Jul 05

Inside Out Memory Orb Cake Stand

How to make an Inside Out memory orb cake stand for your next Inside Out party
I wanted to share another Inside Out party tutorial with the interwebz because I consider you guys the cheese to my macaroni. The jelly to my peanut butter.

You get the picture.

Full disclosure, though. This memory orb tutorial will either test your patience or strengthen your pimp hand. You will have to decide which path to travel. It would be wrong of me to influence your decision.

Note: Don’t miss the cupcake tutorial and the party plan!

Inside Out Memory Orb Cake Stand:

Using hot glue to attach the marbles to a shoe box for this DIY Inside Out Memory Orb Cake Stand


  • Empty shoe box
  • Marbles (I used 450 to cover the front, 2 sides, and about half of the back. I knew my cake stand would be facing a wall so I opted to save some time.)
  • Hot glue gun
  • Optional: Paint to cover up any words, logos, etc.

You have a few options depending on the type of shoe box you are using. You can: ditch the loose lid, tape the lid to the box, or cut the connected lid off. I opted to chop it off so I wasn’t gluing marbles on an awkward seam.

Money saving tip: Dollar Tree carries a 50 pack of marbles for, you guessed it, $1. Shocking, right?

Attaching the marbles to a shoe box for this DIY Inside Out Memory Orb Cake Stand
It really is a simple process. You put hot glue on the marble and line them up on the box. Over. And over. And over again. I recommend sitting your fanny in front of the boob tube because attaching 450 marbles is mind numbing.

Crafting tip: There is NO such thing as too much hot glue in a project like this. This memory orb cake stand does not stand a chance against a toddler. Although, all I cared about was it lasting through my Inside Out party.

Use a blow dryer to get the hot glue strings off of the Inside Out Memory Orb Cake Stand
Once all of the marbles are attached, use your blow dryer to melt off a fair amount of glue strings.

Voices in your head banana bread for an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
To finish it off, I pulled the yellow platter out of my party stash and called it a cake stand. That’s it!

Now, if only I was better at emotions and stuff…


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/07/inside-out-memory-orb-cake-stand/

Jul 02

Inside Out Cupcakes

Inside Out cupcake tutorial for an Inside Out party
Inside Out is all the rage these days and homegirl has done the creative thinking for you when it comes to the party and now the cupcakes. You want to be armed with ideas for the day your tiny terror begs for an Inside Out party. Who can resist puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears?

I know. I know.

All of the parents out there with a backbone..

Inside Out Cupcakes:

Use your Silhouette to cut out the cupcake toppers for Inside Out cupcakes
I used my Silhouette Portrait to cut out something special for each character:

  • Anger: Red tie with a beige cupcake wrapper.
  • Sadness: Black glasses with a blue cupcake wrapper.
  • Joy: Marble ‘shooter’ with a yellow cupcake wrapper.
  • Fear: Red bowtie with a patterned cupcake wrapper.
  • Disgust: Sparkle green cupcake wrapper.

Use hot glue to attach the cardstock to toothpicks for the Inside Out cupcake toppers
Next, I used a hot glue gun to attach the cardstock to toothpicks. Anger’s is on an angle because I didn’t want it sitting in the frosting.

Note: I used the silhouette for the ‘voices in my head’ banana bread but you could keep your workload smaller by using a polka dot cupcake wrapper with the heads. Pick your poison.

How to frost Anger for a complete set of Inside Out cupcakes
I decorated the majority of the cupcakes just like every other cupcake tutorial I write about. Call me predictable, if you must, but it works for me.

I wanted a bit of flair for the rest of the cupcakes so I filled my decorating gun with two colors to represent Anger and Disgust.

Anger was a no brainer…

Making lime green frosting for the Disgust Inside Out cupcake
Disgust wasn’t the easiest character to depict in a cupcake so I upped the sassypants a bit with pink and a white mixed with lime green gel food coloring.

Adding the cupcake toppers to the Inside Out cupcakes
Finally, put the cupcake toppers on their matching Inside Out cupcakes and call it a day.

That’s it!

How to make Inside Out cupcakes for the characters- Anger, Fear, Joy, Disgust, and Sadness
These cupcakes are a breeze to make if you don’t make a box of cake mix per character. Normal people don’t spend an entire day making 99 cupcakes for an Inside Out party.

… I’ve never once claimed to be normal.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/07/inside-out-cupcakes/

Jun 26

Bonfire Bonanza

This bonfire bonanza has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #ShareFunshine #CollectiveBias

How to throw a burlap and pink bonfire bonanza with bonfire cupcakes, hobo dinners, and a banana bar. #ShareFunshine
The end of June marks a few things in the Schuplin home:

  • Our big family trip to the cabin for my birthday.
  • It’s crunch time for Michael’s birthday party.

Outside of Christmas, these are the two events I look forward to all year. Sure, we throw a ton of parties, but they all pale in comparison to Michael’s soiree.

Seriously. You should come.

Since time is a hot commodity during this time period, we tend to favor spontaneous shindigs whenever a window opens up. Spontaneous and typically outdoors so my guests don’t have to compete with the mess that comes with his party. It’s pretty intense, guys.

If you have 11 hours, you can plan this gorgeous burlap and pink bonfire bonanza. I’m so in love with it. Backyard wedding anyone?

Bonfire Bonanza Food:

Chicken hobo dinner bar for a bonfire bonanza #ShareFunshine
I have been a lover of chicken hobo dinners since my days of rustic camping as a young lass. Pick whatever fillings you want and let your guests do the rest.

Party tip: I recommend tossing the potatoes with a bit of vegetable oil so everything is locked and loaded before people arrive. 

Campfire cupcakes on top of a log cake stand for a bonfire bonanza #ShareFunsine
Ohh. Emm. Gee. I love these cupcakes!

I knew I was having a bonfire bonanza. I knew I was buying XXL bags of M&M’s®. What I wasn’t sure of was how I would incorporate the two.

Until I realized M&M’s® look like coals. And coals are in fires. And campfire cupcakes are perfect!

Party tip: Stay tuned for the campfire cupcake tutorial!

Campfire banana bar is the perfect dessert for a bonfire bonanza #ShareFunshine
But the cupcakes were not meant to be the star of the show. Not even sort of. The real dessert was another ‘cook in the fire’ type of dish.

Give your guests options with multiple types of M&M's® #ShareFunshine
A cook in the fire dish that utilized more of the humongous bags of M&M’s® I purchased.

Step by step recipe for a campfire banana filled with marshmallows and M&M's® #ShareFunshine

Campfire Banana Boats:

  • Use a knife to cut a banana down the middle.
  • Stuff the banana with different types of M&M’s® and marshmallows.
  • Wrap the banana with a foil sheet and place it in the fire for about 15 minutes. (I turned mine halfway through because I like an even cook.)
  • Carefully remove the foil wrapped banana and set it on something to cool down.

Campfire banana boat filled with marshmallows and M&M's® #ShareFunshine
Now, if you were camping, you would use something a little more primitive as a cooling area. Rocks work well.

Keep your table pretty by putting your drinks in glass bottles #ShareFunshine
I have a collection of pitchers and glass bottles ready to be filled at all times to keep branded drink bottles from appearing on my tables. I’m not a fan of tarnishing a party theme, but that’s just me. If you are slightly less OCD, please go on with your bad self!

Set bottles of water wrapped in pink burlap duct tape on the tables of your bonfire bonanza #ShareFunshine
In addition to the drink of the soda variety, I set out waters wrapped with a pink burlap duct tape.

Bonfire Bonanza Decorations:

Burlap flowers for a bonfire bonanza  #ShareFunshine
I dressed up my main table with the most beautiful burlap flowers, accented with a pink twine filler.

A bonfire bonanza wouldn't be complete without a basket full of blankets for the guests #ShareFunshine
I set out blankets for the guests.

Decorate plain brown boxes with burlap floral touches for extra touch of chic #ShareFunshine
And I embellished the boxes of banana boat ingredients with tiny burlap flowers. You know me and my details!

Trail mix party favors with a burlap top are easy for a bonfire bonanza #ShareFunshine
Finally, I added another flower to my favor stand for cohesion.

How to make trail mix party favors with M&M's®, granola, and peanuts #ShareFunshine

Trail Mix Party Favors:

  • 1/3 cup Peanuts
  • 1/3 cup M&M’s® Peanut
  • 1/3 cup M&M’s® Original
  • 3.5 oz Granola
  • 16oz Canning jar (Dollar Tree is the cheapest.)
  • 6″ Burlap circle

These trail mix party favors are so stinkin’ affordable and tasty to boot! Mix all of the ingredients in a bowl before putting everything in the jar unless you are going for the layered look. Next, center the burlap circle with the lid and call it a day. That’s it!

I know, right? So easy.

Shopping at Sam's Club for XXL bags of M&M's® #ShareFunshine

In case you want to pick up some XXL bags of M&M’s® for your own summer parties, Sam’s Club carries M&M’s® Original, M&M’s® Crispy, and M&M’s® Peanut. I like to keep them on hand because bowls of treats are always a hit when guests are looking for something to snack on. You just never know when a reason to party will pop up!

What other summer themes do you think will benefit from the XXL big bag of M&M’s®?

Do a girl a favor and pin this bonfire bonanza!

Ideas to help you throw a burlap and pink themed bonfire bonanza #ShareFunshine

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/bonfire-bonanza/

Jun 25

Tie Dye Party

This Tie Dye Party is part of the Tie Dye Your Summer campaign with Tulip® and Blueprint Social. The opinions and party ideas are my own.

How to throw a Tie Dye Party with Tulip® One-Step Tie-Dye Kit®
I’ve been dying (See what I did there?) to do work on this party for the kids. How often is it okay for a tiny human to let loose with paint without any repercussions? Okay, fine. What I mean is… how often does that happen in our home?

Answer- never.

Tye Dye Party Food:

Paint splatter cupcake wrappers and rainbow swirled lollipops make the best cupcakes for a Tye Dye Party
This is not the party plan to follow if you are looking for healthy. Unless, of course, you are looking for good, healthy fun. With this party, my only mission was unapologetic fun. And sugar.

So much sugar.

Trix marshmallow bars are easy to make for a tie dye party
I made marshmallows bars with Trix cereal.

Add colorful sugar cookies to your tie dye party
We had colorful sugar cookies.

Fruit snacks are really easy to set out for the kids attending your tie dye party
And I finished off the treats with the ever popular fruit snack.

Dress up water bottles for your tie dye party with tie dye duct tape
The water bottles were wrapped with a paint splatter duct tape.

A picnic blanket is easy for the kids at your tie dye party to enjoy their treats
And we traded the traditional table and chairs for a cozy picnic blanket.

Tie Dye Party Decorations:

Paints are a cute way to display food at your tie dye party
I knew I was throwing a tie dye party, but the decorations didn’t come together until I found these amazing paint cans. I was meant to go shopping that day. Some call it fate.

I call it fuel for my ridiculous shopping habits.



Mix and match your utensils to fit your tie dye party
I filled one paint can with tie dye napkins and a hodge podge of colorful cutlery.

Dress up the tables at your tie dye party with bright flowers
I dressed up one activity table with colorful flowers.

Make a tee pee for the kids to play in during your tie dye party
And I made a teepee. For real. I made a teepee because who wouldn’t want one? I mean, c’mon… it’s a teepee.

I want a teepee.

Tie Dye Party Activities:

I had two paint themed activities for the kids because I wasn’t sure how the tie dye would go over with toddlers.

Spoiler. My clothes made it the entire party without any battle wounds.

Tie Dye Station:

To make the perfect tie dye station for your tie dye party, provide your guests with white t-shirts and Tulip® One-Step Tie-Dye Kit®
The Tulip® One-Step Tie-Dye Kit® came with everything we needed to tie dye our white shirts.

The Tulip® One-Step Tie-Dye Kit® comes with gloves to keep your hands clean
We put our gloves on.

Kids of all ages can tie dye at your tie dye party with a little help from their parents
I let Michael pick out his colors. (red, blue, and pink)

Kids are messy so protecting your surroundings with plastic is important
And he made a shirt only a mother could love. It was perfect. The kit made the entire process so easy!

Paint Splatter Station:

Add a paint splatter station for the young kids attending your tie dye party
Once we were done making shirts, we moved on to the paint splatter station. Now, the kids didn’t know what tie dye meant, but they understood when I said they could throw paint at a canvas.

Fill eggs with paint so the kids can throw them at their canvas
I filled <clean> eggs with washable paint.

The kids will look forward to the paint splatter station because they get to throw paint
And tried my best to keep Michael entertained while he not so patiently waited for Leah.

The kids can throw or pour their paint on the canvas
Make sure you use washable paint for the paint splatter station at your tie dye party

The kids are still too young to give the eggs a hard enough chuck, so there was a bit of pouring going on, but it worked.

After the kids get to paint and tie dye their shirts, they will enjoy spending time in their tee pee
When the tie dye party starts to die down, spend time with the kids lounging around on the picnic blanket
I consider this a mission accomplished.

At the end of the tie dye party, the only paint on my child was a splatter of orange from the eggs
Mission accomplished sans dyed hands.

Connect with Tulip®: Facebook – Twitter – Instagram – Pinterest – Tumblr – Google + – YouTube

Do a girl a favor and pin this tie dye party!

Easy party ideas to help you throw a fun tie dye party

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/tie-dye-party/

Jun 24

Inside Out Party

This Inside Out party has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #InsideOutEmotions #CollectiveBias

How to throw an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Terrible Twos.


The <use your imagination> Fours.

Ask any parent about their toddler’s emotions and I’m almost positive you will get the head shake followed by a sigh. Emotions are tricky when you are forced to share your toys and play nice.

Who am I kidding? I’m pushing 30 and I am not about emotions.

Which is why I was so adamant about Disney’s Inside Out being Michael’s first movie theater experience. I need him to know it’s okay to feel a whole slew of emotions, and that feeling sad isn’t all that bad. Inside Out did just that and was the perfect stepping stone for what was to come.

Exactly one week after we beefed up our dialogue about emotions in a fun, animated way, we buried Grandpa Ivan.

I’m sure you can imagine, there have been oodles of ‘use your words’ and ‘how does that make you feel’ going on these days, so we planned an Inside Out party. That’s what we do. It’s our thing.

Inside Out Party Decorations:

The table decorations for our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
These adorable plushes gave each place setting its own identity so the kids had nothing to argue about. If you are planning a small party, the plushes can double as an easy party favor.

Anger place setting at our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Fear place setting at our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Disgust place setting for our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Sadness place setting for our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Each place setting came with matching cutlery and a favor box.

Party tip: I encourage my guests to place their utensils in a separate container so I can wash and reuse them. Although this helps with my budget, not all of my guests remember to recycle them, so parties utilizing multiple colors keeps people from finding out about my mess of a party supply cupboard.

Colorful napkins for our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Inside Out coloring party favors for your next Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
I filled each favor box with:

  • Printable coloring sheet
  • Crayons
  • Kellogg’s Inside Out fruit snacks
  • Bing Bong Ding Dong

Inside Out Party Food:

Complete your Inside Out party with cupcakes for each one of the characters #InsideOutEmotions
Those cupcakes, though!

Creating fun cupcakes for my parties will forever be my favorite task as a party planner. Unless, of course, I spend the day making 99 cupcakes. Not saying I did or anything because that’s insane…

Party tip: If you are throwing a party for a movie, look for a movie poster to use as your backdrop. 

Anger, Fear, Joy, Disgust, and Sadness cupcakes for an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions

Inside Out Cupcakes:

  • Anger: (Red cake mix.) Orange and yellow swirled frosting with a patterned tie and a beige wrapper.
  • Disgust: (Green cake mix.) Pink and lime green swirled frosting with a dark green glitter wrapper.
  • Joy: (Yellow cake mix.) Blue frosting with a shooter marble and a yellow wrapper.
  • Sadness: (Blue cake mix.) Blue frosting with a pair of glasses and a blue wrapper.
  • Fear: (Purple cake mix.) Purple frosting with a red bow tie and a grey wrapper.

Crafting tip: I will share the tutorial for the ‘memory’ centerpiece very soon!

Use a Silhouette to dress up your Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Fear root beer for an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
I served ‘Fear’ root beer…

Crafting tip: The label is 4×4 inches with a 3 inch bow tie. 

Voices in your head banana bread for an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
… and ‘voices your in head’ banana bread.

Emotion Potions smoothie bar for an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
We had an ’emotion potions’ smoothie bar where the guests could create character themed smoothies.

Joy, Anger, Sadness, Fear, and Disgust emotion potions for an Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions

Emotion Potions Smoothie Bar:

  • Joy: Banana, Peanut butter, vanilla yogurt
  • Anger: Banana, strawberries, strawberry yogurt
  • Sadness: Banana, blueberries, vanilla yogurt
  • Fear: Banana, blackberries, blackberry yogurt
  • Disgust: Banana, pineapple, spinach, vanilla yogurt

Bing Bong Ding Dongs at our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
My favorite character, Bing Bong, played a few roles. He and his ‘Bing Bong’ Ding Dongs gave my table a centerpiece and filled the favor bags at the end of the party.

Spoiler alert: The end of the movie… the scene with Bing Bong. All the feels! Michael doesn’t understand the importance of that scene, but I do. Dang. Motherhood is making me soft.

Inside Out fruit snacks at our Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
The Kellogg’s Inside Out fruit snacks, just like the Ding Dongs, were open to the guests to graze on during the party and joined the coloring activity in my party favors.

Inside Out Party Activities:

Inside Out toys make great party decorations for your next Inside Out party #InsideOutEmotions
Toddlers are tough to entertain when it comes to themed party games, but they know what to do when it comes to toys, so we played with our emotions. Talk about an easy party activity, right? The only sort of problem is Michael giving things around our house an emotion based on its color. Call it a work in progress!

Toddlers. Sigh…

Kids playing in the water during our Inside Out party
So the party moved outdoors. The kids did kid things…

Spending time with the baby during our Inside Out party
… the ladies played with the babies…

Adults chatting during our Inside Out party
… and the men? They did man things and ate cupcakes.

Shopping for my Inside Out party at Walmart #InsideOutEmotions

The next time you are at Walmart, keep your eyes peeled for the display full of plushes. They are a great alternative for the times when ‘use your words’ doesn’t work.

And with that, I leave you with a funny from the funeral.

Pastor: “…There will be no more mourning.”

Michael: “Why will there be no more mourning? I like the morning!”


Do a girl a favor and pin this Inside Out party!

Inside Out party plan- diy memory box, Inside Out coloring party favors, emotion potions smoothie bar, and more! #InsideOutEmotions

Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/inside-out-party/

Jun 14

That Time I Was Almost Pregnant

I participated in a Influencer Activation on behalf of Influence Central for First Response. I received product samples as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation.

A mom playing with her baby
I like to think I am one with my fertility. I know when it’s time to conceive and when it’s time to avoid a romp in the sack. Natural family planning works when you mind your P’s and Q’s.

Better known as not moving any unnecessary muscles until you chart your temperature.

I usually listen to good ole Mother Nature when she hints at ovulation. Except that one time.

That one time I was fresh out the shower and no release of an egg was stopping me from a bit of brown chicken, brown cow. Mother Nature and her dirty tricks.


I started to feel the same cramping I experienced with Maverick.

Quit it. It can’t be. We used a condom.

But it was the exact same everything I had experienced with my last pregnancy, almost 365 days later.

A happy couple thinks they are pregnant with their third baby
A laundry list of emotions washed over me in the three minutes it took for the easy to read, pink lines to appear. I was overjoyed. Then I was scared. And then the anxiety set in. There was so much anxiety knowing I would disappoint all of the friends and family who had helped, and are still helping, me recover.

It got to the point where the guilt was so intense I was unable to fall asleep without worry. Without wondering if tomorrow would be the day I woke up to a miscarriage because I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant. And then, once I finally fell asleep, I would wake up to pee and start it all over again. It was a vicious cycle.

As much as we knew it was not the appropriate time to get pregnant, we started thinking about how we would tell our parents. We started thinking about what would need to happen to move Maverick into his very own Mario ‘big boy’ room.

And the double stroller.

And a vehicle wide enough for three carseats.

We were overwhelmed and thrilled at the thought of another baby. Everything was going to be okay.

Getting a not pregnant result on a First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test
Until it was time to take a test.

My basal body temperature was nice and high and, even though First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test detects pregnancy as early as 6 days before the day of your missed period, I waited until three days before. Just like last time.

This time, though, my period came early. It came three days early and it came hard. There was no four day period with only 1 day requiring more than a liner. I bled profusely for 5 straight days. What the heck?

The First Response Early Pregnancy Test has a curved shape and a wider tip to make is easier for women to find out if they are pregnant
I am still struggling with the thought of Maverick being our final baby. Not a day goes by that I don’t look at my beautiful, happy boy and wish for things to be different. I long for the day I am able to tell Michael yes when he asks for a baby sister.

And in case you were wondering, pregnancy tests are moving on up in the world of convenience. The new First Response test I took had a fancy curved shape designed to fit in a woman’s hand and a 50% wider tip. It was a million times easier to pee on the longer handle. Not to mention, it’s available at all major drugstores, mass and grocery stores for $8.99 – $15.99.

Color me impressed.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/almost-pregnant/

Jun 11

When Incontinence Meets Confidence

As part of a sponsored post for Socialstars, I’m sharing how Poise Thin-Shape pads are building up my incontinence confidence. #RecycleYourPeriodPad

Poise Thin-Shape pads are helping women everywhere regain the confidence while dealing with incontinence
Say it with me… incontinence.

Incontinence is not the scary word people think it is. In fact, it’s just a fancy way to say light bladder leakage. Add that to your well of useless information and overly complicated vocabulary. Unless, of course, my husband is the only one out there tapping that well.

You know how I know confidence is possible when you live with incontinence?

I am still one sexy mama jamma

Peeing myself has not affected the frequency of Michael’s kickstand attacks. He is forever offering me a warm towel, and I wonder if I should adjust my bedroom remodel to incorporate the additional towel rack.

As long as there is still blood pulsating through his veins, a real man will continue to jump your bones. It’s human nature.

Boys talking about farts at the dinner table

Bodily functions are no longer allowed at the dinner table.

Just the other night a precious piece of bacon caught wind and tried to wiggle its way down the wrong pipe. The force of my coughing fit caused me to flashback to the day I pushed a tiny human out of my hoohaa. Surely there was a secret camera in my house filming an episode of ‘I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant’.

There wasn’t.

This time, though. This time I knew I would stay 3x drier than I would with period pads and liners. I learned my leaky bladder lesson in the car, and later in the compost bin. This time there was no ‘here is your main course with a side of pee soaked panties’.

Now, if only I could get the boys to quit farting at the dinner table. Hashtag- lost cause.

Kegels. When a smile and nod takes on a whole new meaning.

Sometimes, when Mother Nature tells me it’s time to get randy, I find myself engaging in some tried and true kegel exercises. Not only do kegels help restore what once was, they make me feel like a cougar. (He likes that.) I get a bit of blood flow going and drift off …

1 in 3 women deal with incontinence, so why don't we talk about it more
I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t get your knickers in a knot over light bladder leakage. Incontinence ain’t no thing but a chicken wing. Seriously.

The day women everywhere begin accepting their leaky plumbing the same way they do their tiger stripes, is when women as a whole can stand up and say “Yes, I bleed and I pee! No, I am not old enough to be in a nursing home! Yes, my thin and flexible pad helps me manage leaks with confidence! Yes, I am still one heck of a sex kitten!”

Or, you can think of wearing a Poise Thin-Shape pad as a way to prevent the dreaded camel toe. Whatever works for you.

Go request a free sample and give it a whirl for yourself. I’m wearing one right now and you know what? I can’t tell and my legs are crossed. How’s that for 40% thinner than the OG Poise pads? (That’s original for the readers unfamiliar with the Urban Dictionary.)

Now we can spend time focusing on real issues, like what happens when a fart gets stuck in your lady bits.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/incontinence/

Jun 07

Ocean Cupcakes

How to make ocean cupcakes with an ocean wave cupcake wrapper and sugar sand
Once upon a time, before the days of Pinterest, my very best friend made me a pirate cake for my 20th birthday. It was full of blue frosted waves, brown sugary sand, and the pirate crew from Pirates of the Caribbean. It was the perfect cake for a swashbuckling good time.

Avast ye!

I said before Pinterest. I’m talking June of 2007. As in, we were on the party scene back when Myspace was cool.

Oh. My. Stars.

I’m working with Silhouette America to create cutesy party details so you pin all the things. Go ahead and pin your heart out, folks!

Paper umbrellas to decorate ocean cupcakes
It all started with my luau party.

What kind of cupcake do I make? Luaus are full of coconuts, palm trees, sand, hula dancers, seashells…

Except, my party had a palm tree cooler, coconut centerpieces, and seashell table decorations. I was stumped. I had the sand part locked and loaded, but the hamsters were working overtime on the rest of the ocean cupcake.

Silly hamsters.

At this point, I had two options:

  • Go shopping and buy inspiration.
  • Pillage my overstuffed craft room and save a doll hair or two.

The craft room was clean when I began my search.

It was not when I found my stash of paper umbrellas. It was completely ransacked.

Ocean Cupcakes Tutorial:

Filling my piping tool with blue frosting for the ocean cupcakes
Start by filling your decorating thingiemabopper with blue frosting.

Piping blue frosting on the ocean cupcakes
As you scroll down, you will see that the frosting does not have to be perfect.

Adding brown sugar sand to the ocean cupcakes
Add a bit of brown sugar ‘sand’ for the beach.

Using a knife to create waves on the ocean cupcakes
And rough up the ocean waves by pressing a knife into it a few times.


Accidently dropping the ocean cupcakes to create waves
… you want some wicked cool waves.

For more of a stormy sea look, flip the cupcake upside down before you add the brown sugar.

I totally planned the tutorial this way. It’s not like my ocean cupcakes were top heavy and tipped over.

My reaction with I tipped my ocean cupcake over
I lied.

Let me introduce you to my son of a biscuit eater face. Interwebz, meet the face that can tell no lies.

Dropping them is messy. Dropping them will drive your husband bonkers. If you think about it, dropping them is even sort of wasteful.

But they look cool.

So, so cool.

Using a Silhouette Portrait to make ocean wave cupcake wrappers for ocean cupcakes
Next, I used my Silhouette Portrait to cut wave cupcake wrappers out of ocean scrapbook paper.

For real.

This machine is the best thing since sliced bread. Goodbye waiting weeks for Etsy sellers to get me my goods. Sayonara skipping the cutesy party details because the turnaround time on a party gig is too tight.

Hello bomb.com party plans!

Wrapping a wave cupcake liner around the ocean cupcakes
The hardest part was figuring out if I should put the wrapper together before or after I decorated the cupcake.

Party planner problems.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/ocean-cupcakes/

Jun 03

Bacon and Feta Cheese Stuffed Burgers

Shout out to Nikos® Feta cheeses for giving me the kick in the rear needed to try feta cheese! I would have never made a delicious bacon and feta stuffed burger before this gig came along.

How to make a bacon and feta cheese stuffed burger using Nikos Feta and a burger press
Confession: I am a picky eater.

Funny textures make me gag, and I look down on ugly food. Don’t even get me started on mixing food on my plate because ‘they are going to the same place’. No. Just, no. Slide the kiddie plate my way because homie don’t play like that.

And then someone asked me to make a recipe with feta cheese.

Uhhh… I’m afraid of feta cheese? Is that the correct answer?

It wasn’t, so I put on my big girl panties and got in the kitchen.

Ingredients to make bacon and feta cheese stuffed burgers using Nikos Feta

Bacon and Feta Cheese Stuffed Burger Ingredients:

  • Nikos Feta cheese, peppercorn
  • Beef
  • Buns
  • Bacon, cut into pieces
  • Burger toppings: tomato, lettuce, red onion, whatever your little heart desires
  • Onion powder
  • Garlic powder
  • Pepper

Note: For now, just gather the goods and keep reading for the actual measurements. 

Adding the pieces of bacon and Nikos Feta to the middle of the bacon and feta cheese stuffed burger
When you make burgers, do you measure out the amount of beef used for each patty?

I sure as heck don’t.

But, for the sake of anal chef’s like my husband, the burger press was close enough to the 1/2 pound line to call it a 1/2 pound burger. Meaning, I used a little more than 1/4 pound of beef per burger.

The beauty of a stuffed burger is being able to fill the inside with anything and everything. I filled each bacon and feta cheese stuffed burger with 1/8 cup of peppercorn feta cheese and about 4 slices of bacon, cut into pieces.

Finally, sprinkle each burger with onion powder, garlic powder, and pepper.

Note: I found a more even distribution of the feta cheese when I used teeny tiny pieces. I can’t help it if I like goodness in each bite.

Adding swiss cheese to the bacon and feta cheese stuffed burger
Grill each bacon and feta stuffed burger to your liking and top with swiss cheese.

Unless, of course, you are a toddler who HAS TO HAVE yellow cheese. I get it. In high pressure situations, please use yellow cheese. You need to do whatever makes your heart sing the songs of your people.

Help me, help you.

Pair a bacon and feta cheese stuffed burger with a side of green beans garnished with bacon and peppercorn feta cheese
In an attempt to get more vegetables in my diet, I paired the burgers with a dish of green beans, bacon, and feta cheese. Yanno… anything to help aid operation ‘drop 50 pounds of baby weight’.

Don’t laugh. It’s on my forever long to-do list.

As I sit here eating my fruit snacks…


For those you rockin’ the beach bod:

Nikos® Feta is hosting a giveaway this June/July! One lucky contestant will win a seven-day, six-night trip to Honolulu, Hawaii, during the 2015 Hawaii Food & Wine Festival (August 29 – September 13, 2015).

Trip package includes:
i. Roundtrip airfare for Grand Prize Winner and Guest from the
airport nearest the Grand Prize Winner’s residence to Honolulu, Hawaii
ii. Standard hotel accommodations for 6 nights/7 days (double room occupancy)
iii. $500 USD in spending money for the Grand Prize Winner (the “Trip Package”).

The Approximate Retail Value (“ARV”) of the Grand Prize is $3,500.

To enter, visit NikosFeta.com or the “Hawaii Trip” tab on Facebook (desktop only) between June 1 – July 31, 2015, and fill out the entry form. That’s it! Easy, peasy! Full contest information is available in the Official Rules accessible via either site starting June 1st.

You will also find Nikos® Feta on Pinterest and Instagram.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/06/bacon-and-feta-cheese-stuffed-burger/

May 30

My Baby Has a Formula Allergy

My experience with Maverick’s formula allergy and bloody stools is sponsored by Huggies and their new Snug & Dry Ultra Diapers.

The rash on my baby's face is gone now that we figured out he has a formula allergy
At first I thought his rash was from all of our snuggles. After all, he slept in the valley of my breasts. He nursed… at my breast. He even buried his head in my breasts for optimal skin to skin comfort. Surely his rash was from all of the sweating.

It wasn’t.

His move to formula only exacerbated his discomfort, so we switched to a gentle formula. When the gentle formula did nothing, I brought it up during his 2 month appointment.

  • Only 2% of babies have a true formula allergy, they said.
  • You should try moving to soy before using a hypoallergenic formula because it’s so expensive, they said.
  • Most babies grow out of colic around 3 months, they said.
  • Just leave the rash be, they said.

I knew something was wrong. I knew he had a formula allergy.

Often times I would wonder if I was caressing his poor cheeks or stroking an alligator. Don’t get me wrong, he was, and still is, adorable, but controlling his rash was wearing on my mind.

Formula allergy causing bloody mucus to show up in Huggies diapers
And then this happened.

He woke up one morning with a new rash on his temple, and the biggest deuce of his pooping career. Weird. Maverick doesn’t deuce like that. He is more of a rabbit pellets in his Huggies Snug N Dry diaper type of guy. This poop even had a speck of blood in it. Really weird.

And then he pooped again. And again. He went on to poop SEVEN times that day. My day was full of bloody mucus, smelly poo, and one miserable baby.

Collecting stool samples to test for parasites
So I did what any parent would do, I went to the doctor thinking it could be a formula allergy.

  • Bring back some stool samples (Ova and parasites, and a stool culture), they said.
  • Here is some hypoallergenic formula to try, they said.

I felt validated.

And guilty. Oh so guilty. If only I had pushed the issue harder.

Mom guilty is a beastly character.

Before and after picture of a baby with a formula allergy rash
In the end, switching to a hypoallergenic formula has given me such peace of mind. Not just because his cheeks are baby butt smooth, but because he is pooping. Maverick is filling up his Huggies Snug N Dry diapers with stinky, non-pellet poop. I am over the moon knowing that we can move past his formula allergy.

Bring on the baby food!

Creating a diaper stockpile with lots of Huggies Snug N Dry diapers
It’s no secret that I am a Huggies mom. Huggies Snug N Dry diapers are my jam, man. And the new Huggies Snug N Dry Ultra diapers even have a conforming, gap-free fit. Yeah, baby! (ba dum tsk)

So, it’s no surprise that I’m participating in their grant program.

Here are the details:

  1. Take a selfie of you and your baby. Share it on Instagram or Twitter. In the post, nominate a local community project that needs some help.
  2. On July 6th, Huggies will feature 20 community projects right here. So be sure to return to this page and cast your  vote for your favorite.
  3. The top 10 vote getters will receive a $2,000 grant from Huggies.

Flint Community Cookout
I’m nominating Flint Community Cookout because of the positive energy they are bringing to Flint, MI. Any program that builds up our city, instead of assuming we are what the media covers, is deserving of some extra love. Especially when it’s a free event for all walks of life.

It takes a village to change things for the better.


Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2015/05/formula-allergy/

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