I almost titled this post cat poop. Just plain cat poop. I mean, why not get straight to the point, right? The thought still haunts me but I felt like an open letter to cat poop wouldn’t automatically turn people away. The extra words distract from the focus of my story, right? That, folks, is what we call a bait and switch because nobody wants a paleo taco salad with a side of cat poop. Gross.
I guess someone out there might, but…. yeah… poop is totally processed (AKA not paleo). Just sayin’.
Dear Cat Poop,
I understand you are a necessary evil for all the humans walking the Earth covered in cat hair. Really, I do. And if there ever came a day when my furry friends were no longer able to drop a deuce… I’m out of here! Hell hath no fury like a constipated furbaby.
Oh hecks naw!
But what I really want to talk about is the way you stick to the long, delicate strands on my precious Bandit’s rump bump. You are to blame for my new to crawling baby consuming his first turd. Seriously. A turd. For, what seemed liked, the longest moment in my life, I watched as the runny, brown goo ran down his chubby face. It has to be chocolate, I thought to myself, where in the world would he find cat poop?
It wasn’t chocolate…
Well played, cat poop, well played.
Too bad I have some not so fun news for you! This $3 Target coupon gave me the courage to get your mess under control once and for all. Gone are the days of our cat poop fragrance furnace filter! Sayonara, sucka! We are now proud parents of the newfangled cat poop container, better known as Litter Genie.
<<<Booooooomm goes the dynamite!>>>
You will find me scooping your precious clumps of joy into my new Litter Genie and spending my new allowance on all of the Target items I don’t really need but I have to have. Yessss!
It’s been real, dude.
The Cat Poop Hater