Do you know what a threatened miscarriage is?
Neither did I…
Until I had one.
Heads up- I included pictures of bloody items in this post. Some might find them graphic but this is real life.
Now that the world knows I am pregnant with my second minion, we can backtrack to what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year, Michael’s birthday party. It was the first time I actually felt like everything was going perfect. The decorations were situated. The food was prepped and ready to go. Heck, I even got my pictures and a shower before people started showing up! Michael’s 3rd birthday party was on track to be the best one to date.
Our party guests were enjoying some delicious BBQ chicken as I checked in with Krista to see how the meatballs tasted. It was at this point I felt a gush of discharge run down my leg. Mmmmkay, it happens when you wear a dress, no big deal. I sat down to get some of lady goo to absorb into my dress. You know, discreetly. Only it didn’t work. So I excused myself and headed to the bathroom to sop up my crotch juice.
Except it was orangey/red discharge.
Fuck me. I called Michael and we looked out the window trying to figure out who to let in on our little secret. Who has a pregnancy clue and would keep my secret. Naturally, we picked my rock. My bestest friend in the whole wide world. Krista. She assured me spotting happens.
It was gush after gush of fluid. I had flashbacks to the gushes of water that come with each contraction after they break your water. At this point, there was no going back. I was stuck with the entire party watching Michael open his presents. There was no sneaking out, so I did what any hostess would do. I carried on with the party. Nothing to see here.
Michael loved all of his gifts. He was happy so I was happy. I played off my minor impatience with my excitement for his tractor. It made sense that I was excited for the tractor. Nobody would have known I was excited to get out of the pool of blood and fluid I was sitting in.
And then I was stranded.
Michael went off to do something and Krista wasn’t close, so I sat there and waited. Lindsay and Lauren came up to me and I was only able to half listen. I felt bad for people leaving without expressing how much I truly appreciated each one of them, but all I cared about at this point was hiding the issue and figuring out what the fuck was going on.
Just smile through it and figure out a solution.
I finally flagged down Krista and she gave me a big bag to hide my backside before we walked the bloody chair to the garage. No big deal. Meanwhile, the bloody fluid was flowing down my legs. But it wasn’t until I dropped my drawers and saw the blood that I became really concerned. Blood. Red blood. With cramps.
No. Just, no.
At this point I popped a Stayfree super pad on, called the answering service, and wrapped myself in Michael’s Star Trek robe. What will I tell people when they see that I changed my outfit? How about I pooped myself? Everybody knows I have bowel and bladder problems. Yes, an accident would be a partial truth.
The on-call doctor said I could go to the ER, wait to see if the bleeding slowed down before going into the ER, or stay home. Okay, got it. A hostess always waits until her guests leave.
An hour, a full pad, and an increase in my cramps later, I decided I should head to the ER once the bounce house guys picked up the monster truck. I used Michael’s super awesome, new Justice League backpack as his overnight bag and dropped him off at my mom’s house so we could drive an hour to Beaumont.
- Bloodwork to see if I needed the Rhogam shot. I don’t.
- Pelvic exam to check for clots, STDs, and a closed cervix. All clear and closed.
- Ultrasound to look for bleeds and a heartbeat.
I was the most nervous for the ultrasound for a few reasons. First, if you don’t see a heartbeat… well… we all know what that means. Second, seeing an actual fetus moving around meant I would move into the ‘this will fucking suck if I miscarry’ phase of pregnancy. Losing a yolk sack with something that resembles a fetus is way easier than losing a wiggly fetus I have felt tickle my insides.
There was a heartbeat. It was dancing around. We saw its alien face.
I was put on pelvic rest with orders to follow up with my doctor on Monday. Sure thing, doc!
Editor’s note- Even though this is a delayed post, I have not altered the story to reflect whether or not I ended up miscarrying this child.
Edited to add:
- My pregnancy announcement. Hooray!