Apr 24

MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron Party

This MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron Party has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #AvengersUnite #CollectiveBias

Party ideas for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
I know I’m not the only fangirl to park my derriere in front of the boob tube before a new movie hits the big screen. It’s what you do. Not to mention, studying is fun when your subjects are Robert Downey Jr and Chris Hemsworth. SO much better than something useful like Algebra.

Since I throw some sort of party, for every reason under the sun, I am going to show you how to do a movie marathon party for MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron the bomb dot com way. Ready?

Captain America cupcakes for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron party #AvengersUnite #Ad
Start by making fun cupcakes. Emphasis on fun. Extra fun cupcakes are the key to getting people to look past their bikini body blunder and they strengthen your party theme.

Note: Check out my Thor hammer cupcake tutorial and this Captain America cupcake tutorial.

Hulk Smashed Potatoes for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
Now it’s time to get clever with my secret weapon- a rhyming dictionary!

I started with Hulk smashed potatoes because… genius.

And, in an effort to keep my focal point tidy and free of clutter, I only set out portioned food for the tiny party guests. The majority of the adults were fully capable of serving themselves from the main dish in the kitchen. Portioning out 5 pounds of potatoes would have taken a lifetime.

Note: I found the soap dishes at Walmart for a buck a piece! Hooray for clearance and out of the box thinking!

Hawkeye buckeyes for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
I wish I could take credit for the Hawkeye buckeyes but I can’t. It was all Michael. I did, however, think of another out of the box decor detail. I placed Captain America’s shield on top of an Iron Man wastebasket and called it the equivalent of a cake plate.

Iron mac and cheese for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
Michael might have been responsible for half of the naming, but I am pretty proud of my Hulk smashed potatoes and Iron mac and cheese. I wish you could see my bug-eyed, this is what memes are made out of face right now. Party details do things to me.

Note: I used my Silhouette to make enormous cupcake wrappers for the cups of mac and cheese.

Iron Man waste baskets make great drink coolers at a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
Not only did I use the wastebaskets for my towers, the metal cans were perfect ‘coolers’ for our beverages. Oh, and they are sitting on a pillowcase. More on that later, though.

Note: I put ice packs in the bottom of each can to cut down on the amount of potential melted ice (AKA water) on my floor if Hulk got out of hand. Superheros are not immune to accidents.

Iron Man cookies for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
I whipped up some Iron Man cookies…

Thor S'mores for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
… and Michael came up with Thor s’mores. Yanno, what’s a party without a sugar coma?

Lame. The answer you are looking for is lame.

Note: You can heat the s’mores in the microwave, the oven, over a grill, or over a gas stove. Kids don’t care as long as it’s ooey and gooey.

Ultron bonbons for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
And then he added more sugar in the form of Ultron bonbons. I think he was on a mission to get me to purchase all things sugar so I never lose my baby weight.

It’s working.

Purple and green Hulk silverware for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
I added Cheez-It baked snack crackers, Doritos, and Kellogg’s Fruit Snacks to our menu because I NEED to snack during a movie. We all have our weaknesses. Mine happens to be of the cheesy goodness and chewy fruit bites sort.

Note: Out of the box thinking wins again! I used the top sheet from a set of twin sheets for my tablecloth. The pillowcase pictured with the drinks was included with the sheets.

Hulk guarding the party favors for our MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
Speaking of snacks… I found a combination box in the snack aisle, so I filled the favor bags with a small bag of Cheez-It baked snack crackers, Kellogg’s Fruit Snacks, and Rice Krispies Treats. It was perfect and required zero effort.

I made sure we had Iron Man 1, 2, & 3; Captain America 1 & 2, Thor 1 & 2, and The Avengers on hand for our viewing pleasure. Which is when I realized how neglected our green friend is. Poor guy.

MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron Party Activities:

Ultron made an appearance at our MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
We played dress up. (Kudos to my mother in law for her participation!)

Playing superheros during our MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
Which led to playing superheros.

Watching The Avengers during our MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party #AvengersUnite #Ad
And ended with movies. It was perfect.

How to create a party backdrop for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron party using curtains #AvengersUnite #Ad
Here’s the skinny on how I turned the curtains into the backdrop:

  1. Start by hanging a white piece of fabric.
  2. Put the curtains on a curtains rod before hanging the rod at the same level as the white fabric.
  3. Give your husband ample time to figure out that you used two nails to secure the rod.
  4. Pinky promise you will patch the holes in the wall… eventually.
  5. Never patch the holes.

Shopping at Walmart for The Avengers food #AvengersUnite #Ad

As crazy as it sounds, I couldn’t sleep one night and found myself scrolling through the Avengers items on Walmart.com. I was looking for inspiration that wasn’t so mainstream. Something equally as cool as the Captain America backdrop from the previous party. That’s when I found the curtains and ev-ver-ry-thing else I purchased to indulge my tiny superhero’s obsession with all things superhero

Which is how we ended up spending some quality Mommy/Michael time at Walmart. Purchasing every stinkin’ product marked with his beloved superheros. He swore Dr Pepper Cherry was his favorite superhero drink even though he’s never had a lick of soda in his life. Well played, marketing.

Also, there is an app called Super Heroes Assemble (Current Studios) available right now that should keep your little superhero busy experiencing an augmented reality while you shop for groceries. I’ve got tricks for days, you guys!

Now that you see how easy it is to party like a superhero, will you be catching up before seeing MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron?

Do a girl a favor and pin this MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron Party!

Party ideas for a MARVEL's The Avengers Age of Ultron Party- Hulk smashed potatoes, Thor s'mores, Ultron bonbons, Iron mac and cheese, and more! #AvengersUnite #Ad

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/age-of-ultron-party/

Apr 19

Captain America Cupcakes

How to make Captain America cupcakes for a Marvel Avengers party
The only thing worse than an ugly Captain America cupcake is an ugly Captain America cupcake with no shield. Yanno, the type of cupcake you get when your toddler wakes up before you, heads downstairs without you, and eats all of the shields you slaved over the night before. All. Of. Them.

And then wakes you up with, “I ate cookies.”

Son-of-a-biscuit-eater! “How many cookies?”

“Ten. I ate ten cookies.”

‘Frowny face’ accompanied by a few choice words. Just a few. I’m a classy broad, you guys.

Gathering the supplies for the shields on my Captain America cupcakes
So I made more Captain America shields for my latest Marvel Avengers party. At 7am. In the morning. Before doing anything else.

Homie don’t play when it comes to party prep.

Frosting and cupcake supplies to make Captain America cupcakes

Captain America Cupcake Ingredients:

Making Captain America shields out of Nilla Wafers and cookie frosting
Because I’m a masochist when it comes to parties, I thought about making a star in the middle of my wafer. A star, you guys. Five points chock-full of symmetry. Who does that?

And then I woke up and smelled the spit-up. Normal people do not draw stars on tiny wafers… with primitive cookie decorating supplies. What in the world was I thinking? I can’t even draw a star on paper.

How to make Captain America cupcake toppers
Word to the wise… you need semi-steady hands if you want to end up with pretty shields.

And don’t try to listen in on your husband rag on your toddler for his man-sized poops because laughing isn’t conducive to the process of squeezing while rotating.

Using Betty Crocker frosting to frost Captain America cupcakes
I ended up changing my mind on the frosting at the last minute, so I grabbed a few bottles of cupcake icing out of my stash and went to town. I prefer my piping doohicky but these colors gave me more of a ‘merica feel.

Making Captain America cupcake toppers out of Nilla Wafers
‘Merica- where it’s okay to throw a party every week. I kid you not. I party plan on the daily.

Captain America cupcake toppers
He wanted to eat these shields too.

Shields for Captain America cupcakes
The kidlets will think you are the bomb diggity even if they don’t turn out perfect and all that jazz. Sugar is sugar and superheros don’t give a shit.

How to set the shield on top of the Captain America cupcakes
For a brief second I considered standing the shields up so they faced out. Just a second, though. The entire cupcake looks better with a flat shield and they help hide the meh frosting job.

Making Captain America cupcakes for a Marvel Avengers party
Yes, he is bossy. Yes, he loved my Captain America cupcakes. Yes, there is another Marvel Avengers party coming this week!


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/captain-america-cupcakes/

Apr 16

Thor Hammer Cupcakes

How to make Thor hammer cupcakes for a Marvel Avengers party
If you have followed me for any amount of time you know cupcakes are my jam.

Who am I kidding?

So are cookies and candies. Cake, though? Not so much. Serving a cake to your party guests is such a drag. Like, I just slaved away on a party of epic proportions and would like to sit here enjoying my cocktail. Oh… and your company. Obviously your company. That’s why I invited you over, no?

Gathering supplies to make Thor hammer cupcakes for our Marvel Avengers party
My super rad girlfriend, Lindsay, has been helping me out with pictures since, yanno, holding a camera is next to impossible these days. I wish it was due to my fresh from the womb attachment, but it’s more about my wicked awesome body nomming on itself. Not quite the same thing but close. That means you get to check out all of the junk in my trunk while I deviate from the cupcake tutorial. Hey girl, hey!

My bad.

Supplies needed to make Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party

Thor Hammer Cupcake Ingredients:

Spraying the marshmallow Thor hammers silver to set on top of the Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party
Start by spraying giant chubby bunny marshmallows with silver color mist. I have a heavy hand so I blew through the bottle in about 6 marshmallows. Be better than me… set the baby down and take your time.

Note: This mist smells like death when you first spray it, but don’t worry, it does nothing to the taste. So weird.

Getting ready to frost the Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party
I would like to take a minute for a shout out to my home girl Betty Crocker. Semi-homemade is how I go with 95% of my cupcakes and no one cares. That, and I would curl up in the corner and rock if my Wilton piping thingiemabopper turned up missing. I’ve got shortcuts for days, yo.

Adding a little bit of frosting to the Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party
And because I have no shame…

I just learned how to frost a pretty cupcake. Don’t ask me why I didn’t think to find a YouTube tutorial sooner because I will just shrug and give you the I don’t know face, but I did.

Thor hammer cupcakes are so easy to make you can do it while holding a sleeping infant
Proof that I really did get my cupcake on while Maverick snoozed on my shoulder.

Adding a pretzel rod to the silver marshmallow to finish the Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party
Next, stick a pretzel in the middle of the marshmallow until it doesn’t push back out.

Bracing the giant marshamallow Thor hammer with a toothpick
This was the point when I realized my dramatic Thor hammer was too large to stay in place on its own, so I placed a toothpick in the undercarriage.

Note: Remove before consuming unless you are into prickly pear situations.

What the toothpick looks like inside of the Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party
The toothpick provides enough of a brace that the Thor hammers don’t fall off when they are on display. That said, I make no promises if you plan on transporting them.

Thor hammer cupcakes for my Mavel Avengers party made from giant marshmallows and pretzel rods
It doesn’t get much easier than that!

Stay tuned for another Marvel party featuring another type of cupcake! Yanno, because Thor might not be your thing. Although I’m not sure what kind of woman would admit that Chris Hemsworth doesn’t make his way into her dreams…


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/thor-hammer-cupcakes/

Apr 13

An Open Letter to My Baby

 This open letter to my baby has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #PurellWipes #CollectiveBias

Sometimes you get poop on your baby's foot and don't realize it #PurellWipes #ad
Dear Maverick,

One day you will grow up to find stories upon stories of your life, some beginning in utero. Stories of hardship. Stories of love. Stories of how the very first party I ever planned for you was rained out minutes before the guests arrived. We’ve been on quite the journey together and you’re a mere 10 weeks old.

Let this be perfectly clear, no matter what hormonal hot mess you stumble upon first, you are well worth the 8 (and counting) months of your dad running the house. Don’t fret, though. I should be back in the kitchen by the time you start eating food that doesn’t require latching on to some sort of nipple. At that point we should be feasting on something other than fish sticks and lukewarm broccoli.

Trying to burp the baby so he doesn't spit up all over my hands and face #PurellWipes #ad
I feel as though I owe you an explanation. Your life up to now has been anything but hygienic. I apologize for the foul odors you’ve had to endure. I can only imagine what it was like each time I lifted my arm to plop my nipple in your mouth because I was too lazy, and too tired, to offer you a proper feeding. You know, one that included a comfortable nursing pillow.

Thankfully you are at the age where my unsightly appearance is lost on you and my ‘mom smell’ gets your attention whenever I walk into the room. Do you care that my legs are modern day woolly mammoths? Not so much. The only thing phasing you at this point in time is the time I save by not shaving because that means there is more time spent feeding you, burping you, and wiping your precious behind.

Daddy changing the baby's poopy diaper #PurellWipes #ad
Speaking of behinds, did you know you have this uncanny ability to begin pooping, pause all bodily fluids for what seems like an eternity, and resume your bowel movement like no time has passed? You’re tricky. Although I must say hearing how your nana walked around the house with poop in her hand was pretty freaking hilarious. I won’t even sit here and say I wasn’t pleased knowing that someone else had to deal with your fecal matter for once. At least I keep a canister of PURELL® Hand Sanitizing Wipes nearby. I’m pretty sure all parents can agree, sometimes you have to find a way to clean and sanitize without leaving the trenches.

Or what about the time your dad thought letting you soar through the sky like Superman was a good idea? You upchucked all over his face with lightning speed. My sides were wrecked from the manic laughing following his funky afternoon mouthwash. Note: Laughing at people when they are injured isn’t polite. Laughing at someone who is brave enough to send a recently fed baby over their face is fair game.

Rocking my baby in a nightie before he spit up all over me #PurellWipes #ad
And then there was the time I traded my oversized t-shirt and yoga pants for a flimsy nightie number. It was my first attempt at looking less like an unkempt mom of a baby and more like a foxy boo thang for your daddy. You had found your skin to skin nook and, as I rocked you back to sleep, I reflected on the newborn bonding that I will forever treasure seeing how you are my final squish…

Until you ralphed formula from my collarbone to my belly button.

Forcing me to wipe the crevasses of my sad, deflated breasts with a burp cloth before running another one of my trusty wipes over my skin. It was the jolt back to reality I needed to realize that sniff tests are easier to pass when regurgitated formula doesn’t come in contact with skin. Especially when it’s the skin your dad also enjoys nuzzling late at night.

Motherhood is messy and exhausting when you have a toddler and baby at home #PurellWipes #ad
I know I’m not the only mom out there wondering what it’s like to enjoy a warm meal, with two hands, again. Who also happens to be a mom dreaming of the day the garbage can is the only place tiny crackers go to die. Who, more than anything, is smitten with their bundle of joy to the point of trading the luxury of a parfum for the rank fragrance associated with bile. These are the days we will long for down the road, no?

Shopping for Purell Hand Sanitizing Wipes at Walmart #PurellWipes #ad
Are you one of my fellow moms looking for a quick wipe down before crawling back into bed at 4am? If so, PURELL Hand Sanitizing Wipes are available in the household cleaning aisle at Walmart in 70-count and 35-count canisters. And don’t forget your coupon or their wicked convenient loyalty program like I did. Who does that?

A mom wearing yesterday’s spit-up, that’s who.



Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/letter-to-my-baby/

Apr 08

Granite City Food & Brewery

Granite City Food & Brewery serves a variety of seasonal and signature brews
It’s no secret that my besties are full of body, have exquisite legs, and don’t mind me getting all up in their nose. Wine is my jam. Beer? Not so much.

Unless it’s craft beer. I will nurse a flight here and there in the name of finding a brew I can get down on. Michael, on the other hand, is all about the beer, but it has to be good beer. Snob much?

Seeing how I was invited to Granite City Food & Brewery to check things out as a member of the media, I got ballsy with a flight all to myself. I know, right? I like to think I’m aging gracefully, like a fine wine.

So, I tried the signature collection:

  • Broad Axe Stout – Style: Oatmeal Stout, a thick creamy head sits atop the opaque blackness of this oatmeal stout. Roasted chocolate and coffee notes make this beer a great treat!
  • The Bennie – Style: German Bock, a German style lager, our bock carries a brownish color, a medium body, and a mouthwatering smoothness from the wonderful malt and sweet caramel flavors.
  • The Duke Style: India Pale Ale, the rich color of this pale ale hints at the bold malt character used to balance the huge hoppy flavors and defining bitterness of this classic English beer.
  • The Northern – Style: American Lager, brewed to the American standard of a classic lager, this light golden beer is our mildest offering with a creamy, smooth taste.

Granite City Food & Brewery boasts a full bar that is sure to please more than just the guests looking for craft beer
The verdict?

<insert drumroll here>

The Northern mixed with lemonade gets my stamp of approval. Baby steps, guys! Relish in the fact that I’ve found a brewski I would order sans coercion.

Granite City's signature brews are created on site
I’m not sure if this is standard practice for restaurants brewing their own beer, but the taps at the bar pull straight from the vats. That’s pretty rad. And, if I want to dweeb out on you a bit more, Fermentus Interuptus™ allows them to transport the wort to the stores from one central location.

Call me an overthinker if you must, but the homebrewer in me enjoyed hearing about how they brewed their beer.

Note: Granite City Food & Brewery will also feature guest taps!

Join Granite City's brew rewards program and fill your growler with hand crafted beers each time you visit
And for all my beer-os out there. (Like winos, no? Maybe?) Granite City has a Brew Rewards program, formerly known as the mug club, and $15 growler fills. I brought home a growler of The Duke for Michael’s birthday and it was gone before the party was over. The notes of grapefruit were the talk of the party… after his old man status, of course.

Granite City Food & Brewery is a polished casual American restaurant featuring fresh, high quality menu items prepared from made from scratch recipes
Enough about the beer, though. I want to talk about the grub.

Chain restaurants typically make me think I am eating something straight from the freezers of GFS or Sam’s Club. Granite City might be a chain but their food was amazing. In fact, I fully endorse the spinach artichoke dip, buffalo chicken flatbread, cajun pasta, the big show burger, and SO much more. I don’t have time to talk about all of my favorites from their menu! We really need to move back to metro Detroit.

And their cocktails? Ermahgerd! My martini was smooth to the point of getting a girl on a first date in trouble… if ya know what I mean!

Granite City Northville is located in Northville Park Place, on the southwest corner of Haggerty and Seven Mile roads at 39603 Traditions Drive

Granite City Northville is a breeze to get to, even for those of living an hour away. It’s located in the Northville Park Place development, on the southwest corner of Haggerty and Seven Mile.

Also, if you check them out on opening day (April 8th) they will donate 10% of your meal to the Northville Civic Concern, and you will receive a free Brew Rewards membership.

Granite City Locations:

  • Northville: 39603 Traditions Dr
  • Troy: 699 W. Big Beaver Rd
  • Detroit: TBA at 100 GM Renaissance Ctr.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Other Granite City Giveaways:


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/granite-city-food-brewery/

Apr 06

When Insurance Denies Tysabri

I am so over this relapse. I want to wake up from this bad dream and never sleep again.

I need to take care of my kids. I need to be present for my husband. I need to get to a place where I am able to return all of the acts of kindness I have received. This relapse has taken just about everything from me and I want it all back. All of it. Hell, I even welcome the nerve pain caused by too many squats and leg presses.

I NEED to feel something outside of squishy legs, pain, and numb body parts.

I was getting by when I was being pumped full of steroids. The hot flashes and insomnia helped with my newborn’s sleep schedule and the candy was delicious. I had a false sense of security, but there was no need for a babysitter… for me. And then Blue Cross Blue Shield went and turned my life upside down. Assholes.

Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan denied the request and appeal to use Tysabri to treat my Multiple Sclerosis

I had no idea there would be so many hoops to jump through when I truly needed something. I have a need, not a want, and the hoops have hurt me. The rage I feel for insurance companies each time my feet falter isn’t very lady-like.

You see, insurance companies, at least mine and my mom’s, are no longer giving patients with Multiple Sclerosis the green light when it comes to Tysabri. These days it’s more like a stale green light that will turn red as soon as you think you might make it through. They now have the ability to approve or deny your coverage for Tysabri because they don’t want to foot the bill.

A bunch of turds are sitting in a room, deciding the fate of patients with Multiple Sclerosis.

They don’t want to pay something like $5600-ish a treatment and then whatever it costs to bring you back if you get PML. I get it from a business viewpoint, but these are people’s lives we’re talking about. Their wellbeing.

The waiting game has destroyed any shred of the positive attitude I was hanging on to. It took away my hope and has strained every aspect of my life. It isn’t fair to all parties involved in my recovery.

My mom was approved for Tysabri because she is negative for the JC Virus. Fabulous. I’m glad she made the cut. I was not so lucky. I had to wait weeks to find out I was denied because I am positive for the JC-fucking-Virus. Weeks! Weeks to a person trying to manage the symptoms of a relapse is practically the kiss of death. All of the progress from the steroids? Gone. What a waste of time.

Biogen has a financial assistance program for patients with Multiple Sclerosis who need help getting Tysabri

The silver lining that I am able to pass on to any patient out there struggling is Biogen’s free Tysabri program. Their financial aid program is open to those without insurance, as well as individuals on the reject list.

For now, the free drug program is how I am back on Tysabri. Is Tysabri what my doctor wants me on long term? Not at all. Will Tysabri get me back on my feet the quickest? You betcha!

I need to get back on my feet so I can manage my weekly Target trip!

New symptoms:

  • Loss of sensation/numb body
  • Lack of upper body strength
  • Mental fog
  • Itching


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/when-insurance-denies-tysabri/

Apr 02

Masquerade Party

How to decorate a masquerade party on a budget
I love my mom. She taught me what it means to be selfless in a world of greed. She gives whatever she has to offer, even when you can’t imagine she has anything left to give. I don’t know how she does it, but she does, and is one of the reasons why our family is blessed. Girlfriend is the best thing since sliced bread.

Which is why I wanted to give her something, on behalf of the family, that would make her feel special. Something she could get excited about that wasn’t a grandchild. Something all about HER. Something to show her how much she means to everyone.

That’s right, folks! Momma bear got herself a fancy pants masquerade party with real linens and surprise details.

Special Occasions, offering full service linen and chair cover rentals serving mid Michigan, provided the linens for my masquerade party. That being said, our family began using their linens way before I started planning this party, so you know it’s legit.

Add personal touches to your masquerade party with old pictures of the guest of honor
So, how do you plan a party outside of your home? And, more importantly, how do keep the to-do list easy enough that a 38+ week pregnant woman can do most of it flying solo? That, my friends, was my biggest challenge. I’m not known for taking breaks, and I sure as heck don’t ask for help!

Except I did this time. Planning this birthday party was definitely a family affair.

Chair covers and linens from Special Occasions turned this masquerade party into an event the birthday girl will never forget

Party Theme:

I went with a lot of the party supplies we had on hand. You know, because our basements are frequently confused with party warehouses.

Pictured Above:

  • Linens- Special Occasions
  • Gold chargers– Dollar Tree (Note: Chargers are available to rent from Special Occasions. Only crazies with forgiving husbands need boxes of chargers in their basement.)
  • Champagne flutes- Dollar & Party Store
  • Red striped favor bags- Target clearance
  • Venue- Sharky’s Sports Bar

Chair covers and sashes from Special Occasions in Flint, Michigan
Let’s talk about linens for a minute, mmmkay? Table linens and chair covers have the ability to take your party from drab to fab with little to no effort. No joke. You can save some dinero by doing the work yourself, or pay a little extra for them to deliver, set up, and take everything down. It’s your call but, if I were to get married again, I would totally let someone else do the work. I don’t recommend relying on your soon to be husband to take care of your last minute details list. Know what I mean, Gene?

Decorate the tables at your masquerade party with masks and beads
I dressed up each table with black masks and beads for a few reasons: guests will forget their dress up gear, guests won’t want to dress up until they arrive, and lacy numbers give the table a bit of classy sex appeal. Think Marilyn, not Pamela.

Dessert table for a masquerade party

Party Menu:

The initial plan was to surprise mom with all of her favorite dishes so she could gorge herself into her favorite fat pants like her daughters. Except… that sooo didn’t happen. The venue changed hours before the event was scheduled to begin, forcing me to trade her fried chicken for pizza. Bar pizza.

Which shrunk the menu to her favorite cupcakes, sugar cookies, and a cake for my sister. Priorities, amirite?

German chocolate cake for my sister's birthday
I couldn’t forget about my other guest of honor. Her cake was crawling with dinosaurs and she wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Party decorations:

DIY 50 made out of pictures for a masquerade party Don't forget the little details at your masquerade party
I cut the 50 out of cardboard and attached the pictures with teacher’s putty.

Note: I used putty in an effort to preserve the pictures.

Easy red centerpieces for a masquerade party
Red mask and mesh centerpieces for a red and black masquerade party
The centerpieces were a breeze to make. You need: masquerade masks, tall vases, dowels painted black, floral wire, and red mesh.

  • Roll a piece of mesh up and carefully insert it in the vase.
  • Cut three 2ft pieces of mesh.
  • Pinch the center of the each piece and wrap it with a piece of wire.
  • Arrange the three poofy sections by sticking the wire nubs in the vase.
  • Hot glue the painted dowel to the back of the mask and slip it into the middle of the vase.

Don’t worry if the centerpieces have a little wobble to them. Wobble is okay unless your guests are throwing each other into the tables. I mean, I guess that could happen, but it’s highly unlikely.

Red party favors full of the guest of honor's favorite things
The party favors were bags of my mom’s favorite treats (burnt peanuts, peanut M&M’s, and Mr Goodbars). Minimal effort for a party planner in touch with what the guest of honor enjoys. I’d be lying if I said she didn’t confiscate the extra bags at the end of the night.

Mission birthday gift- annihilated!

Red sugar cookies cut with a mask cookie cutter for a masquerade party
In addition to the embarrassing 50, I scattered more OMG pictures on the table. Giving the party more meaning and the guests something to look at.

How to set up a cheap and easy DIY photo booth
And then we partied. I built a DIY photo booth with my black backdrop, fun props, and my camera on a tripod. It’s a great way to collect memories and give the kids something to run around with. I am a firm believer in getting pictures whenever the family gets together.

Encourage your guests to dress up once they arrive at the masquerade party Guests dressing up for a masquerade party
You know your family is the bomb diggity when they dress for your theme like mine did. There is nothing worse than a room full of fuddy duddies.

Masquerade party centerpieces and table decorations
Connect with Special Occasions:

Do a girl a favor and pin this masquerade party!

How to throw a fun masquerade party for someone's 50th birthday

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/04/masquerade-party/

Mar 29

Is He a Good Baby?

#spon: I’m required to disclose a relationship between our site and Intel. This could include the Intel Corporation providing us with content, product, access or other forms of payment.

Working on my Asus MeMo Pad 7 while rocking my baby to sleep
How do you respond to strangers and their well meaning questions like, “is he a good baby?”

Do you make them feel good and say he’s an angel? That he naps like a champ? That he doesn’t scream for hours a day? How about how he refuses to sit in any one of the thousands of dollars in baby gear you’ve purchased? Or, better yet, how he shrieks if you try to rock him instead of swaying back and forth?

Real talk, ya dig?

I could have answered with any one of those statements, but I didn’t. I surprised myself with a forced smile (my attempt to brighten up my dull, sleep deprived eyes) and went with, “all babies are good in their own way.” To which she replied, “at least he isn’t colicky.”

Yes, at least he isn’t colicky. Color me fortunate.

Getting work done on my Asus MeMo Pad 7 while my baby sleeps in my arms
Little did she know the majority of my office hours are spent in a rocking chair, with my Asus MeMo Pad 7 in hand, holding my sleeping baby. Proof that Mother Nature hardwired women with the ability to procreate and sacrifice anything to prevent a tiny human from becoming overtired. Yanno? The only thing worse than a baby screaming directly in your ear is a toddler yelling for you to wipe his butt while said screaming is taking place. Motherhood in a nutshell, no?

So, I rock my extra cuddly baby as I write about my extra cuddly baby. With my thumbs, mind you. And anyone who knows me knows I have a gimp toe thumb. Which is why 7 inches is plenty big enough. (That’s what she said!)

Toddler watching YouTube Kids on his Asus MeMo Pad 7

But you know what I’ve come to realize? Seeing how Maverick is my second child, I was aware I wouldn’t sleep for months. I knew going into this that he would cry and need me for everything. I get it. That’s what happens when you pop out a baby. What I wasn’t prepared for was my toddler’s demands on top of that. I find myself riddled with mom guilt as I hand him the tablet so he can watch Lightning McQueen. Or when later doesn’t happen. Or when his nap snuggles are cut short because his brother woke up. Or when there isn’t enough room in the recliner for him to sit with me as I feed Maverick.

The struggle, guys! The struggle.

Stay tuned for the techy details of my Asus MeMo Pad 7, which very well could include a Talk Nerdy to Me video! Hooray for gigglesnorts!

We might gravitate towards Intel Tablets, but you know I don’t like to endorse technology until I have used it for more than a minute. Shoooott… you can find unboxing specs any ole place.

Just know that it was introduced in the summer of 2014. It looks to be priced around $150, and can come in fun colors like yellow, red, and what looks like aqua. I dig the look but will it hold up to hours of videos and rocking back and forth?

Find out next time on Talk Nerdy to Me! <Said in my best TV person voice.>

Okay, so I’m lame. And I watch a lot of TV. And most of the time things sound better in my head because, mannerisms. You don’t get the full effect via text. Now, if only I could find a tablet that helps me get more showers in so I can film more videos.. hmm.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/03/is-he-a-good-baby/

Mar 24

For the Love of Chocolate

Gayle's Chocolates offers chocolate treats for all ages. #fortheloveofchocolate
How do you decide what to do your first night out after popping a kid out? You have a few options, ya know:

  • Go to a hotel with overstuffed pillows and a fluffy comforter… to sleep. All-night-long. Without interruptions. Without a tiny human in your bed. Heck, without your husband if you don’t get down on the cuddle.
  • Go out with the girls and drink yourself into an oblivion… not because you are a lush, more so because you haven’t had a stiff anything in 9 months.
  • Go out to dinner and enjoy a warm meal, consume said meal with two hands, and actually savor the flavors instead of woofing it down like you belong on Orange is the New Black.
  • Go to a wine and chocolate tasting and enjoy quality libations and chocolates. You know, like a responsible adult.

My first night out after having Maverick was a wine and chocolate tasting event at Gayle’s Chocolates with Elie Wine Company. I am sharing the details of my night and giving away a chocolate bunny as part of our partnership. 

Gayle's Chocolates, located in Royal Oak, has a variety of high heel chocolates, the perfect gift for women everywhere! #FortheLoveofChocolate
In case you were wondering, I left Maverick with his dad for my evening of deliciousness. What’s the worst that could’ve happen, right? Well…


Unless you consider me realizing that I need to get out more if I ever want to hold an adult conversation that doesn’t include feeding schedules and bowel movements a bad thing. I like to think of it as my first step back into society. I might have gotten sloshed the first time I went out after Michael, but I was able to drive home from my first chocolate store after Maverick.

Let’s just say aging is doing good things to me… like a fine wine. Ba dum tsk!

Wine and chocolate tasting with Elie Wine Company at Gayle's Chocolates #fortheloveofchocolate
Elie was our tour guide for the majority of the evening. He helped us navigate from Navarra to Port, with pit stops at Arribes, Rioja, Coteaux du Layon, and Pineau des Charentes. All of which were delightful on their own, but I thought only a few were worthy paired with chocolate.

Speaking of chocolate, did you know you should smell your chocolate before taking a bite, like wine? And, you should let chocolate melt in your mouth (not in your hand!) before chomping? And, there is an optimal temperature for storing chocolate, like wine?

How’s that for knowledge? If you’re not learning, you’ve probably croaked!

Gayle's Chocolates is a chocolate store located in Royal Oak, MI #fortheloveofchocolate
I was literally a kid in the candy store. I mean, I was pretty stoked seeing how it was my first time. And there were chocolate dinosaurs, chocolate shoes, chocolate cameras, cases of truffles, and a giant chocolate bunny. A bunny so large it requires its own seat on a plane! For real. Imagine a chocolate bunny chillin’ in the window seat of your flight. That’s a massive bunny!

Oh, and because I think you guys are the coolest cats in town, I am giving away a 2.5 pound chocolate bunny. That isn’t a typo. The prized bunny is two.five pounds. Pounds like lb. You know, 40 ounces.

Happy Easter, you silly rascals!

An evening of wine and chocolate at Gayle's Chocolates in Royal Oak, MI #fortheloveofchocolate

Connect with two fabulous Michigan companies:

Gayle’s Chocolates: There is a real person named Gayle who loves chocolate. Thirty-five years ago, Gayle’s Chocolates was one saucepan on one stove in Huntington Woods, Michigan. It all startedwhen Gayle wanted to find an intensely rich piece of chocolate. She couldn’t find what she was looking for in any store, and decided to make them herself. She wasn’t planning on starting a business, but the rest is history.

Elie Wine Company: Elie started the Elie Wine Company more than twenty years ago, after years in the wine trade. Since then, he has traveled extensively to find new wines, learn face-to-face from the seminal producers of the Old World, and to bring that information and those insights back to Detroit.

*NOTE: You will have just a few hours on 3/25 to confirm your prize. I will be selecting the winner IN THE AFTERNOON so I can send the information to the sponsor that evening. May your fingers be nimble!
a Rafflecopter giveaway


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/03/for-the-love-of-chocolate/

Mar 23

Shower Etiquette for Couples

Our shower etiquette tips have been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #MySignatureMove #CollectiveBias

Why you should get your man to shower with Irish Spring Signature for Men Hydrating bar soap #MySignatureMove #ad
Is taking a sudsy shower with your spouse on your bucket list? I’m talking about a shower so full of passion that Hugh himself blushes. You know, the kind of shower you see in the movies.

Except, shower scenes from the movies are not based on true stories. They are full of LIES. Lies meant to disappoint eager, young men everywhere.

Just another example of how life isn’t fair.

Watch our Shower Etiquette Tips for Couples:

I forgive you if you are unable to watch our video right now, but you absolutely MUST come back later! Michael is hilarious and we are rocking our birthday suits like seasoned pornstars.

Except, not. Don’t worry, mom, there is no sexy time.

Shower etiquette tips for couples #MySignatureMove #ad
When a man dreams of showering with his lady he doesn’t realize what that REALLY means. Showering with us means you must stand in the cold until our hair is wet, as we rinse out the shampoo, and again when rinse out the conditioner. Are you prepared to make the appropriate sacrifices?

And please tread lightly when it comes to pimples. Just because they are talking smack does NOT mean she wants you to relieve the pressure via force. Unless, of course, you find the doghouse extra cozy. Maybe you do? Maybe it’s outfitted with the latest tech toys, your favorite brewskis, and you are looking for an excuse to be sent there?

Stranger things have happened.

Keep your husband happy by filling your shower with Irish Spring Signature for Men man sized bar soap #MySignatureMove #ad
I feel like the next shower etiquette tip is a no brainer, but I will say it anyway. Please! Please don’t break the first rule of marriage by farting in the shower. Warm, wet farts linger for far too long. Not even manlicious Irish Spring body wash will protect the two of you from the invisible cloud of stank!

Although… the Signature line has man sized bar soap made with natural ingredients and scents that are chockful of lady attractants. They must. I don’t see how they aren’t. They draw me in like a moth to the flame.

Eliminating your man’s stench with Irish Spring Signature for Men Hydrating Body Wash #MySignatureMove #ad
But farting isn’t the mack daddy of all the male faux pas out there. The one thing that will end your shower privileges faster than it takes a loofah to suds up is:

Washing your lady friend with the loofah you just used to wash your butt!

Just, no. Save the dingleberries for your mama!

These shower faux pas happen far too often in our home. It’s disgusting. Disgusting and yet I can’t get enough of the bottles and bars of man scent! Moth. Flame. Remember?

Shopping for Irish Spring at Walmart #MySignatureMove #ad

Purchase one of the new Irish Spring Signature products and get $5 off a VUDU purchase! (I picked mine up from Walmart.) Take a picture of your receipt and then go to http://cbi.as/3boj to upload your receipt. Next step, enjoy watching!


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/03/shower-etiquette/

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