Distractions

Do you ever feel like you are a less than stellar mom or wife?  I am here to tell you that looks can be deceiving.  That women with a yard straight from the pages of Better Homes and Garden is secretly a hoarder.  Or that women who makes desserts that rival Martha Stewart has dirty laundry up to the ceiling.  What about those cooks you see on The Food Network?  They have fancy meals and they haven’t cleaned their toilet in months.

 This might just explain this housewife blog but if you could relate to this full time housewife, even slightly… you have found the right housewife website.  This is a place where mediocre is OK and stereotypical housewives are frowned upon, so embrace your flaws!

Fruti natural fruit bars makes being one of them easier #freshnfruti #cbias

The Day I Became One of Them

I never thought I would become ‘one of them’. I never thought I would willingly give up most of the things my household holds so dear to their heart: frosting, ice cream, etc. I have officially become one of those moms who fusses over nutritional labels, food dyes, and …GASP… ingredients. I’m talking about one …

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Watching someone die is exhausting and emotionally awkward

I Am Emotionally Awkward

I am emotionally awkward with little to no patience. It’s true. Emotions are evil and weakness… well… weakness isn’t in my vocabulary. Watching someone slowly pass away is really interesting. Maybe interesting is the wrong word, but that is all I can think of right now. The past few days have taught me patience, what …

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Become a Kardashian with affordable fashion from Sears #ThisisStyle #cbias

I’ve Got That Kardashian Swagger

Did you know the Kardashians are my sisters? My parents might not be Kris Jenner and Robert Kardashian, but I swear I am a Kardashian sister. You see, the producers of Keeping Up with the Kardashians put me up for adoption once they realized I was too outrageous for the rest of the cast. I guess …

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Christy Gossett AKA Sparkle Pants is the happiest when she pops the top of a Bud Light

Pink Bud Light Birthday Game

Are you ready for a pink Bud Light drinking game in honor of Christy Gossett’s birthday? Give me a WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT! (<~ Obnoxious, I know, but she is having a down in the doldrums birthday and that is so uncool.) I drank Bud Light! Did you see that? That was a Bud Light on my lips! ON …

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Good Cook 2QT batter bowl

Let the Treasure Hunt Begin!

It’s finally time for the treasure hunt I was talking about earlier! You can enter to win $1,000 in Good Cook Touch products by ‘hunting’ for the 115 codes on different blogs (see below) and different Good Cook Touch products. The participants who find the most icon codes will be entered to win one of three Good …

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Star Wars photo shoot ideas

Star Wars Photo Shoot

Who doesn’t spend their Saturdays knee deep in a Star Wars photo shoot? You can’t possibly be surprised we nerded out this hardcore after my Star Wars manicures yesterday. Scratch that. You can’t possibly be surprised at ANYTHING I say or do anymore. You guys have officially crossed over to the real life friends category and …

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Using Sally Hansen to create lightsaber nails during the Star Wars nail art party #IHeartMyNailArt

Star Wars Nail Art Party

Are you prepared for some Star Wars nail art? Don’t be a Sithy, you know you want to walk around slapping gently patting your loved ones as you make lightsaber sounds. “But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…” Star Wars: Episode V  You guys know I throw a mean party where I stress over every-single-detail, …

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Drink green tea from Bigelow Tea for better health

My Mission to Break it Down on the Dance Floor

I admit green tea hasn’t been apart of my life for very long. I wasn’t a cradle tea drinker, nor did I require a tea stash in college. Bigelow Tea came into my life when my online family started working with them. (At least I’m honest!) Keep in mind this is exactly how I have …

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Use Carmex Healing Cream and Sally Hansen polish to complete your 'I fail at being a girl' pedicure

I Fail at Being a Girl {Pedicure Edition}

It’s no surprise I fail at being a girl. Girls do things like give themselves pedicures, wear makeup and curl their hair. Those are things I either don’t know how to do, or am just learning, what of it? You might have heard me talk about this little event called SoFabCon in a post or …

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Homemade carrot baby food puree with Freshfoods Cook-n-Blend Baby Food Maker

Baby Food Recipes Made Easy

So you want to make baby food recipes, huh? I see the appeal of homemade baby food, trust me, I did it myself. I also cannon balled into the land of homemade baby food thinking it would be easy. Thinking I wouldn’t be sleep deprived. I assumed I wouldn’t have an infant hanging from my …

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Almost Paleo Carrot Cookie Recipe {Horrible Housewife}

{Almost} Paleo Carrot Cookie Recipe

I almost made a true Paleo carrot cookie recipe, almost, but not quite. You should be proud if you are a part timer like me! I’m all about baby steps because this whole Paleo Diet thing is incredibly overwhelming to think about doing all at once. You want me to throw away EVERYTHING and buy …

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Touch Treasure Hunt Prize- slotted spoon and turner

Let’s Treasure Hunt Together

Who says treasure hunts are only for kids? I like treasure and I sure as heck like stalking the beautiful bounty that comes with a treasure hunt. Maybe I am confusing beautiful bounty with random people on Facebook? I like to think of the random stalking as more of a ‘catching up’ with people I …

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Happy birthday to my daddy from the best brother in the universe!

My Better Half Deserves a Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You look like a monkey and you totally smelled like a monkey’s ass the day after your party. For real. Michael had the time of his life at his little LAN birthday party and drank enough that even he couldn’t stand his own ass stench. His odor …

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Kids can get away with anything when their mom is having a sick day

Do Sick Days for Moms Exist?

What do you mean sick days aren’t included in the mom compensation package? That must have been in the fine print of my contract because nobody in their right mind signs up for that kind of craziness. Call the police because I’ve been tricked into birthing a baby boy! How bittersweet motherhood is… (Please note I …

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Frozen food myths debunked- Healthy Choice recipes use chef-inspired ingredients like apples instead of sugar for tart sweetness and a splash of red wine for a punch of flavor instead of added salt. #frozenfacts

Frozen Food Myths Debunked

Let’s talk about frozen food myths a minute. Don’t your panties in a bunch as you sit there thinking frozen foods aren’t compatible with my new juicing lifestyle. Believe it or not, there are frozen food options that don’t taste like you are gnawing on cardboard and contain these crazy things called vegetables. Who would have …

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Good Cook Nonstick Cutlery makes cutting vegetables for green juice recipes easy

Chop, Chop Goes the Juice Chef

Every morning I wake up and pretend I am the newest juice chef in town filming my segment on a food show. I swear that’s not as lame as it sounds! What I mean is I finally upgraded from my hand me down college knives to big girl knives! Who needs knives in college anyway? …

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2013 is lucky for Horrible Housewife because of Collective Bias #luvsofab #cbias

Collective Bias is Making 2013 Lucky!

Do you consider yourself lucky? Not that kind of lucky, pervs. I’m talking about good things happening to you lucky. No! Stop! Control your gutter before it gets clogged with leaves! Can’t you tell when I’m trying to be serious? What do you mean I don’t know how to be serious? Well fiddlesticks… 2013 is …

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Green juice recipe- carrots, celery, kale, and cucumber {Horrible Housewife}

Green Juice Recipe & Weight Loss

Are you ready for another green juice recipe and weigh in? Sure you are because, you know, this post is 4 days late. You see, I had this sinus plague thing going on and kept sucking it (mucus) up. Michael even came down on me a few times for dragging my tail around the house, …

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Enough coffee cups to fill a coffee shop {Horrible Housewife}

Do You Have a Coffee Shop at Home?

I know Michael isn’t the only person out there with enough coffee cups to fill a coffee shop. Where do they all come from? Why do the shelves of Goodwill fill up with all of the coffee cups that aren’t personalized? How do you turn your family member into Coffee Cup Hoarding Anoynomous? These are …

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This stinky girl needs to say goodbye to body odor with Pulse Activated Wetness Protection {Horrible Housewife}

Goodbye Body Odor! Hello Armpit Fetish?

It’s no secret how often I shower, or don’t shower. Body odor just comes with the dirty girl territory. So why do men get all hot and bothered when they call us dirty girls, but when we actually are dirty girls, with armpit hair, they get strictly hands off? Men can be just as confusing …

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