Jan 29

Print this Post

Why I Suck at Being a Wife

1.8K Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 13 Google+ 3 Pin It Share 422 StumbleUpon 1.3K Email -- Filament.io 1.8K Flares ×

11 Reasons I suck at being a wife

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I suck at being a wife. If Michael would have asked for wife auditions before saying yes when I told asked him to marry me, he would have ran away… far, far away. I mean, I get sucking can have its perks, but when you suck this hard you have to wonder what the appeal is. It sure as heck doesn’t have anything to do with my postpartum breasts!

Things that suck less than me-

  • Socks with holes in them.
  • Realizing you are missing one ingredient for a recipe.
  • Paper cuts.
  • Hair babies.
  • The video card in my computer.
  • My inability to have 20 windows open and still is lightening fast internet. (What gives?)

Let me do you all a favor and explain the 11 reasons I suck at being a wife so you can spin them into the 11 things you SHOULDN’T do. I can almost promise you good wife status if you don’t do anything on this list! Ha!

Reasons why I suck at being a wife

I suck at being a wife because I’m lazy and hate chores.
I suck at being a wife because I don’t change my clothes. (See lazy.)
I suck at being a wife because I don’t shower daily, or even every other day.
I suck at being a wife because I love being alone.
I suck at being a wife because I hate cuddling.
I suck at being a wife because we don’t go to bed together. (See cuddling.)
I suck at being a wife because I’m aggressive
I suck at being a wife because he thinks I have ADD.
I suck at being a wife because I’m selfish.
I suck at being a wife because I love his son more than him.
I suck at being a wife because I agree just to shut him up.


1.8K Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 13 Google+ 3 Pin It Share 422 StumbleUpon 1.3K Email -- Filament.io 1.8K Flares ×

About the author


My name is Mallery and I am a recovering workaholic. I curse like a sailor. I'm a mix of obsessive and awkward. I talk about bowel habits more than I should and I enjoy wine, gaming, and tattoos.

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/01/why-i-suck-at-being-a-wife/


5 pings

Skip to comment form

  1. @Mommy_Jennof3

    LOL! Great post! I’m glad you are happy being you!
    @Mommy_Jennof3 recently posted..Wordless Wednesday~ Maybe spring can wait!My Profile


  2. Tiffany

    Um. Hello. I apparently am a horrible wife as well, because I super suck in all those areas. Oops.
    Tiffany recently posted..10+ ways to keep kids busy in the grocery storeMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    At least you know you aren’t alone. :)


  3. Dede

    I think if you agree just to shut him up, you are a better woman than I am!! I disagree just to make mine mad sometimes.
    Dede recently posted..Tricities Tuesday: 60 minute massage for only $29? Dinner at Wellingtons? Hello, Valentine’s Day!My Profile


  4. Anne

    I hate cuddling too! You’d think after 20 some years my husband would accept that, but no.
    Anne recently posted..My La-Z-Boy Mom Cave DreamsMy Profile


  5. Colette S @JamericanSpice

    Ooh dear we have so much in common! Hahaha

    Love it!!
    Colette S @JamericanSpice recently posted..Top Ten Inspirational Quotes to Keep you Going!My Profile


  6. Amy

    I’m definitely not a sucky wife…of course I have to rescue my own hair babies so it’s a trade off.
    Amy recently posted..iPad Apps for Kids {For Dummies}My Profile


  7. Randa @ The Bewitchin' Kitchen

    Haha! I loved this post. I’m lazy and hate chores too!
    Randa @ The Bewitchin’ Kitchen recently posted..Gooey Cinnamon Rolls – The Last Recipe You Will Ever TryMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    All the cool kids agree with us. :)


  8. Debi@ The Spring Mount 6 Pack

    I fall into so many of those. I must be a sucky wife too. But hubby new what he was getting with me, so he must not mind. I love this post.
    Debi@ The Spring Mount 6 Pack recently posted..It’s been cold- Wordless Wednesday with LinkyMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    Agreed! LOL


  9. Christy

    Hahaha…I hate to cuddle too. Is that so wrong? And I need alone time. For all that is good and holy, I need alone time. Six kids…a husband…so much work. Really, we’re good people. Others just don’t see our beauty. 😉 Now go take a shower.
    Christy recently posted..Galveston Club Paradise: Let Your Inner Pirate EmergeMy Profile


  10. Milena

    LOVE!!!!!!!!! So honest!
    Milena recently posted..The Kids School Work OrganizerMy Profile


  11. Fawn Weaver

    Love this, Mallery! And I love even more that my husband thinks it would be so boring to be married to a perfect wife. I definitely provide plenty laughs for him every day!
    Fawn Weaver recently posted..Why My Marriage Just Keeps Getting Better {& Link Up Party}My Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    I agree! Life would be easier with the ‘perfect wife’ but we make life fun to live with! That’s what I tell myself. :)


  12. Katie B. of HousewifeHowTos.com

    I hate cuddling, too! And I need a L-O-T of alone time. Maybe that’s why I’m not so anti-chore… as long as I’m cleaning, no one in the house dares to bother me because they might have to help out.
    Katie B. of HousewifeHowTos.com recently posted..How To Tuesday Link PartyMy Profile


    Mallery Reply:

    I tried to say I would clean if he would take Michael and leave me alone, but it didn’t work. Boo!


  13. JanetGoingCrazy

    I’m a totally sucky wife (although my husband would say “you do NOT, you used to and that is WHY I married you”). I think he thought I was going to be this awesome sugar momma so he knocked me up so I would marry him. So now I guess he got the $$ part right but everything else just sucks! I basically bathe our boy (most of the time unless I don’t feel like it and then I make him do it) and I cuddle the boy to make him go to sleep at night (but really the boy and I just lay there and talk and keep him awake when he is trying to sleep because he is so tired, but I don’t know why he’s so tired)…oh, and I drive them around everywhere they want to go (except I bitch and moan about it all the time and I never actually go into the places, they go without me while I stay in the car and play on my phone). 😀
    JanetGoingCrazy recently posted..{Dallas, Houston, Austin} Texas Pride and Football! NFL Stars Meet & Greet at select Sam’s Clubs this weekend!My Profile


  1. I'm a Dirty Girl, do I Smell? - The Dirty Floor Diaries

    […] I’m not the only one, y’all!  My long lost twin sister, and fellow Horrible Housewife, doesn’t shower daily either. […]

  2. Why I Suck at Being a Blogger Friend & How to Make Bloggers Happy | Horrible Housewife

    […] you why I suck at being a blogger friend. What’s there to lose? I already survived my ‘why I suck at being a wife‘ confession. Have you ever heard the word overcommit? I am a serial over committer when it […]

  3. Happy Birthday to My Better Half as He Turns 28 Years Old | Horrible Housewife

    […] pretty much love you because you put up with all of the reasons I suck at being a wife and I have accepted I’m only good for […]

  4. Cow Who Needs a Kettlebell | Horrible Housewife

    […] to get a beer belly or the nasty looking bodybuilder thing so many men yearn for. Double yuck! Yes, I suck at being a wife, sue me. Yes, I just publicly admitted to the blogosphere what most people keep to themselves for […]

  5. Back to Campus He Goes | Horrible Housewife

    […] this is the point where I publicly acknowledge his style advancements because Google seems to think I suck at being a wife. (It’s true 75% of the time but ranking #1 seems harsh. Ha!)) Michael is now wearing fitted […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge