Let’s talk bathroom etiquette for a minute… You’re sitting with your friends and all of a sudden, the putrid smell of rotten eggs starts to burn your nostrils. Oh my goodness, who did that? Do you just ignore it to save the stinky culprit from embarrassment, or point out the foul smelling elephant in the room? You point it out, of course, unless you are a new couple! You knew that would be my 12 year old boy answer! Will I ever grow up? Probably not, but I digress…
I will never understand why ladies pretend their ‘toots’ don’t stink and heaven forbid, they don’t poop with their mate in the house until there is a ring on their finger. That is, unless you are dating me! Bathroom etiquette has never been something we followed right from the beginning of our courtship. I still remember one of the first nights we spent together. A girl dreams about how romantic it is to spoon with their mate and fall asleep in their arms. *Insert girly squee here* Until they are spooning and have to fart. You bet your so fresh, so clean tush I ripped one in bed that night.
Did you catch that? I farted ON my boyfriend… while spooning! Yep, I farted in bed. I farted on him and he didn’t break up with me. I can only imagine what was going through his head at that moment. Did she just? Did I hear that right? I think she just farted on me. I think I’m going to marry this girl!
Ladies, if you want a future with a man you need to let it loose in bed! Farts, I’m talking about farts, people!
Michael joins me for a vlog on bathroom etiquette
We made up our own bathroom etiquette because we obviously aren’t normal human beings.- Like this one time he waddled, pants around his ankles, to the basement for Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper. Only to find out there was toilet paper under the sink.
- Another time he brought me some off brand toilet paper because our upstairs bathroom was all out and didn’t understand why I flipped out and made him go back to get Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper. You do NOT bring me off brand toilet paper!
- Or how about the mac daddy of bathroom etiquette arguments? He grew up putting the toilet paper on UNDER. **Pause** Everyone knows the roll goes over, not under! Hmpf!
It took some serious bathroom etiquette grooming before I was happy with him. For better or worse shouldn’t apply to poor bathroom etiquette but I felt he was worth it. I mean, he didn’t run away when I farted on him. 
Is it possible to be too frank with you guys? (I ask as we are nearing the end of this article.) Not if it could possibly save you from having a cotton tail down the road! Here is a real life public service announcement, dingleberries are not sexy and cotton tails are downright embarrassing! Always, always check before getting cozy! Cottonelle flushable moist wipes will save you from any unwanted stranglers when the moment strikes. Trust me.
I have good news for all of the ladies who are dying to run out to Walmart right now. When I was shopping at Walmart I noticed a coupon for buy a 24 pack of Cottonelle Clean Care toilet paper and get a FREE Fresh Care dispenser! Jackpot!
And if my bathroom etiquette video wasn’t enough true story for you, check out “The Talk” segment that aired on June 28 on CBS at 1pm CST. You can never have too many laughs in one day!
Thanks for the laugh this morning 🙂
Leanette Fernandez recently posted..$100 Amazon Facebook Giveaway (Ends 7/21)
oh my heck, LOL! I’m still grooming mine to at least put the roll over! He will covertly go in and change it back to under though.
Adelina Priddis recently posted..Kid Friendly BBQ with Velveeta Shells and Cheese #CheesyShells
Oh my gosh, this is hysterical! Tips to live by for sure and those flushable wipes are a must.
Angela recently posted..Helping Your Middle School Student Get Organized
OMG Mallery I just died laughing. DIED! That was the funniest thing EVER! And OH so true. Kyle told me that it was a deal breaker if I couldn’t fart in front of him.
Also? Your best video yet.
Summer Davis recently posted..Raleigh, NC – The Triangle’s Best Restaurants
OMG, I laughed so hard through this post and video – simply awesome!!!
🙂
Tammi @ My Organized Chaos recently posted..Seize The Summer and Travel with Travelocity.ca
Oh my that is just too funny!!! You have me in stitches laughing 😛
Ashley S recently posted..In the Recording Studio with Disney PLANES: Vocal Tracks ~ #DisneyPlanesEvent
This was amazing! My husband has a fascination with flush able wipessonperhaps I should encourage him!
Mariah recently posted..Helping Family Stay Together
Haha I’m happy you broke the silence about bathroom etiquette. We all know it needed to be talked about! Hilarious post and great video! I hope to see more soon!
Oh my loudness, I am dying laughing right now! You always know how to bring a topic to an entertaining level! I’m a big fan of cottonelle flushable wipes. It’s all I buy. Yeah, I freak out on the hubs for any off brand he might bring into this house. I like to go cheap and frugal, but not with my TP or flushable wipes! Name brand only!
That just cracked me up. I love that your husband joined in this time 🙂 Our rule is a courtesy flush. We always give each other a courtesy flush 🙂
LaVonne recently posted..S’mores Fudge Recipe
I love the wipe dispenser. Our 10 year old refuses to use anything but flushable wipes. We’ve been reusing the ‘open the lid because they slipped out of the notch in the lid’ style container and they are flat out annoying. I’m going to have to look at that dispenser. Does it truly dispense easily all the way to the last wipe?
Angi recently posted..Mr Rogers Song “You Are Special” Harmful To Children?
That was probably the most honest post I have read in a long time …. hahah…..Your sense of humour is priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for putting a smile on my face so early in the morning!!!!!!
Kristen @ My 3 Little Kittens recently posted..Sponsored Video: Alex Gaudino ft. Taboo “I Don’t Wanna Dance” – Work It Kitty {Temptations Cat Treats}
You have me crying with laughter over here! HAHA!! It’s not everyday that you read about farts and pooping online… nor that a couple survived being farted ON early on in a relationship! Glad I wasn’t drinking coffee while I read this. Totally love your tips, funny.. but clever!
Dawn Lopez recently posted..Strawberry Shortcake Frozen Pops Recipe
Oh my… you made my morning!
Ellen Christian recently posted..Daisy National BB Gun Championship Match
I might have to pick up a few of these and gift them to my husband.
Danielle recently posted..Minnie Mouse Summer Party Celebration #DreamParty #Shop
Thanks for the chuckle! I watched your video on Pinterest. 😉
Theresa @ Faith and Family Reviews recently posted..Flourish Magnetic Schedule Review & Giveaway
seriously– you make me laugh! Thanks for the good read… and we love those flushable wipes for my daughter!
Desiree recently posted..In a Dinner Slump? Try Old El Paso Dinner Kits {Review + Giveaway}
Haha, this is the first fart post I have ever read! Congrats on being my first and most likely my only.
I’ve already watched this video, but had to watch again! You crack me up, Mallery!
Amiyrah recently posted..Three going on Sass
You cracked me up this morning great post!
amber whitehead recently posted..$5 Amazon Gift Card Flash Giveaway Hurry Ends Today!
OMGoodness.
Talk about keeping it real!
First of all, I highly recommend homes with more than 1 bathroom.
I can’t stand it when my husband wants to use the bathroom while I’m already in there grooming or showering.
Secondly, you’re friggin’ hilarious.
Thirdly, I use my son’s wipes in our bathroom when I need to.
Guess I need to upgrade to Cottonelle.
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