I’m about to get real up in this joint and give away my dirty girl secrets for those wondering how to win Monopoly. (Literally, I am giving away a Monopoly game at the end of this post.)
YOU MIGHT BENEFIT FROM MY MONOPOLY SECRETS IF…
You are competitive.
You are a sore loser.
You get bored quickly.
You need be in control.
I suck so hard at playing by the rules when it comes to playing Monopoly! There is something about wanting to shove Michael’s face in a loss that gets me all hot and bothered! For real, it isn’t healthy for him to be right and/or win at EVERYTHING in his life! My
not so secret mission is to deflate his ego whenever I can to make myself feel better! Your girl needs to be on top sometimes!
- Be a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater and stash those $500 bills under the board! I consider their money an investment in my mad banking skills and swipe a little off the top to compensate for my time. Haven’t you ever heard that nothing in life is free?
- Roll the dice when someone gets up to go to the bathroom or refill their beer.
- Pad your startup cash a little more than the others and don’t organize your money. If you look like a hot mess, then people will think you are a hot mess. “Swiper, no swiping!”
- I like to develop the orange and red corner because it is the furthest from ‘pass go and collect $200’, therefore, I can make people weep when they land on my properties. I enjoy seeing grown men cry as they try to sweet talk their way out of paying me.
- Form an alliance against the person you want to lose (Michael) and cut everyone, but him, a deal.
- Get your opponents hammered so they don’t bring their A-game. <~ My favorite of the tips.
We have some business to discuss before we get to the giveaway part of this unethical guide of how to win Monopoly. Monopoly is about to oust one of the classic tokens and they need you to go vote on the token you want to hang around. By vote, I mean go pick the top hat and ring. ?
I received a copy of the classic Monopoly board game in order to facilitate my review. All opinioins and pictures are my own.