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Aug 07

Do Your Boobs Hang Low?

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Horrible Housewife Disclosure Statement for snacking healthier with non gmo popcorn from Jolly Time

Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie ‘em in a knot?
Can you tie ‘em in a bow?
Can you throw them o’er your shoulder- like a continental soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?

So, yeah, I am talking about postpartum breasts again because they are one of my obsessions things. I even have a countdown calendar for my boob job because postpartum breasts are such a thing to me (9 years to go)! That isn’t obsessive is it? Nah!

It wouldn’t be so bad if I could go in to get fitted without them disagreeing with me and telling me I’m a B. They lie! Liars! Women who look like men when they wear sports bras are NOT a B. I have this gap baloney when I wear a B that makes me want to shove Michael’s dirty, dirty tube socks in my bra! And trust me, his tube socks are gagarific! Blarch!

Do your boobs hang low JOCKEY bra fit kit #JOCKEYbra

Do your breasts still sag?
Do they droop despite the pad?
Do they ever fill the cup?
Do they ever fit the band?
Can you wave ‘em at your neighbor- for a quick and easy favor?
Do your breasts still sag?

Jockey Volumetric Fit Bras

I can hear you saying to the screen, “what the Sam is a Jockey Volumetric Fit Bra?” Ladies, it is your ticket to a bra fitting based on the volume of your breasts, not the measurements. Let me explain how you can get your hands on one of these bad devils:

  1. Go to Jockey’s website.
  2. Order a $20 Jockey® Fit Kit.
  3. Measure your goodies by filling the cup and measuring around your rib cage.
  4. Get a $20 credit, making your first bra $40.

It is easy and makes a world of sense, especially if your boobs hang low or are only half full like mine. Sigh…

Do your boobs hang low in a normal bra #JOCKEYbra

Do your boobs hang low music video

Don’t worry your pretty little heads, your Jockey® Fit Kit and bra video will come in my follow up post. I was feeling a little puffy and refused to publish a post about a bra without injecting some sort of humor, hence ‘do your boobs hang low’. Enjoy. Have a laugh. You are welcome!

 

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About the author

Mallery

My name is Mallery and I am a recovering workaholic. I curse like a sailor. I'm a mix of obsessive and awkward. I talk about bowel habits more than I should and I enjoy wine, gaming, and tattoos.

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  1. TONIA L. CLARK

    Girl you are the goofiest Vlogger I have EVER met! I love you! Oh my goodness if my kids weren’t sleeping I’d be laughing my head off right now! That song has me in stitches!
    Honestly though I love the idea of a custom fit bra, brilliant!
    TONIA L. CLARK recently posted..❀Tonia’s Techie Tuesday Tips: Fun With Facebook Search!❀My Profile

    [Reply]

  2. LaVonne

    Mallery, this is my new favorite video from you :) Yes, I my boobs hang low too. Ha!
    LaVonne recently posted..5 Free Printable Lunchbox Notes and Food IdeasMy Profile

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  3. Melissa Lawler

    That. Was. AWESOME!
    Melissa Lawler recently posted..My Journey with Home Health CareMy Profile

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  4. Chrysa

    LOOOOOVE your video! Beyond awesome.
    Chrysa recently posted..Get $20 Off a $75 Vera Bradley Purchase through 8/8!My Profile

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  5. Amy

    I’m wearing my Jockey Bra now. And I already ordered another one. And I will order more. BEST. BRA. EVER.
    Amy recently posted..One Month As A VegetarianMy Profile

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  6. mel

    Gosh… I just love you!!!! THe video was awesome and I agree, love this bra!
    mel recently posted..CaringBridge Hope Conquers All!My Profile

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  7. Libby's Library

    OMGosh – I just laughed so hard that I snorted and almost wet my pants!
    Libby’s Library recently posted..Pouchee Plus: Organizer & Purse in One – GiveawayMy Profile

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  8. Pam

    Mallery, you crack me up. And unfortunately, yes!

    [Reply]

  9. Kristyn

    oh i love the idea of these! need to try out one for myself :)
    Kristyn recently posted..Look Book :: My New Everyday Look with It CosmeticsMy Profile

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  10. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell

    You’re insane in a good way! Now I know what to do with that kit!
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..Slow-Cooked Beans ‘n Weenies #99SummerDays #HebrewNationalMy Profile

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  11. Adelina Priddis

    you seriously crack me up. Can’t wait for the follow up ;)
    Adelina Priddis recently posted..Downsizing: 2600 sq feet to 1300 sq feetMy Profile

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  12. Aly Mashrah

    I actually watched this when you uploaded it and I was laughing so hard. My boobs do hang low unfortunately :'( Can’t wait to read your follow-up post!
    Aly Mashrah recently posted..Why I love my Origami Owl Necklace + Giveaway!My Profile

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  13. Miranda Sherman

    I am lterally about to go to bed, who knows what kind of dreams I am about to have now! Thanks for the giggle
    Miranda Sherman recently posted..A Community United for Anthony KuzniaMy Profile

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  14. Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens

    Your posts ALWAYS put a smile on my face!
    Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens recently posted..Freezer Pancakes TutorialMy Profile

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  15. NYCSingleMom

    hilarious, i never went through this problem since I adopted but can I still try them because age is killing my boobs now
    NYCSingleMom recently posted..Back to School Boho Chic from Children’s Place – Fashion Friday @ChildrensPlaceMy Profile

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  16. Anne Younger

    My boobs hang soooooo low but I’m working on popping out baby #5.
    Love this post!
    Anne Younger recently posted..Having A Little FunMy Profile

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  17. Shannon (The Mommy-Files)

    Oh my gosh – that is too dang funny! LOL
    Shannon (The Mommy-Files) recently posted..Colgate Total Advanced Pro-Shield MouthwashMy Profile

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  18. Emily @FamilyNLifeLV

    That has got to be the best video review I have seen in a LONG time!! Thank you for the laugh!!
    Emily @FamilyNLifeLV recently posted..Britax Frontier 90 Review | Harness 2 Booster Car SeatMy Profile

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  19. Jeannette

    First, you always make me laugh! You are so funny! Second, I totally need to check out these bras after two babies!
    Jeannette recently posted..Getting Our Fabulous, Final Back to School Look with Target #KidsGotStyleMy Profile

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  20. Ghada

    Good laugh to end the day! Look forward to seeing what you think of the actual fit kit.
    Ghada recently posted..How to Get out of a Running Rut #ReebokMomMy Profile

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  21. Rita O'Neal

    I have been wanting to try one of these fitting kits. I have a heck of a time finding a good fitting bra for my boobs. I have three kids and they aren’t what they used to be for sure. I’ll have to check out your next post. Thanks.
    Rita O’Neal recently posted..How to Save Money with Back to School Deals on Coupons.com + $150 GiveawayMy Profile

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  22. christy karch

    omg that is the funniest post :) I saw it listed and said what?????????? I have to admit I do not see much of a difference in my breast size from before or after I had kids..I had a lumpectomy so for me they dont hang and a B cup is exaggerated

    [Reply]

  23. Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens

    I actually found myself singing this version this morning … hahaha … Too funny!
    Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens recently posted..I See Me! Back-to-School Lunch Box ReviewMy Profile

    [Reply]

  1. Bring on the Boob Fetish! | Horrible Housewife

    […] out the ‘do your boobs hang low‘ soundtrack and cue the boob fetish music because I’m ready for my closeup! I’m […]

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