Modly Chic Roast {Advent Calendar Day 9}

Roasting Katy from Modly Chic for the Social Fabric virtual gift exchange

I’m roasting Katy from Modly Chic for this year’s Social Fabric virtual gift exchange! Thank goodness her elf told me nipple clamps were off limits because, yanno, I’m far from a classy broad. So, my roastee was a little concerned that you guys would think the things I was saying about her were true and […]

Perfect Christmas Gift {Advent Calendar Day 8}

2013 wine advent calendar- how to use nipple clamps if they wind up in your perfect Christmas gift #winewithmallery

I’m here to spill the beans on the perfect Christmas gift for the lucky broad in your life. And let me tell ya, this ain’t your mama’s perfect Christmas gift! Well… maybe, if your mama is like me. You guys know I was a dildo slinger in a previous career, right? That’s right, I strolled […]

The Girl with Purple Hair {Advent Calendar Day 7}

2013 wine advent calendar- the girl with the purple hair #winewithmallery

Hey, yeah, so… I have purple hair. Shocker, amiright? Perhaps I am gunning for a Suicide Girls spread? I wish. Unfortunately, I’m not getting naked for the masses, but I can’t sit here and say those broads aren’t smokin’ hot. Smokin’ hot, I tell ya! Moving on… Reactions to my purple hair Trader Joe’s L’Authentique Red […]

Sorry Not Sorry {Advent Calendar Day 6}

2013 Wine with Mallery advent calendar- Sorry not sorry {confessions from a workaholic} #winewithmallery

Sorry not sorry has sort of been my motto the second half of 2013. Fuck me, I forgot to wish you a happy birthday? Sorry, homie, but I’m not really sorry. I know. I know. I’m such an asshole for not paying attention to Facebook’s constant reminder of my shitty friend status. {Insert some sort […]

8 Pregnancy Facts {Advent Calendar Day 5}

8 Pregnancy facts that will leave you wishing you had Superman underwear on your head #winewithmallery

Pregnancy facts are my inspiration for day 5 of the advent calendar! Weird? You betcha. Relevant? Absolutely! Michael has been acting a fool lately and I have no farking idea why. A toddler that won’t sleep boils down to no showers. No showers means I’m a greasy monkey. Being a greasy monkey means I can’t […]

Waking Up to a Mustache {Advent Calendar Day 4}

My husband came home from work with a new mustache #winewithmallery

Let me tell you a little story about the mustache that shocked the nation. Watch the entire life of Michael’s mustache in this video Conversations like that truly do exist in our household! I don’t know how I found a man who thinks everything that escapes the depths of his throat deserves a chuckle, but […]