I am happy to report a little bow-chick-bow-ow is in order here in the Schuplin household! I forgot how easy it is to feel sexy again when I finally decide to say goodbye to bloating! Ahhhhh shoot! What woman doesn’t enjoy sex? A woman who is experiencing some excess weight and/or bloating, that’s who!
FYI: if you aren’t overweight or bloating and you answered that question as a person who doesn’t enjoy sex, you are doing it wrong and we need to talk.
The reason I decided to say goodbye to bloating…
Unfortunately, my little man in the boat was guarded by barbed wire and attack dogs while I ovulated last week! (This chicka doesn’t play around when it comes to getting pregnant again, except for this one time (at band camp) that put Michael on sex probation. Believe it or not, sex probation does exist in my world.) I was lucky enough to be granted exclusive access because… well… you know, a girl has some wicked needs that must be met while she is ovulating. (In case you didn’t know how babies are made.) 
Cartoon credit (with permission)
With each day I went to the gym my libido doubled, it tripled, I was a horn dog who’s bun was missing a sausage! Loooovee meee! Michael was so desperate for some lovin’ he tried to bribe me into bed with wine! Nice try fella! Wine isn’t going to get you laid this time, no matter how sexy I feel.
How did I digress so much?
Say goodbye to bloating and you will feel sexy again!
The moral of the story is to suck it up and make the time for the gym. You will feel so much better about yourself once you say goodbye to bloating and hello to the gym! For real, it isn’t even about the weight you are losing, it’s about the way the gym makes you feel! (Not to mention that you can orgasm while exercising your abs.)
How did I drop 2 pounds last week?
I read this eye opening book and decided I needed to change some of my bad habits. Then I purged the cupboards and replaced the food with healthy snacks I could fit into my tighter than tight schedule. I paired the healthy snacks with crazy simple dinner recipes, and topped it all off with going to the gym every weekday. I am officially addicted again to my crack cocaine known as working out. Yes!
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janet
January 22, 2013 at 10:42 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This is awesome news, chick! I keep telling Howard that feeling better leads to these things, but he keeps suggesting pizza, bringing home fried chicken, and cooking pancakes!
janet recently posted..Five ways to answer the question: Who is the baby daddy?
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Agnes
January 23, 2013 at 6:40 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
My kind of blog – motherhood, chores, food and wine all wrapped up in one. Started following you all over…two pounds? Hope to do same..just started new diet….aint easy….have a great day and stop by…
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Mallery Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for humoring this housewife! What sort of diet are you doing?
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Theresa
January 23, 2013 at 7:33 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You look great.
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Maria
January 23, 2013 at 7:41 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Great job!! I wish I was addicted to working out! lol
Maria recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: It’s Carnival Time #MardiGras #Nola
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Mallery Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:36 pm
I need a week and I am back to being addicted.
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Grace Hodgin
January 23, 2013 at 9:08 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Great job and so glad for you on your success on a healthier path.
Grace Hodgin recently posted..Mr. Lid Never Lose The Lid Again!
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Christy
January 23, 2013 at 9:41 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Woohoo! 2 pounds already! That’s great Mallery. Keep it up and don’t get knocked up before May!
Christy recently posted..Galveston Club Paradise: Smiling Babies and Dolphins
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Jillian
January 23, 2013 at 10:02 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I only bloat when my monthly come around. I never like the feeling and will definitely try to get my hands on this to give it a try.
Jillian recently posted..WW – They say she looks like me.
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Samantha
January 23, 2013 at 12:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Your video cracked me up!!! That’s awesome that you lost two pounds in two weeks!! I need to follow in your foot steps!! You look fabulous!!!
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Mallery Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:36 pm
Did you like the penguin? LMAO
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Amber T.
January 23, 2013 at 2:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Wow.. congrats on the gym.. while everyone is congratulating you, i want tips on how to orgasm while exercising.. THAT may strike my interest in going to the gym! LMAO
Amber T. recently posted..How to Naturally Fight the Flu Affordably
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Mallery Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:40 pm
Google it! I have a ton of friends who have the ability to orgasm while working out! I like the feeling I get while I am humping the air.
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Connie
January 23, 2013 at 5:35 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
OMG, first of all you’re so skinny! Second, you crack me up. And 3rd, you look just a wee bit crazy at 3am
Connie recently posted..Technology: Lenovo Shares IdeaPad Yoga at Sundance Film Festival
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Mallery Reply:
January 24th, 2013 at 12:56 am
Just a wee bit crazy? You don’t have to play nice in your comments! LOL
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Weight Loss Setbacks - Horrible Housewife | Horrible Housewife
February 18, 2013 at 11:23 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
[...] After two days in the gym I saw the reduction in my bloating and felt like a sexy beast again! Bow chicka wow wow! I did good eating when Daddy Michael WASN’T around me with his cheating habits. [...]
Using Juice Recipes to Lose Weight the Healthy Way | Horrible Housewife
March 12, 2013 at 4:24 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
[...] was pissed because I gained 10 pounds in the 5 months I sat on my ass eating pizza twice a [...]