucumbers I am sure your garden produces. Well, if your garden is anything like mine. Some weeks I think my garden is only …

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Experiencing a threatened miscarriage during the first trimester.

Threatened Miscarriage

Do you know what a threatened miscarriage is? Neither did I… Until I had one. Heads up- I included pictures of bloody items in this post. Some might find them graphic but this is real life. Now that the world knows I am pregnant with my second minion, we can backtrack to what was supposed …

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Dr Seuss Thing 1 and Thing 2 party- Cat in the Hat marshmallow tree. #schuplinparty

Thing 1 and Thing 2 Party

In case you didn’t hear the big news, last weekend we hosted a Thing 1 and Thing 2 party to tell our friends and family about my pregnancy. It turned out so damn cute. Well, I thought it was gorgeous until everything was rained on 10 minutes before the scheduled party time. TEN MINUTES! It rained …

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Today is the day we tell the world we will soon be a family of 4.

Today is the Day

Today is the day The Schuplins have been waiting for. Today is the day I start explaining my lack of online activity. A confession, if you will. Today is the day we gather all most of our loved ones together for a surprise celebration. Today is the day we tell the world I am 17w3d pregnant! Pregnant as …

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Save money on a pink rehearsal dinner party with these simple budget friendly ideas. #schuplinparty

Pink Rehearsal Dinner Party

This pink rehearsal dinner party was my first attempt at trying to save a buck or two on a party without compromising my design. It’s true. I usually shop willy nilly until I have all of the supplies I need to complete my party plan without a ton of work. I’m a one woman show, yo! It …

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John Deere party favors set up for a John Deere birthday party. #showusyourmess #pmedia #ad

John Deere Birthday Party

Would it surprise you to learn that my second favorite day of the year, only behind Christmas, is Michael’s birthday? I am willing to bet I get just as excited as he does. No joke. It gives me all the feels to see him surrounded by most of the people who care about him. That and knowing how much he loves …

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Bandit the cat always gets her way. #LoveABowl

Cats… The Other Women

I had no idea one of my cats would turn into ‘the other woman’. That’s why I was thrilled at the opportunity to share Fancy Feast® Broths (AKA my secret weapon) as a part of this sponsored post program.  Cats. According to the interwebz, spending quality time with your feline companion(s) has been proven to reduce stress and …

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Filling the John Deere party favors with goodies for the kids. #showusyourmess #pmedia #ad

John Deere Party Favors

“This John Deere party favors shop is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group™ and Wet-Nap but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #showusyourmess  http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV” Every stinkin’ year I never know what to put in the party favors for Michael’s birthday party, but I know I can’t throw a party …

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Creating a kiwi lemonade cocktail is the perfect way to celebrate the final days of summer. #SweetNLowStars #client

Kiwi Lemonade Drink Recipe

I made this kiwi lemonade drink recipe with Sweet’N Low as part of a series of sponsored posts for Socialstars. #SweetNLowStars Summer is pretty much over. Gone. No more. I expect there to be snow on the ground next week. Just because the glorious days of 70 degree weather are coming to an end doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to create a …

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Stuffed pepper scotch eggs are a great recipe to switch up breakfast and still keep the meal healthy. #client

Stuffed Pepper Scotch Eggs

It’s time for another hard-boiled egg recipe using hard-boiled eggs from Great Day Farms. (You know, because I am a Great Day Farms blogger who happens to adore eggs!) Will I convince my family these wonky looking stuffed peppers are delicious? Or will my science experiment result in pizza delivery? Find out now… on Mallery’s …

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You can turn peachy black tea into 3 different cocktails simply by muddling different ingredients into your glass. #SweetNLowStars

Peachy Black Tea Drink Recipe

I made this peachy black tea drink recipe with Sweet’N Low as part of a series of sponsored posts for Socialstars. #SweetNLowStars It’s summertime and you know what that means… PARTIES! Parties all day, every day! Wahoo! OK, maybe just on the weekend, but still. I have been feeling especially boozy with all of the wedding hustle and …

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How to Throw a Party for a Party Planner's Birthday- Never forget her special drinking glass.

How to Throw a Party for a Party Planner

I think it is time to discuss the purple elephant standing in the corner of this room. He is standing at your six. You don’t believe me? No, I wasn’t drinking before noon! I’m a classy broad, you know this! Well… maybe a little sip with my cake. I mean, it WAS right there. And it …

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The dark side of potty training boys.

Dark Side of Potty Training

“Don’t play with your penis at the dinner table.” “Don’t pee on the wall!” “Hang on, I have to wipe your butt!” “Just pull down your pants and pee on the tree.” I received the cleaning products mentioned in this potty training story for free from the sponsor of the Moms MeetSM program, May Media Group …

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Breakfast bruschetta made with Great Day Farms hard boiled eggs is the perfect brunch appetizer.

Breakfast Bruschetta

What do you think of when you hear ‘breakfast bruschetta’? Tomatoes served on bread with a side of sunny siders? Perhaps, but you would be wrong. This party diva was given the task of making an easy egg appetizer (that wasn’t deviled eggs) using hard-boiled eggs from Great Day Farms. Psshh…. please! Challenge accepted! Note- You …

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How to turn leftover ingredients into a delicious paleo egg scramble meal.

Paleo Egg Scramble

It always happens. I wake up with every intention of earning my wifey status, only it never seems to work out that way. Nope. Michael strolls into bedroom around 8:30 demanding we watch the same ABC show we watch every morning. To which I reply, “Go potty and we will watch ABCs.” I lift my face mask and …

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You can never have too much glitter and sparkles at a pink and gold bridal shower. #ambassador #sponsored

Pink and Gold Bridal Shower

“I participated in an Ambassador Program on behalf of Millennial Central for MY M&M’S. I received product samples to facilitate my pink and gold bridal shower and to thank me for my participation.” I never thought, even in my wildest dreams, I would ever utter the words you are about to read. At first, every fiber in my body slowly deteriorated as I planned …

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Ellipsis 7 Tablet from Verizon Wireless

Ellipsis 7 Tablet

The Ellipsis 7 Tablet from Verizon Wireless is a great example of why you should research a major purchase before making any decisions. There will always be pros and cons to a gadget. Always. Without pros and cons, we would be left with companies creating gadgets with one person in mind. And that one person …

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German chocolate cookies recipe with homemade german chocolate frosting. You don't want to miss the secret way to prepare this cookie so it becomes your favorite cookie recipe! #goodcookcom #goodcookkitchenexprt

German Chocolate Cookies

German chocolate cookies came into my life during the beginning of a pretty tough time. I remember one of my mom’s co-workers sending a batch of cookies and the recipe home with her in the midst of more than I can remember doctor appointments. She wanted to give me something that would make me feel …

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Paleo beef stroganoff with cauliflower rice recipe with step by step instructions and tips to make this a one pot recipe. #goodcookcom #goodcookkichenexprt

Paleo Beef Stroganoff

Paleo beef stroganoff is a favorite ’round these joints. Sure, noodles are nice, but this recipe… this recipe doesn’t make me feel like the Michelin Man after inhaling a giant bowl. One might even go out on a limb and say I woof it down. Screw the eat slow and let your brain realize it’s …

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Pink and gold bridal shower decorations- Add another glittery detail with gold glitter champagne flutes.

Pink and Gold Bridal Shower Decorations

“I participated in an Ambassador Program on behalf of Millennial Central for MY M&M’S. I received product samples to facilitate my pink and gold bridal shower decorations and to thank me for my participation.” PSSST… The full bridal shower is live here if you want to see the finished product! Wedding season has descended upon families everywhere. …

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How to complete your housewife duties in style- Never leave home without a pearl necklace.

Housewife Duties

“I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting (#MC) for Reebok. I received a product sample to facilitate my review and a promotional item as a thank you for sharing my housewife duties with you.” Do you remember when I confessed my perfect housewife sins to you? I admitted to the laundry, the …

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What's in my suitcase for SoFabCon- a super secret surprise for everyone!

What’s in My Suitcase

I spent the majority of yesterday packing for a SIX day trip to Arkansas. I am 100% serious right meow. I was tasked with putting 6 days worth of multiple outfit changes into a SINGLE suitcase. So, as I tossed the bottle of Jasmine Sparkling Mimosa that BeautyStat (#bstat #love2lovewalmart) sent me into my bag, I wondered… …

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Step by step (with pictures) recipe showing you how to create paleo pizza cups with a cauliflower crust.

Paleo Pizza Bowls

Paleo pizza isn’t a new thing. In fact, we sometimes enjoy meat crust pizza weekly because Michael will throw down on some pizza. One day he will go to a friend’s house and realize all of the lies I spun surrounding food. *Cue the dramatic music.* “You lied to me my whole life, Mom!” “Sweetheart, …

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The life of an indoor cat- posing for pictures is a daily thing #goodlifepet #shop

The Life of an Indoor Cat

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. My indoor cat story has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. Have you ever stopped to think about how awesome it would be to trade places with your furbaby for a day? I don’t know …

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Star Wars fans rejoice! R2D2 and others were everywhere you looked at LEGO KidsFest. #LEGOKidsFest

LEGO KidsFest

Remember when I told you about LEGO KidsFest? Maybe? How about you humor me and say you have a vague recollection. Puh-leeze? Thanks. LEGO® KidsFest is probably our favorite PR event because LEGO blocks sort of consume our life. For real. You will find them in every corner of our home, except the toilet. (Knocks on wood.) …

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Upcycled cupcake tower craft tutorial explaining how to turn an empty diaper box, vegetable can, and Gerber snack food container into cute party decorations. #lifeforless #PMedia #ad

Upcycled Cupcake Tower

This upcycled cupcake tower is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and All You Magazine, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #lifeforless http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV. What would you say if I told you these cupcake stands were made from recycled materials? And I don’t mean plastic made from recycled materials. …

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