Let’s talk bathroom etiquette for a minute… You’re sitting with your friends and all of a sudden, the putrid smell of rotten eggs starts to burn your nostrils. Oh my goodness, who did that? Do you just ignore it to save the stinky culprit from embarrassment, or point out the foul smelling elephant in the room? You point it out, of course, unless you are a new couple! You knew that would be my 12 year old boy answer! Will I ever grow up? Probably not, but I digress…
I will never understand why ladies pretend their ‘toots’ don’t stink and heaven forbid, they don’t poop with their mate in the house until there is a ring on their finger. That is, unless you are dating me! Bathroom etiquette has never been something we followed right from the beginning of our courtship. I still remember one of the first nights we spent together. A girl dreams about how romantic it is to spoon with their mate and fall asleep in their arms. *Insert girly squee here* Until they are spooning and have to fart. You bet your so fresh, so clean tush I ripped one in bed that night.
Did you catch that? I farted ON my boyfriend… while spooning! Yep, I farted in bed. I farted on him and he didn’t break up with me. I can only imagine what was going through his head at that moment. Did she just? Did I hear that right? I think she just farted on me. I think I’m going to marry this girl!
Ladies, if you want a future with a man you need to let it loose in bed! Farts, I’m talking about farts, people!
Michael joins me for a vlog on bathroom etiquette
- Like this one time he waddled, pants around his ankles, to the basement for Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper. Only to find out there was toilet paper under the sink.
- Another time he brought me some off brand toilet paper because our upstairs bathroom was all out and didn’t understand why I flipped out and made him go back to get Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper. You do NOT bring me off brand toilet paper!
- Or how about the mac daddy of bathroom etiquette arguments? He grew up putting the toilet paper on UNDER. **Pause** Everyone knows the roll goes over, not under! Hmpf!
It took some serious bathroom etiquette grooming before I was happy with him. For better or worse shouldn’t apply to poor bathroom etiquette but I felt he was worth it. I mean, he didn’t run away when I farted on him. Is it possible to be too frank with you guys? (I ask as we are nearing the end of this article.) Not if it could possibly save you from having a cotton tail down the road! Here is a real life public service announcement, dingleberries are not sexy and cotton tails are downright embarrassing! Always, always check before getting cozy! Cottonelle flushable moist wipes will save you from any unwanted stranglers when the moment strikes. Trust me.
I have good news for all of the ladies who are dying to run out to Walmart right now. When I was shopping at Walmart I noticed a coupon for buy a 24 pack of Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper and get a FREE Fresh Care dispenser! Jackpot!
And if my bathroom etiquette video wasn’t enough true story for you, check out “The Talk” segment that aired on June 28 on CBS at 1pm CST. You can never have too many laughs in one day!