The Day I Became One of Them

I will never forget the day I became ‘one of them’. I ran into the gas station on the way to a birthday party to buy a couple overpriced green juices because I didn’t get a chance to juice that morning. I sucked up the out of line price tag because I refused to get stuck with the temptation of sugary sodas surrounding me. I am strong. I will triumph over my sugary desires.

My heart beamed proud rays of “that’s my kid” as Michael ran around snatching vegetables from the food trays and annihilating pizza, all while drinking his green juice. (Pizza is included in our 20% allowance.)

Then I helped cut the cake.

It was a cake any child would love to have at their party. Heck, daddy Michael turned into a 4 year old when he saw a cake full of things we don’t have in our house. I admit I died a little inside when I realized this was the only dessert option. I thought to myself, “I should eat an all white piece because the others are chock full of food dye.”

It was at that very moment I became ‘one of them’.

I am slowly winning over my family with tasty Paleo cookies, daily juicing, and gluten free splurges. You see, I am okay with slow and steady if it means I win the overall lifestyle race. With that said, I need to admit my secret weapon that rivals ice cream. I’m not even joking, guys! Chunks O’ Fruti® makes 100% natural fruit bars that have become a staple in my household. Honest to goodness… they have replaced any trace of ice cream in our freezer.

I have found something in Fruti I never thought I would, unless I payed out the rear like I do for my Paleo ingredients. These fruit bars don’t have any additional colors or flavors because REAL fruit is the first, and main, ingredient AKA no high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Give it up for all natural food where the fruit & water-based bars are verified by the Non-GMO Project! *Insert round of applause*

Guess what, I didn’t have to trek down to Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods to purchase our Fruti bars! Kudos to Sam’s Club for trying to offer better options for families with different food requirements. The box is even separated into smaller ones so we can shove them in between all of our frozen chicken.

And now my journey for more delectable finds to share with my oh-so-skeptical family continues.

Although I am a member of the Collective Bias®  Social Fabric® Community, I was NOT compensated (or asked) to write a post about Chunks O’ Fruti®. I wanted to share my born again eating habits with you so you could be just as shocked as I was.

The post The Day I Became One of Them appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

It’s true.

Emotions are evil and weakness… well… weakness isn’t in my vocabulary.

Watching someone slowly pass away is really interesting. Maybe interesting is the wrong word, but that is all I can think of right now. The past few days have taught me patience, what is important, and what an amazing family I am a part of. Great Grandma Sarah Andrews should be proud of what she created and she should be proud to pass the title of matriarch off to Granny.

Family doesn’t care if you smell and have dark circles

Right now, as I look around the room I see a combination of tears and dark circles sprinkled with strength. I see a family united around one common goal… to see grandma move on. We stay up as a group; we eat as a group; we say goodbye as a group; and we gather around her bed as a group. Witnessing what my family is capable of makes me so proud to say I am one of them.

But back to the interesting part of this whole experience.

All I can say is if you don’t have a faith… you need to witness someone with a strong faith as they finish their journey. #thatisall

You learn a lot about yourself in tough times

Here is my poor attempt at being entertaining during this oh-so-not-funny post.

I have been drinking coffee… lots and lots of coffee. Starbucks’ delicious caramel frappuccino is my newest best friend, much to my weight loss and wallet’s chagrin. Although, I have been drinking it black with 3 teaspoons of sugar and peeing my brains out, OY!

See, that paragraph is me being emotionally awkward and not very funny.

Ps: I have rewritten this post a million times because nothing sounds right to me. It probably doesn’t make sense to you, and it probably has the worst grammar in the word, but it depicts just how jumbled life is right now.  This too will pass and I will return to my picture taking, booty shaking blogger self.

I kid.

I can’t shake my booty to save my life.

The post I Am Emotionally Awkward appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

“I am a member of the Collective Bias®  Social Fabric® Community.  This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias®  and Sears #cbias #SocialFabric #ThisisStyle”

That right there is the face of a socialite, even if I only get my big break on my blog and YouTube. One day my empire will make me famous for more than just my 2012 Advent calendar!

My closet seems to think it is Kardashian worthy

NOW do you believe I am a wannabe socialite? I bought the majority of those clothes in a matter of weeks and I keep shopping despite my lack of room in BOTH of my closets. All I do is shop. All I think about is the next thing I need to shop for, like beach wear. Is there new clearance to check out? How many bathing suits do I need this season? What about sandals? I need sandals in every color to complete my Sears fashion obsession. I mean, I have sneakers in every color so it only makes sense, right? (That is just a little dose of the very random fashion thoughts that go through my head. You don’t want to know what else goes on in this brain!)

Helllpp meee…. I am spiraling out-of-control and I love it!

I found everything I needed and then some when I went to Sears… the most recent time. No, I’m not talking about the online shopping I did two days ago, this was last weekend because I wanted a specific bathing suit to round out my current array of suits. I wanted something sexy, something I wouldn’t wear to aqua baby class. I needed a bathing suit that people would never guess I bought at Sears and absolutely screamed MALLERY.

I was on a shopping mission and I am dangerous when I am armed with my Shop Your Way Rewards points. Down right dangerous. Thankfully I had just emptied my account on a different shopping spree or I would have purchased my second choice suit the same day! Have I mentioned I have a Sears style problem yet?

Do you know how I know I am a Kardashian sister?

BOOM! And now you know.

The post I’ve Got That Kardashian Swagger appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

I drank Bud Light!

Did you see that? That was a Bud Light on my lips! ON MY LIPS! Bud Light was IN MY MOUTH! This is a huge deal because I don’t lower my standards for just anyone. I love you, Christy, have my babies. Seriously. My uterus doesn’t want to birth another human being for a long, long time. Not to mention, your rack won’t experience the pregnancy damage that mine would.

You are crazy for thinking you are officially old. You have the mentality of a 20 year old and you are friends with me. You know I don’t hang out with ‘old people’. ‘Old people’ aren’t fun and you, my dear, are a flipping hoot! Case in point- you prefer Pullups and Bud Light to my Poise and wine. Wait a minute… does that make me the old broad? That wasn’t the point I was trying to make!

Christy’s birthday poem

Here’s to the nesticles we grow and the laughs we can’t control; the shops we stalk and the late night talks. Here’s to the welcomed distractions and our differences in fashion; dowin‘ the beers and spillin‘ our fears… I’m happy to say I’m not going anywhere, my dear.

Note to my bestest friends: I need your birthdays in advance so I can get drunk in your birthday video and have it posted ON your birthday, not a few hours late. And don’t you dare tell me I should automatically know these things! I can barely remember the last time I took a shower!

The post Pink Bud Light Birthday Game appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

Search for Good Cook Touch Codes on these participating products.

• SPREADER SPATULA 
• STRAINER 8″
• MEAT TENDERIZER
• STAINLESS STEEL WHISK, 9”
• CHEF KNIFE, 8″
• NATURAL PASTRY BRUSH
• MEAT THERMOMETER, NSF
• CHEESE SLICER, ADJUSTABLE
• SANTOKU KNIFE, 7″
• TONGS, NYLON LOCKING 12″
• BATTER BOWL, 2QT
• NYLON SLOTTED SPOON 
• Egg Slicer & Chopper
• Kitchen Shears with Herb Stripper

You can also visit the other bloggers to find more treasure hunt codes.

Ps: You can get 10% off with promo code: HUNT, in addition to the instant 30% savings that comes with Touch products.

Here is another Good Cook kitchen utensil giveaway! Aren’t you loving all of these big girl tools? I sure am!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received kitchen utensils in exchange for my promotion of this contest. All opinions are my own.

The post Let the Treasure Hunt Begin! appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

Who doesn’t spend their Saturdays knee deep in a Star Wars photo shoot? You can’t possibly be surprised we nerded out this hardcore after my Star Wars manicures yesterday. Scratch that. You can’t possibly be surprised at ANYTHING I say or do anymore. You guys have officially crossed over to the real life friends category and that means I can bring up my bowel movements whenever I want to. It also means I can bring up my favorite topic in the whole wide world, you know, that one topic about that one thing. It starts with sssss and ends with an ex.

Rachael is now the proud owner of this fancy Princess Leia costume because I am the bestest sister ever! It was as if the stars aligned and the angels started singing when she stepped into her costume. You could see her slip away as she dreamed of the lightsaber she was whooping on Darth Vader with. (Or some other bad guy.) Well… until we realized she was wearing black panties.

Star Wars photo shoot

It’s too bad Michael was napping because his Yoda costume would have been gag me cute with Leah’s outfit. Don’t these kids have the coolest parents in town? How did they get this lucky? There are things I don’t miss about the infant stage: sleepless nights, constant feedings, and photo shoots. I think I might have my kid trained to the point of getting the shot for a food reward.

I feel like Bunny Yoda needs to make an appearance in every post now…

My biggest tip for a kickass photo shoot is to get a good costume so you can play without people thinking you need to be admitted. You can’t sit here and tell me big kids don’t like to play dress up because I’m pretty sure that is how Comic-Con was born.

I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

The post Star Wars Photo Shoot appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

“But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…” Star Wars: Episode V 

You guys know I throw a mean party where I stress over every-single-detail, like ermahgerd, that chick needs a chill pill! This time I didn’t want my spread to compete with the awesomeness that would come from my Star Wars nail art. Would you believe me if I said I bought ‘normal people’ party food using my Balance Rewards card at Walgreens? Surprise, surprise… everyone was pleased with the food and I wasn’t stressed out.

The Star Wars party was so off the hook that Yoda shared his legendary wisdom and graciously autographed our Star Wars cups! WOOT!

I went a little overboard in my party shopping…

I worked my nail art magic while my guests got their grub on and talked nerd things like super hero birthday parties and BBC shows. All you have to do is wrap your head around everything nerdy with a splash of wine and you have our nail art party. Are you sitting at home reading this and wondering when I became qualified to talk about girl things? Let’s just say things are changing around here, dudes! This Star Wars nail art was so stinkin’ easy to create because Sally Hansen has all of these nifty tools for awkward girls like myself. It’s like they created these things with me in mind!

Star Wars nail art with Sally Hansen

Lightsaber nail art tools

• Tape
• Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear (16 blue lt)
• Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear (370 black out)
• Sally Hansen Insta-Dry (110 clearly quick)
• Sally Hansen Nail Art Pen in silver
• Sally Hansen Nail Art Pen in black

Watch the lightsaber nail art video for the full tutorial.

R2D2 nail art tools

• Tape
• Sally Hansen Salon Insta-Gel Strips Gel Nail Color Strips in Hi Ho Silver or Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear (220 celeb city)
• Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear (16 blue lt)
• Sally Hansen Insta-Dry (110 clearly quick)

Watch the R2D2 nail art video for the full tutorial.

Stormtrooper nail art tools

• Sally Hansen Nail Art Pen in black
• Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear (300 white on)
• Sally Hansen Insta-Dry (110 clearly quick)

Watch the stormtrooper nail art video for the full tutorial.

Yoda nail art tools

• Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear (370 black out)
• Sally Hansen Insta-Dry (450 lickety-split lime)
• Sally Hansen Insta-Dry (110 clearly quick)
• Sally Hansen Nail Art Pen in chartreuse
• Tape
• Gems

Watch the Yoda nail art video for the full tutorial.

Make sure you check out Walgreens by 4/27/13 because Insta Gel Starter Kits are $19.99 and will help you think outside the block!

“I am a member of the Collective Bias®  Social Fabric® Community. This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias®  and COTY #cbias #SocialFabric #IHeartMyNailArt”

The post Star Wars Nail Art Party appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

I know I’m a sucker for peer pressure, but this was a different kind of peer pressure. I went to my neurologist and told him about my recent green juice adventure, as well as, my journey to become a Paleo household. He knows how much I want this Paleo diet to heal my body. It NEEDS to work. I am demanding it to get better. My Multiple Sclerosis HAS to calm down. I am on a mission to break it down on the dance floor soon. I want to act a fool with my cronies.
He was shocked at the amount of changes I had made and realized how serious I was about getting the beast that is Multiple Sclerosis under control. So he made a recommendation I hadn’t thought of yet. He said, “You should drink green tea.” As I sat there and processed his recommendation I thought about tea for the first time in a very long time. And then I realized, I would drink the water from the toilet tank if he told me it would make the lesions heal. I would do anything to ride a bike, stretch my legs, or finish my MS walk without developing drop foot.

And this is where it gets dicey. Do you realize how many brands of tea there are at the grocery store? Do I pick the cheapest? Do I go with the pretty packaging? Do I buy what the shopper next to me is grabbing? Those are things I would have pondered had I not already been influenced by my online family. No, for me it was a different shopping experience. I walked into the aisle, scanned for Bigelow and in the cart it went! Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Green tea has to help

That my friend is how Bigelow Tea will help influence the post I write for you about how exactly I healed reduced my symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. It will happen… mark my words, it will happen.

This was written as an entry to win a trip to Bigelow Tea’s Charleston, SC Tea Garden! I don’t need to explain that these are my own opinions. These are my own experiences with MS. And you bet your bottom these are my own pictures.

The post My Mission to Break it Down on the Dance Floor appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

Why I Fail at Being a Girl

• I pick my toenails while I work late at night. My toenail picking is WAY worse on nights that I have a large deadline looming over my head. Don’t judge. My weird toenail picking is about the same as you chewing your fingernails off.
• I don’t own those toe grooming tools. I’m talking about that buffer thing and that other thing for cuticles, although, I do keep a nail file in my desk drawer.
• I let the nail polish naturally chip off instead of using nail polish remover before I repaint them. This means my toes really start to look janky towards the end of each polish application. (Amy is going to kill me for admitting that!)

You have NO IDEA how much of an improvement this picture is compared to what I was working with before my SoFabCon mission! Do you remember putting socks on your kid’s hands to keep them from scratching themselves or sucking their thumb? I do that to my feet to keep me from peeling my toenails off! I suck so hard at this girl thing.

In my defense, Michael stopped my daily foot rubs causing my piggies to get really dry. Pffftt! That means I have to sit at the computer working with my right hand while rubbing Carmex Healing Cream into my feet with my left hand… before putting my socks back on. I’m doing it right now! I swear I’m trying to have pretty feet before I crawl in bed with a blogger friend.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I received a bottle of Carmex Healing Cream and Carmex Healing Lotion for being a member of the Carmex Blog Squad. All opinions and pictures are my own.

The post I Fail at Being a Girl {Pedicure Edition} appeared first on Horrible Housewife.

I stumbled into my mission with my steamer, pans, cutting board, knife, spoon(s), strainer, ice cube trays, ziploc bags, plastic wrap, and my blender. Making baby food recipes wasn’t a walk in the park. I did it because it was cheaper than buying store bought baby food and made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I’m all about the warm and fuzziness when it comes to my kid. Except, it was a lot of work to make baby food and my blender died in the middle of a batch. Baby food was messy BEFORE I fed it to Michael. All I could think about as I stood in my kitchen chopping, straining, and scooping was the sleep I could be catching up on. Wahhhh!

How to make baby food recipes the easy way

Buy a Freshfoods Cook-n-Blend Baby Food Maker if you are even considering making baby food recipes! Go. Run. What are you waiting for? I’m not even kidding about needing this shiny new toy. Put it on your Christmas list if you don’t want to buy it yourself because it’s breathtaking.

Here’s the secret to making people think you are the best mommy EVAR!

• Fill it with water.
• Chop your vegetables.
• Put said vegetables in the basket and secure the lid.
• Push the button.
• Go brush your teeth. Or maybe a shower. Heck, you could enjoy a glass of wine while it steams.

Soooo… how was that wine? Now don’t you worry your pretty little head about nursing junior when he wakes up. That one glass of wine isn’t going to get your baby boobie milk drunk.

• After the timer turns off let your vegetables cool for a few minutes.
• Pull the basket out with the thingamajig that came in the box.
• You can keep or dump the water depending on the consistency you desire.
• And for the big finish… let it blend for 10 seconds and viola! You have baby food!

Ermahgerd she is such a good mommy! I can’t believe she has the time to make her own baby food! How does she do it all and still look relaxed? And to that you will tell them about your wine and shiny toy secret. Or keep it to yourself to maintain your facade.

Oh hey, don’t forget to request this $20 coupon before you run to the store to buy your own Freshfoods Cook-n-Blend Baby Food Maker.

I received this product for free from the sponsor of the Moms MeetSM program, May Media Group LLC, who received it directly from the manufacturer. As a Moms MeetSM blogger, I agreed to use this product and post my opinions on my blog. My opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of May Media Group LLC or the manufacturer of the product.

The post Baby Food Recipes Made Easy appeared first on Horrible Housewife.