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Dec 06

8 Pregnancy Facts {Advent Calendar Day 5}

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2013 Wine advent calendar - pregnancy facts #winewithmallery

Pregnancy facts are my inspiration for day 5 of the advent calendar! Weird? You betcha. Relevant? Absolutely! Michael has been acting a fool lately and I have no farking idea why.

A toddler that won’t sleep boils down to no showers. No showers means I’m a greasy monkey. Being a greasy monkey means I can’t curl my hair without looking like a ragamuffin, soooo I have Superman underoos on my head.

That totally makes sense in my head.

8 Pregnancy facts video

D’Aquino¬†Pinot Grigio Delle Venezie

This Pinot Grigio is delicious AND under $5 at Trader Joe’s! It isn’t an incredibly memorable wine if you are looking for aromas, but it’s an easy drinker. I appreciate a dry white over a sweet white any day because sweet wines make my teeth fuzzy and we all know how I feel about that.

8 Pregnancy facts that will leave you wishing you had Superman underwear on your head #winewithmallery

8 Pregnancy Facts

I know everyone won’t watch the video and I wanted to elaborate on the castor oil mention.

  1. We wanted to get pregnant the first time I ovulated after we were married… and we did.
  2. A waitress touched my belly during my birthday dinner.
  3. I experienced a true ‘coming out of both ends’ during my first trimester. (Read: shit and vomit.)
  4. I don’t really want anymore kids but I’m compromising on the overall number to keep Michael happy.
  5. I hate people who can’t accept the fact that we don’t want to find out the sex of the baby.
  6. I sent Michael to the store for a pregnancy test and he failed, forcing me to wait until the next morning.
  7. I used pregnancy to wean myself off of the prescriptions I was taking for my Multiple Sclerosis.
  8. I used castor oil… and it worked!
    1. I took 2 ounces at 1pm on 7/18/11 and Michael was born at 6:19pm on 7/19/11. Please note- I was 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant, my vagina was the size of The Grand Canyon at 80% effaced/3cm, and I was contracting on a regular basis.

Toddler are adorable but you need to be aware of these 8 pregnancy facts first #winewithmallery

Castor oil tips and tricks from pregnant women

  1. Try a hot shower to get the blood flowin’ through your system quicker.
  2. Plan on being active: walking, squatting, walking stairs etc.
  3. Staying hydrated is muy importante because you are going to shit your brains out if you take the full dose.
  4. Use baby wipes because you will wipe yourself raw.
  5. The toilet is your best friend- stay close or suffer the consequences.
  6. Take it in the morning to hopefully prevent any… ahem… accidents in the middle of the night.

Note- This is content from my unpublished post on castor oil so… I assure you, I followed a million and a half forum threads on this topic. Use at your own risk. <~ I felt like I needed to say that because people be crazy.

 

 

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About the author

Mallery

My name is Mallery and I am a recovering workaholic. I curse like a sailor. I'm a mix of obsessive and awkward. I talk about bowel habits more than I should and I enjoy wine, gaming, and tattoos.

1 comment

  1. Kelly @ Texas Type A Mom

    Strangers touching the belly is a serious no-no. Most of the time in public I’d try to position myself so people couldn’t and I still got a few random gropes.

    I want to know the conception story!
    Kelly @ Texas Type A Mom recently posted..Tips for Making Learning Fun with M&M’s #FueledbyMM #shop #cbiasMy Profile

    [Reply]

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