Question- What are night terrors?
Answer- Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she’s pregnant again. (source)
I was browsing Amazon the other day and I scroll down to find this advertisement for Clearblue. How the hell do you guys know?
I know that advertising is good but when did it become a mind reader? I suddenly felt all violated and dirty because the advertising Gods probed me hard since they knew that I was counting down the hours until I started my period. I was late and it was pissing me off. Everyone can admit that we all get to that point unless we are trying to get pregnant. Tick, tock, tick, tock. When’s this geyser gonna blow?
Question- I’m modest. Once I’m in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
Answer- Authorized personnel only – doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc. (source)
Mother Nature has my ovulation calendar all jacked up right now because it thinks that I am ovulating twice a month since my cycle is all screwed up after the baby. No thank you; I would be happier knowing that I wasn’t ovulating at all right now! There’s no way that I would have the discipline to track my ovulation myself so I use an app on my phone! I love technology! It’s easier for me to just say no sex or slap a pad on so when he goes in for the kill he is shot down. “Aww man you’re on your period?”
*Raises hand* Totally guilty of this one! Oh boy was he cranky when he found out! hahahahaha
I leave you with this picture because I think this little girl will be incredibly disappointed the day that they cut her vagina to Timbuktu and it never heals. I love Michael but shit man!
PS: I applaud you Amazon advertiser because you have somehow crossed the barrier into my deepest thoughts. For a moment I thought about peeing on a stick but it was a short lived minute. Kudos!