HOW TO BE THE PERFECT HOUSEWIFE

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. The confession of my new cleaning, vacuuming, perfect housewife lifestyle has been compensated as part of a social shopper amplification for Collective Bias and its advertiser.

How to be the perfect housewife- Vacuum daily in heels. #EurekaPower #shop

I’ve been living a bit of a lie as of late. OK, maybe not a lie… more like a strategic withholding of information. Yes. That. I like the way that sounds.

You see, I wasn’t ready to come out of the proverbial closet. I was scared. How would I admit to the world that THE Horrible Housewife does chores now? Chores like laundry, dishes, and vacuuming.

Did you catch that?

C-H-O-R-E-S! Ermahgerd!

Are you upset with  me because I didn’t tell you about my perfect housewife transformation in the beginning?

How to be the perfect housewife- Iron your husband's shirts #EurekaPower #shop

I feel like you are moments away from breaking up with me. Will you ever trust me again? Please don’t break up with me. I need you in my life. You are my everything.

I would cry right now if I wasn’t so emotionally awkward…

I swear we can make this work! Would you be down for an open relationship?

It’s just… well… I found a vacuum with a suction that deep cleans my carpets like there’s no tomorrow! Clean carpets make Michael happy and we all know I could stand to have a few brownie points in my pocket for the day(s) I fly off the handle.

How to be the perfect housewife- Use the attachment on your Eureka vacuum to clean up the blush your toddler dumped all over the bathroom. #EurekaPower #shop

Speaking of brownie points…

Michael is all up in my business now that I look and act like the perfect housewife. He even requested I do my hair and makeup ev-ver-ry-day for him.

For real.

How to be the perfect houswife- Touch up your makeup before your husband gets home. #EurekaPower #shop

I now have my wifey duties down to a science. I know I have 23 minutes from the moment he says he is on his way home before he walks in the door. Which means I have 23 minutes to tidy the house, check on dinner, pop the top on his favorite brew, and touch up my hair and makeup. Aiyiyi!

Thank goodness my tiny tornado is typically napping at this point because I would be devastated if Michael walked into anything less than flawless.

There is no such thing as a perfect housewife. #EurekaPower #shop

Get that rubbish outta here!

THE PERFECT HOUSEWIFE DOES NOT EXIST IN OUR HOME!

There is some truth woven into my latest edition of drama llama. I did accept responsibility for the laundry because I was sick and tired of the mountains left on top of the machines from Mr. Forget-about-it. Wrinkled clothes send my OCD into overdrive.

I do NOT take care of the dishes or kitchen because I meal plan, grocery shop, and cook everything. And, of course, take pictures of it all. Blogger problems, fo’ sho’!

I do NOT vacuum because my new Eureka AirSpeed All Floors vacuum was requisitioned by the men as soon as it showed up. It went a little something like this…

  • Michael to Michael- “OK, bud, grab your vacuum and we will clean up the house.”
  • (Clean. Clean. Clean.)
  • Michael to me- “I can’t believe how much this vacuum picks up!”
  • Me to Michael- “Oh yeah? And it’s small enough to shove into one of the closets upstairs so you don’t have to cart the big one up there.”
  • Michael to me- “Can we do a Talk Nerdy to Me for it? I think we should. When is this post due?”
  • Me- “You’re special.”
Eureka AirSpeed All Floors Vacuum Reviews at Walmart.com #EurekaPower #shop

I picked this vacuum because it’s small and the reviews at Walmart.com were pretty good.

Cut a girl some slack. You know I don’t leave the house unless I’m going to the gym or grocery store. And you KNOW Michael doesn’t agree to a purchase over $50 without vetting said purchase. Those certainties are very much like death and taxes.

But it wasn’t just the size that piqued my interest. Nope. Anyone who has visited the casa de la Schuplin knows our first floor consists of tile, hardwood, linoleum, and subfloor. Our house is unique… in a not so pretty kind of way. Which is why I wanted a vacuum  powerful enough to clean all sorts of floors/surfaces.

Straight from the mouth of Michael…

“The canister is user friendly to empty because it allows you to open both sides to ensure all the dirt and debris can be cleaned out. The vacuum roller system is very nice due to the contouring on the bottom, making it easier to go over ledges and small bumps. The vacuum also raises slightly when you position it upright so that it is easier to roll back away.”

How ’bout them apples?

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