Wine with Mallery IS BACK with a special happy birthday to a not so special Jillian Warner! Or vise versa? Who knows.
This is what I do know about the birthday girl’s video:
- My teeth are purple.
- I’m blitzed.
- I sing to the birthday girl.
- You shouldn’t watch it unless you want to laugh your ba donk a donk off.
- I say my kid likes men in the same sentence I talked about his arranged marriage. #momfail
- I slept on the floor afterwards.
- Jillian Warner is a terrible influence on my life.
This quote makes more sense now that you have watched my special video for the not so special Jillian Warner…
So you mean to tell me you weren’t brave enough to watch that video? You are missing out because I just might be the insane one out of my friends. Or maybe Jillian Warner is the insane one and I am a sucker for peer pressure? Perhaps it’s a little of both.
Would you like some golden nuggets from the video? I figured you would rather have the golden nuggets instead of the dingleberries!
- Jillian asked me for help on her SoFab application and I was a major meanie face. (She got in and became amaze-balls at her job! Not to mention, she hit a bigger goal that I TOLD HER she would hit. You can call me Madame Fortune Teller and pay me in wine.)
- Her household is always sick! No joke. Despite wearing protection, I get a viral STD each time I visit her family friendly site. It’s a good thing her goodies are worth the intense burning sensation.
- Her husband is one of my people. We would be drinking boxed wine in the back alley if he didn’t live so far away, and get sick all of the time. I don’t do sick people. It makes me wonder if she is a SARS carrier, or something, because they get sick ALL of the time.
- She is such a lady! This one is easy to explain- She spends all of her money at J.Crew and I spend all of my money at Victoria’s Secret. Hasn’t she ever listened to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun? I bet my boxed wine bud agrees with me.
- Our kids are getting married so they will send us to the same old folks home. I think we should make a blogger friendly home so we all end up there. I don’t want to rot away without having any fun. Who else am I going to talk to about my epic funeral plans? Seriously, my funeral is going to be so much fun because I don’t do emotions.
Happy birthday to the not-in-her-twenties Jillian Warner! Just you wait until you open your present on Saturday! I sort of DEMAND a video of you opening up your birthday present! (That was high maintenance Mallery speaking to Jillian Warner.) Do it because I make you feel things in special places.
2011 La Granja 360 Tempranillo Garnacha
This is another $5 bottle of wine from Trader Joe’s that doesn’t remind you of drain cleaner.I have to be honest and say that I only bought the zebra bottle because the bottle with a pig on it was a decent bottle of wine. This Tempranillo Garnacha has a deep black cherry color with hints of cherry and raspberry flavors. It went down smooth with a little bit of spicy earth on the nose. I’m not sure if I would buy it again for the zebra or for the taste. Hmm… decisions, decisions.
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Amy
March 11, 2013 at 12:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I love Jillian more than you. Just so you know.
Amy recently posted..My Week In {First World Problems}
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Christy
March 11, 2013 at 12:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What the hell was in that bottle of wine? LOL…this one cracked me up! And happy not-in-her-twenties birthday to Jillian!
Christy recently posted..Galveston Daily News: The Architecture Remains
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Tree
March 11, 2013 at 1:54 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I love the idea of a blogger friendly retirement home! lmao I wanna go there too.
Tree recently posted..Kellogg’s “Share Breakfast” Initiative to Fight Childhood Hunger #ShareBreakfast
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Jeannette
March 11, 2013 at 2:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Such a cute a funny post! And I’m picking me up some of that wine the next time I’m at Trader Joe’s!
Jeannette recently posted..Let’s Talk Food at the Walgreens #SnackMadness Twitter Party! RSVP Today! #cbias
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Chrissy
March 11, 2013 at 2:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So cute!! Did you say organic matter from your juices? LOL! Love it!
Chrissy recently posted..Why I #LoveSoFab and want to attend #SoFabCon #Cbias (with video)
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Danielle
March 11, 2013 at 2:39 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Happy Birthday Jillian! You’re one awesome lady and I love that we’ve been brought together by the blogging world even though you live in my back yard
Have a few glasses tonight!
Danielle recently posted..Yo Gabba Gabba Live Get the Sillies Out Tour Review
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Jillian
March 11, 2013 at 2:56 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey this was a fun and a good read. Anything with wine is a good thing. Infact I will have one in celebration too
Jillian recently posted..Need and Break from the Weekend
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Melissa Rheinlander
March 11, 2013 at 3:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LMAO!! You are too funny!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jillian
Melissa Rheinlander recently posted..Sunday Showcase #Giveaway Linky {3/10}
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mel
March 11, 2013 at 5:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
LMAO!!!!! So funny! Love Jillian!!!!!
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Amiyrah
March 11, 2013 at 5:15 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You Ma’am, are a hot mess. And I like it.
Amiyrah recently posted..A Date Night with my Boy
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Kacy
March 11, 2013 at 6:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That was the sexiest Marilyn Monroe happy birthday song ever
Especially the hair poofing in the middle of it 
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Kacy
March 11, 2013 at 6:49 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh, And that you grew Jillian into a beautiful blogger by using not Miracle Grow, but organic food. Bahahaha!!
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Kelly Stilwell
March 13, 2013 at 12:33 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You are one crazy chicka. That is all I can say.
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Mallery Reply:
March 13th, 2013 at 2:06 am
I told you SoFabCon is going to be amazing!
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Michelle
March 13, 2013 at 12:54 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And the best vlogger award goes too Mallery. I love your vids girl, I only wish I could witness your hilarious self in the flesh.
Happy Birthday Jillian!!
Michelle recently posted..Staples: Shed, Shred and Get Ahead
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Mallery Reply:
March 13th, 2013 at 2:06 am
LMAO! Are you going to SoFabCon or BlogHer?
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Maria
March 13, 2013 at 6:27 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
FUNNY!! Who would have thought $5.00 would give someone so much fun!!
Maria recently posted..Chicken Update: The “DixieChicks” Are 3 Weeks Old
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Kathleen Kennedy-Leon
March 13, 2013 at 11:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
in a word–wow–glad you are having a good time
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon recently posted..geraldine kennedy commented on the post, Taking a Polar Plunge
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Summer Davis
March 18, 2013 at 12:24 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m SO sad that it took me so long to watch this. And I thought I was drunk until i sat and watched all 15 minutes, then realized I’m currently nowhere near as drunk as you are in this video.
*AHEM* I will be 32 in July and I want a video. With purple teeth.
Are you sure there wasn’t more than wine in that bottle?
Summer Davis recently posted..The Adventures of Pear Summer at Brandcation
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Tammy @inRdream
April 12, 2013 at 8:37 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Have to get me some of that wine! LOL
Tammy @inRdream recently posted..Kristy from @littleecofoot Spills it… Q & A #IRDfeature
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Nickida
April 12, 2013 at 10:47 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
This has got to be the funniest I’ve seen from you yet, however your videos are all usually funny.
Nickida recently posted..The Happiest Baby Guide To Great Sleep
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Kathleen Kennedy-Leon
April 12, 2013 at 5:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
you have the funniest videos–thanks for always giving me a chuckle
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon recently posted..lynda commented on the post, Sweet Sixteen Italian Style
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