I came up with a theme for my Horrible Housewife photo shoot before it even started. Did you guess WINE? You sure are some good mind readers! Are you really surprised though?
During my housewife picture research I found plenty of horrible housewifes with cigarettes in their mouths but not much else. If there is one thing that I dislike, it is smoking. I am a pretty indifferent person unless you drink and drive or smoke. I HATE both of those actions and my panties get all bunched up over it! I don’t even want to get on that soapbox because it is just as annoying as my Facebook feed filling up with all of these damn political rants. Amiright guys? I thought so…
Today is a special day… It’s Lindsay’s mother f’ing birthday! Lindsay Decker, the photographer responsible for all of these rockstar pictures. Here is a snippet of one of our conversations during the photo shoot.
Me “Just don’t make me look like a porn star… or fat.”
Her “I am trying to avoid getting your boob in the shot.” <~ AKA hold your saggy titties up so I can get this damn picture!
Me ”Let me pick those up off of the floor.”
It didn’t matter that my deflated flaps of skin were free ballin’ in the basement because this woman has been around MY block before. Everyone has seen these breasts because I am, what you call, a wild child! I remember when I got my nipples pierced; I just HAD TO walk around my dorm unit showing everyone my newest set of jewels. You know, back when everything defied gravity?
Lindsay even went with me to get my hood pierced! I almost had the same number of faces in my crotch as I did delivering Michael but I have no shame! It didn’t even hurt! Once I healed enough to swap out the boring silver balls, I ran right over to her house to show her my new jewels! Who doesn’t accessorize their vagina?
NOTE: I no longer have all of my fancy jewelry because I am a classy broad now; it’s all about pearls and panties. When I met Michael he thought tattoos were for whores but that is a whole different topic for a different day!
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Courtney Mora-Ludwig
September 19, 2012 at 2:02 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LOL this is a whole other side of you – I like it. Keep it up, it makes me smile and giggle before I turn the laptop off.
Courtney Mora-Ludwig recently posted..Boogie Wipes, AGAIN
[Reply]
Kacy
September 19, 2012 at 7:35 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I am fully scared/excited to see what we write about when we are in our 70s
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Lyuba
September 19, 2012 at 8:23 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Haha, well, I don’t have anything pierced because I really dislike needles. (Until, you know, the pregnancy when you are poked every day.) But I sure did like flashing people, I mean who doesn’t love showing of perfect DDs?! But now, there is nothing perfect about them…
Lyuba recently posted..Smoked Chicken Sandwich
[Reply]
Mallery Reply:
September 19th, 2012 at 1:35 pm
I am happy to hear there is a fellow flasher in the house!
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Lindsay
September 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“I SHOWED LINDSAY MY BALLS” will never, ever get old.
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Lena - @elenka29
September 20, 2012 at 10:10 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Dude, you sure know how to make me laugh in the morning
Lena – @elenka29 recently posted..New Balance Minimus – Product Review
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Kristina
September 20, 2012 at 7:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You’re kinky! I like kinky
I almost got my nips pierced when I was 18 but never did. At that time It would have been something very unexpected of me. I’m more of a “wild child” now than I was as a teen. I think if I got my nipples pierced now it would come as no shock to anyone.
Kristina recently posted..Huggies: Dad Tips From An Awesome Dad
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Mallery Reply:
September 24th, 2012 at 10:16 am
That’s my kind of girl!
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Judy
September 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This made me laugh so hard. When I got my girls pierced, I flashed anyone who would look.
Judy recently posted..Fall Fashion Week- Day 1
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Mallery Reply:
September 24th, 2012 at 10:15 am
It’s just like showing off a newborn.
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Amy
September 27, 2012 at 10:56 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh dear god…I think I see a Yellow Beaver.
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What Makes a Housewife Horrible Photo Shoot Successful? | Horrible Housewife
October 24, 2012 at 11:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
[...] though this was not a pinup session, they came in handy. Let me just say that Michael will have oodles and oodles of porn soon. Classy porn, not that crotch shot, eat my asshole shit. Tube socks are only in our house for [...]