Buying me a store bought Valentine’s Day card is sort of like saying, “I love you enough to be my booty call, but you will never make it as my Mrs.”
Amiright or amiright?
And all these years you thought running into Rite Aid before a birthday party and grabbing some generic birthday card was acceptable. Or worse, you thought grocery store flowers would get you raunchy, porn-esque nookie.
Drawing a picture on a napkin is cooler (And cheaper.) than a card you could gift to your mom, dog, and girlfriend.
But I digress.
All I wanted to say was… I made a card for my soon to be sister-in-law because I sort of just got done treating her like she was the girl Cory was SOOOO in love with during high school. You know, the girl we often wondered if he loved playing video games in his broken, hammock bed more than being in their relationship.
Crafting note- Chip Chatter die cuts are amazeballs because of the sticky backs.
Which leads me to the reasons why my sister is the favorite among the women marrying into our family:
- I’m not a terribly nice person unless I’m in the right mood. (It’s hard to explain.)
- I don’t do small talk because it is an inefficient use of time. (Outside sales for a MLM company RUINED my desire to participate in small talk.)
- I have a ‘resting bitch face’. (I swear I’m concentrating.)
- I don’t attach myself to people and/or things until I know they are sticking around for good.
Whoa! That! Yes! Ugh!
I don’t get attached to people or items unless I know I get to keep them. Let me explain…
We did our car shopping and I finally settled on the Jeep Grand Cherokee diesel. After many manufacturer delays, the cars shipped and it was time to crunch the oh so scary numbers. Michael mentioned the numbers weren’t coming in right and asked me to start thinking about other options, only there weren’t any other options. I wanted the Jeep and that was that.
Can you guess what that jerkoff did? HE BROUGHT THE CAR HOME! TO MY HOME! He brought it home and asked me to come outside and play around with it!
No. Sorry but no. Get that shit outta here before we wind up divorced.
He didn’t understand. You probably don’t understand. Nobody understands unless they do the same thing. But this is why I wasn’t all, “OMG, come over and let me braid your hair! We can watch chick flicks and eat chocolate bonbons ALL-NIGHT-LONG!”
Don’t forget to welcome your new sister by marriage, besties by choice family member because she will control the rest of your brother’s life. Ha!
Or is that only true in my household? Hmmm…