I Am Thankful For…
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I am thankful for…
- The little rugrat {that ripped me a new one, tears up the house, throws his cereal all over the floor, and takes man poops you can only clean up with a bath} because he gives me, and me alone, kisses when I ask for them.
- Modern medicine because I very much enjoy waking up every morning and walking. I would prefer not to shit my pants anymore, but beggars can’t be choosers.
- The ultimate Horrible Husband {his hair is everywhere, he can’t hit the toilet to save his life, he is always horny, and he keeps a bright yellow Fiero in our garage} because he puts up with more than any other man might.
- My family… ’nuff said.
- My job {I work a million hours a day, I am always taking a picture of something, my phone battery dies twice a day, and my social media notifications are endless} because I don’t have to shower or get fully dressed to do my job. Now I will be in trouble if Windows ever comes out with a computer program that transmits smells.
- Wine because it makes CERTAIN family functions easier to tolerate. Wine also turns off what little of a filter I have, can we say wine is a double edged sword?
- Family members who don’t try to tell you how to raise your kid and who also don’t tell you how screwed up your kid is. Who flipping cares if he still has a bottle, doesn’t use a spoon, doesn’t care for plates, and gets into everything. You already raised your kids so let me raise mine.
- My clitoris, it’s a shame the clitoris doesn’t get more praise. I watched as my sister ripped straight up to her clitoris and urethra when she had Leah. When the doctor told her what had happened she replied, “That is the worst news ever!” She also loves her clitoris.
- My BFFs because I suck at telling them I am thankful for them. I suck so hard at being a friend sometimes.
- My yellow beavers, not to be confused with my clitoris, and online friends. These are people that ‘get’ me and still love me without my filter. I never feel the need to censor myself when I am around them because we all suck so hard…
- Every single one of you who leave a comment on a post, share the posts socially, talk to me on social media, and enter any of my giveaways. I would be talking to myself if it wasn’t for YOUR engagement! Masturbating is fun, but orgies are better.
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About the author
Mallery
I'm not perfect and I'm OK with it. I pick my battles so I have ammunition when it is something I really want. I still can't believe Michael takes me out in public because I have zero tact and curse like a sailor.
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3 comments
Rachael
November 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I hope my clitoris still works in 6 weeks!
[Reply]
Amy
November 23, 2012 at 5:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You mentioned Yellow Beavers. Of course this means I now have to kill you. You suck so hard. I’m still thankful for you, though.
Amy recently posted..{Word of the Week} Incandescent
[Reply]
jillian
November 26, 2012 at 11:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I am incredibly thankful for you, my friend without a filter. Because those of us who have one certainly need a friend they can count on to tell it like it is and say the things we couldn’t even bring ourselves to type without blushing
I am thankful I got to know you this year…that’s YOU….along with your internet celebrity of a vagina, your hairy pits, your prescription pill popping GIGANTIC toddler (he will be the size of me by his 3rd birthday, mark my words) and all of the other things that make you so YOU that no one else could possibly be confused with you. Basically, YOU ROCK SISTER!
jillian recently posted..Something For Mommy – Wish List Magnets
[Reply]