From Heartbreak to Hope

With another Mother’s Day in the books, Gerber and Linqia have given me the opportunity to remind mothers parents everywhere that the heartbreak they’re experiencing right now is worth it. That one day… one day that heartbreak will become hope and the pain will fade into a distant memory.

When you think about having kids, you wonder if you’ll ever be ready. Will you ever have enough money saved? Will you have the space for everything that comes with a tiny human? How will something the size of a watermelon change your lady bits?

And then there are the what ifs that no parent is ever prepared for.

If I’m being honest, I struggled with the thought of how I would care for a another human being when I could barely manage my own disability. Was wanting a child that I might not be able to take care of at times selfish? Was it wrong of me to want to fill the void? To satisfy my own desires at the sake of a helpless child? There are many people who would say yes, but my uterus has a way with words, and I was about to experience the strength that is a mother’s love.

You see, Maverick spent 11 months of his 16 month existence in and out of various medical practices. Who all had a different solution for curing his face. Between the two of us, we were seeing a doctor just about every week, if not twice a week. And when we weren’t at the doctor, I was scouring the world wide web looking for my own answers, and finding comfort in the form of stories from other moms.

Sleep deprived, grasping to whatever hope came my way, I promised him through salty tears that I would never give up on him. That when his dad poo poos all over this or that theory, I would continue to advocate for him. Love is scary like that. No matter how uncertain you are, you will find the strength to keep the promise you made to those curious eyes.

For 11 months, his well being weighed heavily on my heart, and each well meaning remark about his face from friends and family chipped away at my spirit because I didn’t have the answer. Juggling my own medical hurdles with his medical mystery was wearing me down. I was struggling. With each new theory, came hope. With each new medical concoction, came heartbreak.

Until the day there was no more heartbreak.

All of the days of chaos were replaced with toothy grins and baby toddler giggles. He no longer hesitated to smile past a grin because his face was cracked. His laughter started to flow. His smiles became contagious. The joy in his eyes warmed my soul. It was the kind of joy pregnant ladies everywhere dream about.

Just when you think you have exhausted every option. When you think you’ve been defeated. When you’ve secretly lost all hope. Stop, take a break, and know that the answer is still out there. That what you get back when your determination is motivated by love far outweighs the sleepless nights. And that adjusting to an allergy friendly life seems difficult but is all worth it.

It’s your turn! Take a moment and think about the parenting adventures that have made your journey worth it. I’m sure you have a handful or two.