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Jan 22

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Say Goodbye to Bloating

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Say Goodbye to Bloating- Week 1 results I am happy to report a little bow-chick-bow-ow is in order here in the Schuplin household! I forgot how easy it is to feel sexy again when I finally decide to say goodbye to bloating! Ahhhhh shoot! What woman doesn’t enjoy sex? A woman who is experiencing some excess weight and/or bloating, that’s who!

FYI: if you aren’t overweight or bloating and you answered that question as a person who doesn’t enjoy sex, you are doing it wrong and we need to talk. :)

The reason I decided to say goodbye to bloating…

Unfortunately, my little man in the boat was guarded by barbed wire and attack dogs while I ovulated last week! (This chicka doesn’t play around when it comes to getting pregnant again, except for this one time (at band camp) that put Michael on sex probation. Believe it or not, sex probation does exist in my world.) I was lucky enough to be granted exclusive access because… well… you know, a girl has some wicked needs that must be met while she is ovulating. (In case you didn’t know how babies are made.) say goodbye to bloating- sex probation

Cartoon credit (with permission)

With each day I went to the gym my libido doubled, it tripled, I was a horn dog who’s bun was missing a sausage! Loooovee meee! Michael was so desperate for some lovin’ he tried to bribe me into bed with wine! Nice try fella! Wine isn’t going to get you laid this time, no matter how sexy I feel.

How did I digress so much?

Say goodbye to bloating and you will feel sexy again!

Say Goodbye to Bloating- week 1 weight in The moral of the story is to suck it up and make the time for the gym. You will feel so much better about yourself once you say goodbye to bloating and hello to the gym! For real, it isn’t even about the weight you are losing, it’s about the way the gym makes you feel! (Not to mention that you can orgasm while exercising your abs.)

How did I drop 2 pounds last week?

I read this eye opening book and decided I needed to change some of my bad habits. Then I purged the cupboards and replaced the food with healthy snacks I could fit into my tighter than tight schedule. I paired the healthy snacks with crazy simple dinner recipes, and topped it all off with going to the gym every weekday. I am officially addicted again to my crack cocaine known as working out. Yes!

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About the author


My name is Mallery and I am a recovering workaholic. I curse like a sailor. I'm a mix of obsessive and awkward. I talk about bowel habits more than I should and I enjoy wine, gaming, and tattoos.

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/01/feel-sexy-again-and-say-goodbye-to-bloating/


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  1. janet

    This is awesome news, chick! I keep telling Howard that feeling better leads to these things, but he keeps suggesting pizza, bringing home fried chicken, and cooking pancakes!
    janet recently posted..Five ways to answer the question: Who is the baby daddy?My Profile


  2. Agnes

    My kind of blog – motherhood, chores, food and wine all wrapped up in one. Started following you all over…two pounds? Hope to do same..just started new diet….aint easy….have a great day and stop by…


    Mallery Reply:

    Thanks for humoring this housewife! What sort of diet are you doing?


  3. Theresa

    You look great.


  4. Maria

    Great job!! I wish I was addicted to working out! lol
    Maria recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: It’s Carnival Time #MardiGras #NolaMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    I need a week and I am back to being addicted. :)


  5. Grace Hodgin

    Great job and so glad for you on your success on a healthier path.
    Grace Hodgin recently posted..Mr. Lid Never Lose The Lid Again!My Profile


  6. Christy

    Woohoo! 2 pounds already! That’s great Mallery. Keep it up and don’t get knocked up before May! 😉
    Christy recently posted..Galveston Club Paradise: Smiling Babies and DolphinsMy Profile


  7. Jillian

    I only bloat when my monthly come around. I never like the feeling and will definitely try to get my hands on this to give it a try.
    Jillian recently posted..WW – They say she looks like me.My Profile


  8. Samantha

    Your video cracked me up!!! That’s awesome that you lost two pounds in two weeks!! I need to follow in your foot steps!! You look fabulous!!!


    Mallery Reply:

    Did you like the penguin? LMAO


  9. Amber T.

    Wow.. congrats on the gym.. while everyone is congratulating you, i want tips on how to orgasm while exercising.. THAT may strike my interest in going to the gym! LMAO
    Amber T. recently posted..How to Naturally Fight the Flu AffordablyMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    Google it! I have a ton of friends who have the ability to orgasm while working out! I like the feeling I get while I am humping the air. 😉


  10. Connie

    OMG, first of all you’re so skinny! Second, you crack me up. And 3rd, you look just a wee bit crazy at 3am :)
    Connie recently posted..Technology: Lenovo Shares IdeaPad Yoga at Sundance Film FestivalMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    Just a wee bit crazy? You don’t have to play nice in your comments! LOL


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