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Tag Archive: Sexy Time

Dec 12

Perfect Christmas Gift {Advent Calendar Day 8}

I’m here to spill the beans on the perfect Christmas gift for the lucky broad in your life. And let me tell ya, this ain’t your mama’s perfect Christmas gift! Well… maybe, if your mama is like me. You guys know I was a dildo slinger in a previous career, right? That’s right, I strolled …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/12/perfect-christmas-gift/

Dec 02

Keeping it Real With Slimfessions

This post brought to you by Slimfast. All opinions are 100% mine. Slimfessions are all the rage right now and, let me tell you… this oversharer has a good one to confess to the blogosphere! {Cue the sexy music blended with a healthy dose of brown chicken, brown cow.} Slimfessions are secrets. Slimfessions are capable of sending grown women into …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/12/keeping-real-slimfessions/

Oct 08

Honeymoon Vacation Sex

When you think of vacation sex you think of raspy breathing, disheveled hair, and thank goodness I don’t have to clean this mess up love making. I’m talking about one step below Bunny Ranch sex, where heavy petting is just the tip of the iceberg, and fantasies come to life. Mmmhmmm… Vacation sex is what fantasies …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/10/vacation-sex/

Sep 02

Top 5 Nerdy Pickup Lines

Nerdy pickup lines exist. They exist and they make me giggle. They make me giggle because the highly intelligent men who use them KNOW they drop panties quicker than ANY other pickup line on the market. Fellas, we have all watched Friends a million and a half times. (Especially the episode where Monica gets all number crazy, “start …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/09/top-5-nerdy-pickup-lines/

Jul 15

Bathroom Etiquette for the Not So Perfect Couple

Let’s talk bathroom etiquette for a minute… You’re sitting with your friends and all of a sudden, the putrid smell of rotten eggs starts to burn your nostrils. Oh my goodness, who did that? Do you just ignore it to save the stinky culprit from embarrassment, or point out the foul smelling elephant in the …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/07/perfect-couple-bathroom-etiquette/

Feb 21

What She Really Wanted for Valentine’s Day

I told you I would be back with a post about what she really wanted for Valentine’s Day! The top 10 gifts I shared with you last week are good gifts, just not want she really wanted from you. Don’t be a fool two years in a row and save this post for next year! …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/02/what-she-really-wanted-for-valentines-day/

Feb 14

Ovulating on Valentine’s Day

Babies. We all know and love them… until they rip our vagina. I’m pretty sure a ripped vagina is when the ovulating obsession starts. We become obsessed with when our bodies are ovulating, and avoid sperm like the plague during those times. I hate sperm so much that when I played ‘put the sperm on the …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/02/ovulating-on-valentines-day/

Feb 13

Top 10 Gifts to Get a Housewife for Valentine’s Day

Please give me an estimate of the cheapest Valentine’s Day date that will still result in us having sex. -Unknown Have you ever wondered about the types of gifts to get a housewife for Valentine’s Day? Do you even celebrate Valentine’s Day? Please note that sexy time doesn’t count as celebrating unless you are coming off of …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/02/top-10-gifts-to-get-a-housewife-for-valentines-day/

Jan 22

Say Goodbye to Bloating

I am happy to report a little bow-chick-bow-ow is in order here in the Schuplin household! I forgot how easy it is to feel sexy again when I finally decide to say goodbye to bloating! Ahhhhh shoot! What woman doesn’t enjoy sex? A woman who is experiencing some excess weight and/or bloating, that’s who! FYI: …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2013/01/feel-sexy-again-and-say-goodbye-to-bloating/

Dec 27

Show This to Your Man if You Want More Lingerie

Fellas, lets talk a minute about something I call a lingerie win-win situation. Do I have your attention? Good. Lingerie is the answer to EVERYTHING! There are very few women on this planet who will say they don’t want any lingerie if you give them the go ahead to make a sassy purchase. There is …

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Permanent link to this article: http://horriblehousewife.com/2012/12/if-you-want-more-lingerie/

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