I came up with a theme for my Horrible Housewife photo shoot before it even started. Did you guess WINE? You sure are some good mind readers! Are you really surprised though?
During my housewife picture research I found plenty of horrible housewifes with cigarettes in their mouths but not much else. If there is one thing that I dislike, it is smoking. I am a pretty indifferent person unless you drink and drive or smoke. I HATE both of those actions and my panties get all bunched up over it! I don’t even want to get on that soapbox because it is just as annoying as my Facebook feed filling up with all of these damn political rants. Amiright guys? I thought so…
Today is a special day… It’s Lindsay’s mother f’ing birthday! Lindsay Decker, the photographer responsible for all of these rockstar pictures. Here is a snippet of one of our conversations during the photo shoot.
Me “Just don’t make me look like a porn star… or fat.”
Her “I am trying to avoid getting your boob in the shot.” <~ AKA hold your saggy titties up so I can get this damn picture!
Me ”Let me pick those up off of the floor.”
It didn’t matter that my deflated flaps of skin were free ballin’ in the basement because this woman has been around MY block before. Everyone has seen these breasts because I am, what you call, a wild child! I remember when I got my nipples pierced; I just HAD TO walk around my dorm unit showing everyone my newest set of jewels. You know, back when everything defied gravity?
Lindsay even went with me to get my hood pierced! I almost had the same number of faces in my crotch as I did delivering Michael but I have no shame! It didn’t even hurt! Once I healed enough to swap out the boring silver balls, I ran right over to her house to show her my new jewels! Who doesn’t accessorize their vagina?
NOTE: I no longer have all of my fancy jewelry because I am a classy broad now; it’s all about pearls and panties. When I met Michael he thought tattoos were for whores but that is a whole different topic for a different day!