Tales From a Horrible Housewife

Do you ever feel like you are a less than stellar mom or wife? Well,  I am here to tell you that looks can be deceiving.  That woman with a yard straight from the pages of Better Homes and Garden… is secretly a hoarder. That women who makes desserts rivaling Martha Stewart… has dirty laundry up to her ceiling. And don’t get me started about those cooks you see on The Food Network! Those cooks haven’t cleaned their toilet in months!

Maybe this just explains my housewife blog, but if you could remotely relate to this full time housewife… you have found somewhere to belong! This is a place where mediocre is OK and stereotypical housewives are frowned upon, so embrace your flaws and pour some wine!

*CHEERS*

You can turn peachy black tea into 3 different cocktails simply by muddling different ingredients into your glass. #SweetNLowStars

Peachy Black Tea Drink Recipe

I made this peachy black tea drink recipe with Sweet’N Low as part of a series of sponsored posts for Socialstars. #SweetNLowStars It’s summertime and you know what that means… PARTIES! Parties all day, every day! Wahoo! OK, maybe just on the weekend, but still. I have been feeling especially boozy with all of the wedding hustle and …

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How to Throw a Party for a Party Planner's Birthday- Never forget her special drinking glass.

How to Throw a Party for a Party Planner

I think it is time to discuss the purple elephant standing in the corner of this room. He is standing at your six. You don’t believe me? No, I wasn’t drinking before noon! I’m a classy broad, you know this! Well… maybe a little sip with my cake. I mean, it WAS right there. And it …

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The dark side of potty training boys.

Dark Side of Potty Training

“Don’t play with your penis at the dinner table.” “Don’t pee on the wall!” “Hang on, I have to wipe your butt!” “Just pull down your pants and pee on the tree.” I received the cleaning products mentioned in this potty training story for free from the sponsor of the Moms MeetSM program, May Media Group …

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Breakfast bruschetta made with Great Day Farms hard boiled eggs is the perfect brunch appetizer.

Breakfast Bruschetta

What do you think of when you hear ‘breakfast bruschetta’? Tomatoes served on bread with a side of sunny siders? Perhaps, but you would be wrong. This party diva was given the task of making an easy egg appetizer (that wasn’t deviled eggs) using hard-boiled eggs from Great Day Farms. Psshh…. please! Challenge accepted! Note- You …

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How to turn leftover ingredients into a delicious paleo egg scramble meal.

Paleo Egg Scramble

It always happens. I wake up with every intention of earning my wifey status, only it never seems to work out that way. Nope. Michael strolls into bedroom around 8:30 demanding we watch the same ABC show we watch every morning. To which I reply, “Go potty and we will watch ABCs.” I lift my face mask and …

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You can never have too much glitter and sparkles at a pink and gold bridal shower. #ambassador #sponsored

Pink and Gold Bridal Shower

“I participated in an Ambassador Program on behalf of Millennial Central for MY M&M’S. I received product samples to facilitate my pink and gold bridal shower and to thank me for my participation.” I never thought, even in my wildest dreams, I would ever utter the words you are about to read. At first, every fiber in my body slowly deteriorated as I planned …

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Ellipsis 7 Tablet from Verizon Wireless

Ellipsis 7 Tablet

The Ellipsis 7 Tablet from Verizon Wireless is a great example of why you should research a major purchase before making any decisions. There will always be pros and cons to a gadget. Always. Without pros and cons, we would be left with companies creating gadgets with one person in mind. And that one person …

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German chocolate cookies recipe with homemade german chocolate frosting. You don't want to miss the secret way to prepare this cookie so it becomes your favorite cookie recipe! #goodcookcom #goodcookkitchenexprt

German Chocolate Cookies

German chocolate cookies came into my life during the beginning of a pretty tough time. I remember one of my mom’s co-workers sending a batch of cookies and the recipe home with her in the midst of more than I can remember doctor appointments. She wanted to give me something that would make me feel …

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Paleo beef stroganoff with cauliflower rice recipe with step by step instructions and tips to make this a one pot recipe. #goodcookcom #goodcookkichenexprt

Paleo Beef Stroganoff

Paleo beef stroganoff is a favorite ’round these joints. Sure, noodles are nice, but this recipe… this recipe doesn’t make me feel like the Michelin Man after inhaling a giant bowl. One might even go out on a limb and say I woof it down. Screw the eat slow and let your brain realize it’s …

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Pink and gold bridal shower decorations- Add another glittery detail with gold glitter champagne flutes.

Pink and Gold Bridal Shower Decorations

“I participated in an Ambassador Program on behalf of Millennial Central for MY M&M’S. I received product samples to facilitate my pink and gold bridal shower decorations and to thank me for my participation.” PSSST… The full bridal shower is live here if you want to see the finished product! Wedding season has descended upon families everywhere. …

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How to complete your housewife duties in style- Never leave home without a pearl necklace.

Housewife Duties

“I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting (#MC) for Reebok. I received a product sample to facilitate my review and a promotional item as a thank you for sharing my housewife duties with you.” Do you remember when I confessed my perfect housewife sins to you? I admitted to the laundry, the …

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What's in my suitcase for SoFabCon- a super secret surprise for everyone!

What’s in My Suitcase

I spent the majority of yesterday packing for a SIX day trip to Arkansas. I am 100% serious right meow. I was tasked with putting 6 days worth of multiple outfit changes into a SINGLE suitcase. So, as I tossed the bottle of Jasmine Sparkling Mimosa that BeautyStat (#bstat #love2lovewalmart) sent me into my bag, I wondered… …

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Step by step (with pictures) recipe showing you how to create paleo pizza cups with a cauliflower crust.

Paleo Pizza Bowls

Paleo pizza isn’t a new thing. In fact, we sometimes enjoy meat crust pizza weekly because Michael will throw down on some pizza. One day he will go to a friend’s house and realize all of the lies I spun surrounding food. *Cue the dramatic music.* “You lied to me my whole life, Mom!” “Sweetheart, …

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The life of an indoor cat- posing for pictures is a daily thing #goodlifepet #shop

The Life of an Indoor Cat

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. My indoor cat story has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. Have you ever stopped to think about how awesome it would be to trade places with your furbaby for a day? I don’t know …

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Star Wars fans rejoice! R2D2 and others were everywhere you looked at LEGO KidsFest. #LEGOKidsFest

LEGO KidsFest

Remember when I told you about LEGO KidsFest? Maybe? How about you humor me and say you have a vague recollection. Puh-leeze? Thanks. LEGO® KidsFest is probably our favorite PR event because LEGO blocks sort of consume our life. For real. You will find them in every corner of our home, except the toilet. (Knocks on wood.) …

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Upcycled cupcake tower craft tutorial explaining how to turn an empty diaper box, vegetable can, and Gerber snack food container into cute party decorations. #lifeforless #PMedia #ad

Upcycled Cupcake Tower

This upcycled cupcake tower is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and All You Magazine, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #lifeforless http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV. What would you say if I told you these cupcake stands were made from recycled materials? And I don’t mean plastic made from recycled materials. …

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Step by step instructions showing you how to create a simple Pinot Grigio Chicken recipe with a side of cauliflower rice. #FlightSong

Pinot Grigio Chicken

“I participated in an Ambassador Program on behalf of Millennial Central for Brancott Estate Wines. I received product samples to facilitate my Pinot Grigio Chicken recipe as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation.” Wine sits pretty high on my love scale. Think… on the same level as my child and camera. I know there is one …

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Setting up and using the Logitech Harmony Smart Keyboard is a breeze. #HarmonySmartKeyboard

Logitech Harmony Smart Keyboard at Best Buy

The reviewer has been compensated in the form of a Best Buy Gift Card and/or received the product/service at a reduced price or for free. I’m not a gambling woman but the odds that you are reading the latest edition of Talk to Nerdy to Me from a portable device, with the TV on in the …

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Find out how easy it is to call on your inner dinner ninja and get Easter dinner on the table in no time! #HoneyBakedEaster #sponsored

Dinner Ninja

You guys. Someone offered me money and food to give up one of my party secrets. Seriously. One of my party secrets! The things I do for money are inching me closer to straight floozy status! Meh, the Schuplins gotta eat, amirite? And I know you guys follow along so well that you are up …

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How to be the perfect housewife- Vacuum daily in heels. #EurekaPower #shop

How to Be the Perfect Housewife

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. The confession of my new cleaning, vacuuming, perfect housewife lifestyle has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. I’ve been living a bit of a lie as of late. OK, maybe not a lie… more like …

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Paleo Almond Joy Bark (step by step) recipe in a spring themed bark mold. Perfect for Easter treats! #goodcookcom #goodcookkitchenexprt

Paleo Almond Joy Bark

Dudes. I don’t know about you but back in the day I would throw down on the Almond Joys… all day, every day. And there was a science to my Almond Joy consumption. It was required that I bite the Almond Joy precisely in the middle of the almond so I had equal parts almond …

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Cat poop doesn't stand a chance against my Litter Genie. #pmedia #petparents #ad

An Open Letter to Cat Poop

“This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group™ and Litter Genie, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #petparents http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV.” I almost titled this post cat poop. Just plain cat poop. I mean, why not get straight to the point, right? The thought still haunts me but I felt …

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Pineapple mango salsa recipe that will be used as 'dressing' on a paleo taco salad.

Paleo Taco Salad and Pineapple Mango Salsa

At one point in my life I loved everything about tacos, especially the beans. I loved me some beans! Then I started my semi-paleo journey… goodbye my precious beans, tortillas, and cheese. It was torture! And like most paleo households, I slowly started introducing my favorite foods ‘other people consider healthy’ (like beans) back into …

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Just in time for Easter! Step by step craft (with pictures) explaining how to create these hidden chocolate carrots. #EatMoreBites #shop

Hidden Chocolate Carrots

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. This hidden chocolate carrots craft has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. Easter, also known as creepy bunny man season, is upon us and that means parents everywhere are counting down the days until their …

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Blogger Burnout cocktail recipe

Blogger Burnout Cocktail

Blogger Burnout is special. Special like the time your bestie hacked your account and confessed your love for no-wipers… Oh, that has yet to happen to you? Ha! Just wait until you leave your social media tether unattended this May. Unless, of course, you are a potty publisher. Potty publishers are a little trickier to …

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Easy paleo bacon and asparagus dinner recipe

Paleo Bacon and Asparagus Dinner

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser. Have you ever heard the saying ‘nothing good ever came easy’? Kitchen experiments, like this paleo bacon and asparagus dinner, can end a few ways: pizza, …

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Paleo Meal Plan- Orange Chicken

Paleo Meal Plan #1

I know you guys think I force my household to eat cardboard but cardboard isn’t gluten free sooo… yeah… My fellow ripped hoohaa ladies asked me to share what a normal paleo meal plan looks like for the Schuplin household so here I am… opening the floodgates on what’s good and what isn’t. My mission …

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Spring fashion- Coral earrings from Simply Vera Vera Wang at Kohl's

Spring Fashion- Rolled Cuff Denim to Feminine Date

 “I participated in a campaign on behalf of Mom Central Consulting for spring fashion at Kohl’s. I received a Kohl’s gift card to facilitate my post and as a thank you for participating.” I live in yoga pants. Like, 90% of my life is spent in a 13% elastic, 87% cotton blend of comfort. Try it …

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Marriage survival kit for a funny bride and groom

Marriage Survival Kit

Wedding season is upon us and that means Pinterest is about to barf wedding all over the place as doe eyed women finalize their perfect wedding. My fellow been there, done that ladies know what’s up. Instead of the bridesmaids stressing over the contents of her wedding day survival kit (White Out and chalk for …

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A geekmom swimming in LEGO Duplo blocks

GeekMom Status

Confession- I am a closet geek on her way to becoming a full blown geekmom. I put my geek to bed a long time ago because I needed to become a grown-up. You know, the people who read newspapers while drinking coffee. Lies. I traded the 20 hours a day I spent playing my favorite …

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Berbere salmon with new potatoes and kale recipe from Plated

Berbere Salmon with New Potatoes and Kale

I was slightly peer pressured into preparing a berbere salmon recipe this week. And by slightly, I totally mean Facebook ads kept taunting me with a sweet Plated deal. I don’t get it. Facebook forgets to notify me when a friend tags me in an unflattering picture but you bet your perfectly toned tushies I see …

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Buffalo Chicken Dip recipe using Frank's RedHot

Buffalo Chicken Dip

I know buffalo chicken dip isn’t a new concept in this Pinterest driven world but I felt compelled to explain the whole blue cheese thing to my fellow picky eaters. Mmmmkay? I equate my feelings towards blue cheese to how I would feel if I were to find gold, or something else that could be …

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