«

»

Feb 05

How to Win Monopoly {The Unethical Housewife Way}

113 Flares Twitter 98 Facebook 2 Google+ 10 Pin It Share 2 StumbleUpon 1 Email -- Filament.io 113 Flares ×

Horrible Housewife- How to win Monopoly {Housewife Style}

I’m about to get real up in this joint and give away my dirty girl secrets for those wondering how to win Monopoly. (Literally, I am giving away a Monopoly game at the end of this post.)

You might benefit from my Monopoly secrets if…

You are competitive.
You are a sore loser.
You get bored quickly.
You need be in control.

Horrible Housewife- How to win Monopoly {don't give free rent}

I suck so hard at playing by the rules when it comes to playing Monopoly! There is something about wanting to shove Michael’s face in a loss that gets me all hot and bothered! For real, it isn’t healthy for him to be right and/or win at EVERYTHING in his life! My not so secret mission is to deflate his ego whenever I can to make myself feel better! Your girl needs to be on top sometimes!

Horrible Housewife- How to win Monopoly {Keep a stash of money under the board} How to win Monopoly

  • Be a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater and stash those $500 bills under the board! I consider their money an investment in my mad banking skills and swipe a little off the top to compensate for my time. Haven’t you ever heard that nothing in life is free?
  • Roll the dice when someone gets up to go to the bathroom or refill their beer.
  • Pad your startup cash a little more than the others and don’t organize your money. If you look like a hot mess, then people will think you are a hot mess. “Swiper, no swiping!”
  • I like to develop the orange and red corner because it is the furthest from ‘pass go and collect $200′, therefore, I can make people weep when they land on my properties. I enjoy seeing grown men cry as they try to sweet talk their way out of paying me.
  • Form an alliance against the person you want to lose (Michael) and cut everyone, but him, a deal.
  • Get your opponents hammered so they don’t bring their A-game. <~ My favorite of the tips.

How to win Monopoly- vote for your favorite piece

We have some business to discuss before we get to the giveaway part of this unethical guide of how to win Monopoly.  Monopoly is about to oust one of the classic tokens and they need you to go vote on the token you want to hang around. By vote, I mean go pick the top hat and ring. ;)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a copy of the classic Monopoly board game in order to facilitate my review. All opinioins and pictures are my own.

113 Flares Twitter 98 Facebook 2 Google+ 10 Pin It Share 2 StumbleUpon 1 Email -- Filament.io 113 Flares ×

About the author

Mallery

My name is Mallery and I am a recovering workaholic. I curse like a sailor and am more than a little obsessive. I talk about bowel habits more than I should and I enjoy wine, gaming, and tattoos.

80 comments

3 pings

Skip to comment form

  1. Jillian

    Sadly, I don’t have any :( maybe do a very poor shuffle of the chance cards? I’ll need to start using your ideas!
    Jillian recently posted..The car you’ve been waiting for – Step2 Easy Turn Coupe + GiveawayMy Profile

    [Reply]

  2. Summer Davis

    OMG. I cheat too!!!! I think you’re probably better at it than I am, but now I know how to DO IT!

    Sorry about the hat, I can’t vote for it. My favorite is the thimble. I will, however; vote for the diamond ring. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
    Summer Davis recently posted..Valentine&#8217;s Day Outfits on a BudgetMy Profile

    [Reply]

  3. Summer Davis

    And my best Monopoly tip? Psh. Play your kids. Win every time.
    Summer Davis recently posted..Valentine&#8217;s Day Outfits on a BudgetMy Profile

    [Reply]

  4. Krystal M

    Mine is simply to try to get as many properties as possible! heh

    [Reply]

  5. janet

    Wow, I am so NOT this competitive, probably because I don’t like confrontation. I do; however, think that buying cheap and stacking them with houses and hotels is a good strategy. It will help you win a game a 3am, by lantern light, during a hurricane party!
    janet recently posted..Quick &#038; Healthy Dinner Ideas: Italian Dishes with Mashed Cauliflower {plus dessert!}My Profile

    [Reply]

  6. Sarah Hayes

    I dont really know bc im not good at this game! i guess just know when to buy and when to pass

    [Reply]

  7. Ann Fantom

    Get hotels on your properties as soon as possible

    [Reply]

  8. Cynthia C

    My tip is to buy up all the properties you can.

    [Reply]

  9. Tamar

    Get rich.
    I don’t know, I’m not a good player!

    [Reply]

  10. Kate F.

    Buy the valuable properties when you have a chance.

    [Reply]

  11. Sara Zielinski

    Buy as many properties as you are able to

    [Reply]

  12. kathryn blankenship

    my best Monopoly tip is HAVE FAMILY FUN NIGHT

    [Reply]

  13. Sandy VanHoey

    I always tried buying as much as i could but especially the Park Place and ones where the payout was good. Seems I always landed on the Reading Railway (gosh, been so long but something like that). My brothers and sisters and I played this for so many years and that was many years ago

    [Reply]

  14. MC

    My Monopoly board is coming apart at the seams!

    [Reply]

  15. julie murphy

    Buy as much properties as you can

    [Reply]

  16. Katy P.

    Always be the banker!

    [Reply]

  17. rich morris

    Always be the banker so you “control” the money :)

    [Reply]

  18. Donna L

    I buy as much property in the beginning of the game.

    [Reply]

  19. Sandy

    Just to have fun playing!

    [Reply]

  20. Kathy S

    Buy the red properties. They are landed on the most.

    [Reply]

  21. renee walters

    Buy as many properties as possible.

    [Reply]

  22. Terri Moore

    I buy any property I land on and try to get all the railroads . The key property’s are Board Walk and Park Place. If i get one of those my son is always willing to do some serious trading to get it . Great memories of this game.

    [Reply]

  23. Anastasia

    HAVE FUN! some people get so competitive and angry and that just ruins the game! :)

    [Reply]

  24. KD

    cant say i have any!

    [Reply]

  25. edq143

    dont cheat, save the iron, bring on the ring

    [Reply]

  26. Myrna

    I don’t have any tips, but I like some of yours.

    [Reply]

  27. john

    If i win it will be donated to charity…the game always put me to sleep

    [Reply]

  28. amy deeter

    get as much property as you can

    [Reply]

  29. Jessica To

    I try to buy as many properties as I can and set a time limit on the game!

    [Reply]

  30. Louis

    I am investing in properties every time I can
    Thank you for hosting this giveaway

    Louis
    pumuckler {at} gmail {dot} com

    [Reply]

  31. Linda G.

    Try to buy up as much property as you can right away.

    [Reply]

  32. Shane R.

    Merge with other players when you go broke so that you can keep playing!
    Shane R. recently posted..Grumpy Cat Says Birthdays Are AwfulMy Profile

    [Reply]

    Mallery Reply:

    Smart!

    [Reply]

  33. Nicole Lancaster

    My Monopoly tip if you decide to play Monopoly plan to make a night of it. It takes hours to play.

    [Reply]

    Mallery Reply:

    That’s the truth!

    [Reply]

  34. Amanda Kinder

    Buy the railroads first.

    [Reply]

  35. joni

    Buy buy buy all that you can!! Get the utilities too!

    [Reply]

  36. CAROLETTA

    I don’t really have a tip except to keep playing. It’s just fun-depending on the people you are playing with.

    [Reply]

  37. CAROLETTA

    I don’t have a tip except to keep playing. It’s fun-depending on the people you are playing against.

    [Reply]

  38. Rebecca Peters

    Do not play the way I do.. I always lose

    [Reply]

  39. Carmen

    Buy, buy, buy! Buy everything you can afford. Even if you can’t use it right away, you keep anyone else from buying it. And hope you get lucky with the dice.

    [Reply]

  40. Melanie Montgomery

    Buy lots of properties!

    [Reply]

  41. myxi hu

    Buy as many properties as you are able to

    [Reply]

  42. Valerie Taylor Mabrey

    buy everything
    vmkids3 at msn dot com

    [Reply]

  43. Erica C.

    Buy everything you land on.

    [Reply]

  44. Lori Walker

    Best bet is to get a whole side of the board… we call it the path of death! lol

    [Reply]

    Mallery Reply:

    I like the name!

    [Reply]

  45. Jennifer R

    I read once that Illinois Ave. and B&O Railroad are two of the most landed on properties. I always try to buy them if possible.

    [Reply]

  46. Jessica Rose

    Buy as much property as you can!

    [Reply]

  47. denise

    Always be the banker….

    [Reply]

  48. Kayla

    Buy the first properties you land on!

    [Reply]

  49. Brynn

    buy the pink or orange spaces! They are the most landed on!

    [Reply]

  50. Michelle Tucker

    Start buying as early as you can. Well at least this strategy works well for my brother in law.

    [Reply]

  1. Classic Monopoly Game Giveaway - Giveaway Promote

    [...] Ending on: 02/10/2013 Open to: United States Enter this Giveaway at Horrible Housewife [...]

  2. Frugal Experiments From Around The Web - Weekly Round-up 2/9/2013 - Frugal Experiments

    [...] Kindle Fire 8 GB – Ends 2/10/2013 US Classic Monopoly Game Ends 2/10 US 2 Cans Progresso Soup, etc. Ends 2/10 US flattenme Personalized Wall Art Review and Giveaway Ends [...]

  3. Adults Only JENGA... No Kids Allowed - Horrible Housewife | Horrible Housewife

    [...] like you are about to shake the table during my turn! Cut you! And you thought the way I played Monopoly was [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge