Tag Archive: Motherhood

Dec 06

8 Pregnancy Facts {Advent Calendar Day 5}

Pregnancy facts are my inspiration for day 5 of the advent calendar! Weird? You betcha. Relevant? Absolutely! Michael has been acting a fool lately and I have no farking idea why. A toddler that won’t sleep boils down to no showers. No showers means I’m a greasy monkey. Being a greasy monkey means I can’t …

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Nov 21

Poop Goes Fffrrpppppppttttttt?

I had an entire Thanksgiving themed post concocted about what I am thankful for, yadda-yadda, and wasn’t feeling it at all because you got a pretty good motherhood rant a few days ago. You know me and if it isn’t flowing, it ain’t gonna happen. But then something miraculous took place, as I was preparing …

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Nov 20

Toddler Tantrum Coping Mechanism

Believe it or not, I experienced a toddler tantrum that had me considering an iced latte for its sweet treat capabilities; the largest cup of coffee I could purchase to get my mind racing; and booze to make me forget about the toddler tantrum Michael graced me with this morning. I’m soooo dramatic, but seriously, I …

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Aug 22

Bring on the Boob Fetish!

Toss out the ‘do your boobs hang low‘ soundtrack and cue the boob fetish music because I’m ready for my closeup! I’m not sure what boob fetish music is but surely it has something to do with your breasts and is upbeat. Get it… UP-beat? Farck! What is Michael doing to me? Like most BlogHer …

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Jun 07

Toddler Says is BACK with So Much to Say!

This post brought to you by Allstate. All opinions are 100% mine. Toddler says… mama Toddler says… dada Toddler says… hi Toddler says… bye bye Toddler says… gaga (grandma) Toddler says… nana Toddler says… cheers? One of you guys should have given me the heads up that toddler words are like a waterfall, they come …

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Jan 06

Toddler Says: Momma!

Guess what? I’m starting a new series called Toddler Says! It’s about to be all, “OMG, did you see Michael blink? OMG, did you know Michael is the best breather in town? OMG, Michael learned how to poop!” up in here. Not so much, but it will be pretty cool to document the different words …

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Dec 15

Wine with Mallery- Who Do You Let in the Delivery Room?

Day 13 of the Wine with Mallery Advent Calendar could spark some controversy with the topic I am discussing… guests in the delivery room. I would love to hear your opinions and/or experiences to see what other people think about guests in the delivery room. Wine with Mallery cliff notes for those who can’t watch the …

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Oct 09

Menopause Symptoms Know No Age Limits #PoiseFab5

My name is Mallery. I am 25. I have night sweats. I need to get serious for a hot minute so please enjoy any puns that I mix into this post. There was a point in my life where I honestly thought I was going to experience menopause before my time, I was 20 years …

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Sep 15

The Blowout of the Century

So this happened today. This also just happened to be the third time he pooped today. Really kid? Who poops three times in one day? I am lucky to poop twice a week so he must have gotten that skill from his father! This wasn’t just a blowout, it was a tsunami of feces! I …

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Sep 09

Baby Needs a Chill Pill

Without explanation this photo would probably get Child Protective Services called on me or could quite possibly get some blog troll to come out and tell me what a bad Mom I am because Michael is playing with a Xanax bottle. Do eeeettt trolls! I love comments. It doesn’t matter if a toy sings, has …

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