Distractions

Do you ever feel like you are a less than stellar mom or wife?  I am here to tell you that looks can be deceiving.  That women with a yard straight from the pages of Better Homes and Garden is secretly a hoarder.  Or that women who makes desserts that rival Martha Stewart has dirty laundry up to the ceiling.  What about those cooks you see on The Food Network?  They have fancy meals and they haven’t cleaned their toilet in months.

 This might just explain this housewife blog but if you could relate to this full time housewife, even slightly… you have found the right housewife website.  This is a place where mediocre is OK and stereotypical housewives are frowned upon, so embrace your flaws!

All you need to get started on your cheap wireless plan is a phone and a starter kit from Walmart #FamilyMobileSaves #cbias

Are Cheap Wireless Plans Possible?

Cheap Wireless Plans are like unicorns, a very rare and magical concept, something people dream about these days. And you bet the Schuplin household could stand to have some unicorns… err… cheap wireless plans in their life!  Our better late than never California honeymoon is happening this fall and that means it’s time to fill …

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My name is Mallery and I have dishwasher OCD

Welcome to My Fellow Dishwasher OCD Friends

I have dishwasher OCD thanks to the Cascade I received from Mom Central Consulting. There I said it, I am crazy anal about very few things in my life, and it just so happens the  dishwasher is one of them. Although, in my defense, my dishwasher OCD is very similar to my closet OCD because …

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Summer fashion for housewives who clearance shop at Macy's and Sears

Summer Fashion For the Modern Day & Lazy Housewife

Alert the press! Get ready to live tweet! Are you ready to Instagram this? Summer fashion has hit the blog, THIS blog! And no, you don’t have to adjust your screen resolution because I’m not playin‘. Getting dressed is the newest crazy concept I am trying on for size (ba-dum-tshh) and it isn’t as painful …

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Traveling with Sambazon super food juices helps keep you on track with your juicing lifestyle #momsmeet

Don’t Leave Home Without Your Super Foods

Super foods or fast food? Bloating or regular bowel movements? Non-GMO, organic, vegan, gluten free or a chemical feeding frenzy? Those are serious questions to think about when you are traveling, and I realized how incredibly easy it is for that line to blur when you are the ONLY person who cares about these things in …

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Todder Says mama and the next graduates from high school

Toddler Says is BACK with So Much to Say!

This post brought to you by Allstate. All opinions are 100% mine. Toddler says… mama Toddler says… dada Toddler says… hi Toddler says… bye bye Toddler says… gaga (grandma) Toddler says… nana Toddler says… cheers? One of you guys should have given me the heads up that toddler words are like a waterfall, they come …

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Wireless cameras allow bloggers to work during car rides #cbias #pixbundle

Wi-Fi Cameras Save the Day

Wi-Fi cameras have always been my unicorn of photography, with good reason because a Wi-Fi camera is what you would call an enabling device for someone who is ALREADY a workaholic. And by workaholic I mean I have an upstairs and downstairs workstation. I mean I wake up to a tablet on my nightstand and …

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I didn't end up in the wife doghouse because of Conair #cbias

Hairstyles to Rescue a Bad Wife

Have you ever had a hairstyle swoop in and save the day? No? Of course all of the normal people are sitting in front of their computers saying no. You see, hairstyles save the day in my household because I use female grooming as a tool in my game of life as a wife. Yeah, yeah …

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It took me 25 years to figure out just how easy Conair makes it to do my hair #cbias

Curls a Non-Girl Can Create in 10 Minutes

I was blessed cursed with curls, lots and lots of frizzy curls. At least that is how I felt when I was in school because all of the ‘pretty girls’ had straight hair. Those same pretty girls didn’t have to deal with crazy fur balls coming off of their strands, or moms who wouldn’t let …

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Things they don't tell you about breastfeeding

The ‘Other’ Breastfeeding Secrets

This post brought to you by Comfort and Harmony. All opinions are 100% mine. So, you want to breastfeed your baby? Good for you! Believe it or not, our breasts weren’t slapped on the front of us just to bring the boys to the yard, they are there to feed our babies. But don’t get me …

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Fruti natural fruit bars makes being one of them easier #freshnfruti #cbias

The Day I Became One of Them

I never thought I would become ‘one of them’. I never thought I would willingly give up most of the things my household holds so dear to their heart: frosting, ice cream, etc. I have officially become one of those moms who fusses over nutritional labels, food dyes, and …GASP… ingredients. I’m talking about one …

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Watching someone die is exhausting and emotionally awkward

I Am Emotionally Awkward

I am emotionally awkward with little to no patience. It’s true. Emotions are evil and weakness… well… weakness isn’t in my vocabulary. Watching someone slowly pass away is really interesting. Maybe interesting is the wrong word, but that is all I can think of right now. The past few days have taught me patience, what …

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Become a Kardashian with affordable fashion from Sears #ThisisStyle #cbias

I’ve Got That Kardashian Swagger

Did you know the Kardashians are my sisters? My parents might not be Kris Jenner and Robert Kardashian, but I swear I am a Kardashian sister. You see, the producers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians put me up for adoption once they realized I was too outrageous for the rest of the cast. I guess …

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Christy Gossett AKA Sparkle Pants is the happiest when she pops the top of a Bud Light

Pink Bud Light Birthday Game

Are you ready for a pink Bud Light drinking game in honor of Christy Gossett’s birthday? Give me a WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT! (<~ Obnoxious, I know, but she is having a down in the doldrums birthday and that is so uncool.) I drank Bud Light! Did you see that? That was a Bud Light on my lips! ON …

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Good Cook 2QT batter bowl

Let the Treasure Hunt Begin!

It’s finally time for the treasure hunt I was talking about earlier! You can enter to win $1,000 in Good Cook Touch products by ‘hunting’ for the 115 codes on different blogs (see below) and different Good Cook Touch products. The participants who find the most icon codes will be entered to win one of three Good …

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Star Wars photo shoot ideas

Star Wars Photo Shoot

Who doesn’t spend their Saturdays knee deep in a Star Wars photo shoot? You can’t possibly be surprised we nerded out this hardcore after my Star Wars manicures yesterday. Scratch that. You can’t possibly be surprised at ANYTHING I say or do anymore. You guys have officially crossed over to the real life friends category and …

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Using Sally Hansen to create lightsaber nails during the Star Wars nail art party #IHeartMyNailArt

Star Wars Nail Art Party

Are you prepared for some Star Wars nail art? Don’t be a Sithy, you know you want to walk around slapping gently patting your loved ones as you make lightsaber sounds. “But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…” Star Wars: Episode V  You guys know I throw a mean party where I stress over every-single-detail, …

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Drink green tea from Bigelow Tea for better health

My Mission to Break it Down on the Dance Floor

I admit green tea hasn’t been apart of my life for very long. I wasn’t a cradle tea drinker, nor did I require a tea stash in college. Bigelow Tea came into my life when my online family started working with them. (At least I’m honest!) Keep in mind this is exactly how I have …

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Use Carmex Healing Cream and Sally Hansen polish to complete your 'I fail at being a girl' pedicure

I Fail at Being a Girl {Pedicure Edition}

It’s no surprise I fail at being a girl. Girls do things like give themselves pedicures, wear makeup and curl their hair. Those are things I either don’t know how to do, or am just learning, what of it? You might have heard me talk about this little event called SoFabCon in a post or …

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Homemade carrot baby food puree with Freshfoods Cook-n-Blend Baby Food Maker

Baby Food Recipes Made Easy

So you want to make baby food recipes, huh? I see the appeal of homemade baby food, trust me, I did it myself. I also cannon balled into the land of homemade baby food thinking it would be easy. Thinking I wouldn’t be sleep deprived. I assumed I wouldn’t have an infant hanging from my …

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Almost Paleo Carrot Cookie Recipe {Horrible Housewife}

{Almost} Paleo Carrot Cookie Recipe

I almost made a true Paleo carrot cookie recipe, almost, but not quite. You should be proud if you are a part timer like me! I’m all about baby steps because this whole Paleo Diet thing is incredibly overwhelming to think about doing all at once. You want me to throw away EVERYTHING and buy …

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