Happy Birthday to Jillian Warner!

Wine with Mallery IS BACK with a special happy birthday to a not so special Jillian Warner! Or vise versa? Who knows.

Wine with Mallery

This is what I do know about  the birthday girl’s video:

  • My teeth are purple.
  • I’m blitzed.
  • I sing to the birthday girl.
  • You shouldn’t watch it unless you want to laugh your ba donk a donk off.
  • I say my kid likes men in the same sentence I talked about his arranged marriage. #momfail
  • I slept on the floor afterwards.
  • Jillian Warner is a terrible influence on my life. ?

This quote makes more sense now that you have watched my special video for the not so special Jillian Warner…

A quote for my friend Jillian Warner- The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you - Rita Mae Brown

So you mean to tell me you weren’t brave enough to watch that video? You are missing out because I just might be the insane one out of my friends. Or maybe Jillian Warner is the insane one and I am a sucker for peer pressure? Perhaps it’s a little of both.

Would you like some golden nuggets from the video? I figured you would rather have the golden nuggets instead of the dingleberries!

  • Jillian asked me for help on her SoFab application and I was a major meanie face. (She got in and became amaze-balls at her job! Not to mention, she hit a bigger goal that I TOLD HER she would hit. You can call me Madame Fortune Teller and pay me in wine.)
  • Her household is always sick! No joke. Despite wearing protection, I get a viral STD each time I visit her family friendly site. It’s a good thing her goodies are worth the intense burning sensation.
  • Her husband is one of my people. We would be drinking boxed wine in the back alley if he didn’t live so far away, and get sick all of the time. I don’t do sick people. It makes me wonder if she is a SARS carrier, or something, because they get sick ALL of the time.
  • She is such a lady! This one is easy to explain- She spends all of her money at J.Crew and I spend all of my money at Victoria’s Secret. Hasn’t she ever listened to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun? I bet my boxed wine bud agrees with me. ?
  • Our kids are getting married so they will send us to the same old folks home. I think we should make a blogger friendly home so we all end up there. I don’t want to rot away without having any fun. Who else am I going to talk to about my epic funeral plans? Seriously, my funeral is going to be so much fun because I don’t do emotions.

Happy birthday to the not-in-her-twenties Jillian Warner! Just you wait until you open your present on Saturday! I sort of DEMAND a video of you opening up your birthday present! (That was high maintenance Mallery speaking to Jillian Warner.) Do it because I make you feel things in special places.

I celebrated Jillian Warner's birthday with La Granja 360 Tempranillo Garnacha

2011 La Granja 360 Tempranillo Garnacha

This is another $5 bottle of wine from Trader Joe’s that doesn’t remind you of drain cleaner.I have to be honest and say that I only bought the zebra bottle because the bottle with a pig on it was a decent bottle of wine. This Tempranillo Garnacha has a deep black cherry color with hints of cherry and raspberry flavors. It went down smooth with a little bit of spicy earth on the nose. I’m not sure if I would buy it again for the zebra or for the taste. Hmm… decisions, decisions.


Reader Interactions


  1. That was the sexiest Marilyn Monroe happy birthday song ever ? Especially the hair poofing in the middle of it ?

  2. Oh, And that you grew Jillian into a beautiful blogger by using not Miracle Grow, but organic food. Bahahaha!!

  3. I’m SO sad that it took me so long to watch this. And I thought I was drunk until i sat and watched all 15 minutes, then realized I’m currently nowhere near as drunk as you are in this video.

    *AHEM* I will be 32 in July and I want a video. With purple teeth.

    Are you sure there wasn’t more than wine in that bottle?

    Summer Davis recently posted..The Adventures of Pear Summer at BrandcationMy Profile


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